
91- Reducing Anxiety in Children
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Welcome to Every Brain is Different, the podcast where we celebrate the unique world of neurodiversity. We are your hosts, Samantha Foote, a neurodivergent, Board Certified Music Therapist and mom to three kids of ADHD and autism. And Lauren Ross, an ally to the neurodivergent community with over 10 years of experience supporting children and adults with autism.
This podcast is for parents like you. Navigating the world of neurodiversity with love and compassion. Together we'll create a world where every brain is valued and celebrated. We're excited to embark on this enlightening journey with you.
Transcript:
Samantha Foote: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Every Brain Is Different Podcast. Lauren and I are here with Kim Guche and Kim is the founder of Entrancing Inspirations.
She is a certified consulting hypnotist, specializing in stress management, self-esteem, overcoming fears, and helping clients achieve positive life changes through hypnosis and reiki. She also [00:01:00] has extensive experience working with children and their parents, particularly those with special needs, and is skilled in using hypnotherapy to address a wide range of issues including anxiety, sleep improvement, and sports performance.
Kim, we are so excited to have you on the show. Welcome.
Kim Guche: Hi. Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here.
Samantha Foote: Yeah, I'm super excited to have a hypnotherapist on our show and -- so can you tell us a little bit more about how you're involved in the neurodivergent community?
Kim Guche: Sure. So, well, first of all, I'm a, I'm a speech language pathologist and so, that was my first career. So, I have been working with kids with all different communication disorders and learning differences for, oh, 30 years, 30-ish years. And a, a large percentage of my caseload, uh, includes kids with autism. So, so I've been doing that and I, about eight years [00:02:00] ago, like my whole caseload became kids with sensory processing disorder, auditory processing disorder, autism kids on the spectrum with really picky eating and sensory aversion. Then I became really into being a feeding specialist. And so, after I got divorced, I left for a while working with kids and I, I was working with adults. But one of the people that was my coworker was the wife of a hypnotist in our, in our town, and I was so intrigued by it for myself. I just wanted to go get my own, have my own session for me, and I walked in and I, I saw a plaque on the wall about the statistics of helping people overcome problems with traditional talk therapy, CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), and then hypnotherapy. And I couldn't think of anything else. All I could do was focus on that plaque on the wall. [00:03:00] So I said, I, he, he's talking to me about the session that I went there for, and I said, "could I learn to do this?" That's all I could focus on. And he said, "yeah, if you want to, you can get certified". And I never even did my session for me. I paid him and I signed up for, and I started the certification on that, that Saturday, the weekend. And I thought I could help so many more people. Like not, not obviously not just adults, but myself, but then also the kids, my own kids, the kids I'm work- I was working with and I, yeah, so I just became enamored with everything that I learned and using it for me, realizing how much it can really change a person, a mindset, behaviors, and then applying it to not just the, I went back to working with kids after that cause I, working with kids is my, my passion. So, I went back to working in a school and then I thought, let me see how this can apply. [00:04:00] And then I ended up having, I didn't even market it that way. I just had a, a lot of parents calling me for help for their children who had anxiety and a lot of them also had, were on, on the autistic spectrum or had other learning and self-esteem issues. So, it kind of just took on, took on a, a life of its own.
Samantha Foote: That's awesome. Yeah, I know a lot of kids that I work with have issues with like anxiety and self-esteem and everything that you said because they, they tell me, they're like, "I know I'm different. I don't, I'm not as good as everybody else". And that just breaks my heart when they say that, that they're, they know they're different and that makes them somehow bad, but that's not true.
Kim Guche: Right? It's a story.
Samantha Foote: Yeah.
Kim Guche: It's a story. But you know, that's, so that story is really no different. Everyone runs that story. I'm not good. Everyone has the story of I'm [00:05:00] not good enough. Most, I can't, you can't say all, everyone, but most people have that same story. But for these kids, it's, it's even more absolute in their mind. And it's not true. It's, it's just a story.
Samantha Foote: Yeah, for sure.
Kim Guche: The story can be changed or rewritten. And you can create a different ending to it. Um.
Lauren Ross: Whole chapter.
Kim Guche: Yeah, whole. Yes, exactly. And, and it's so great working with kids because they're not, they're not, they're not closed off, they're not, they're not jaded. They're, they're always in their own imagination anyway. They're always living another story or in some other world anyway. So, it's easy to, it's easy to get them in their imaginative mind so they can start processing or thinking about things differently.
Samantha Foote: Yeah, I love that. Can you tell us a little bit about what it looks like in your sessions? What exactly do you do with the kids? [00:06:00]
Kim Guche: You mean- So this is funny. I, I do with, with every child that I work with, I, I, I also, I obviously want the parents there because I want them, whether it's speech therapy or hypnotherapy, it's great to have the parents there so they can learn about what you're doing and how they can reinforce things and work on things after the session. But also, I tell every parent, this: children don't exist in a vacuum, right? They're, especially kids. These kids are hypersensitive to the environment, but also to other people's energy and certainly the energy in their home and their parents' energy. So, if the parent is anxious or fearful or worried or stressed, they, it's, they feel that in a heightened way. I don't think a lot of people realize how much their own energy impacts other people, especially kids and kids with high sensitivities. [00:07:00] So, I like having the parents there. I also like to include them and also have them do some of the work cause when parents can be calmer, then kids can be calmer. But a lot of times parents are expecting you're gonna have to have your eyes closed, you have to sit perfectly still, you have to be completely relaxed to be like in a quote unquote trance state. And it, that's not how it is working with kids, like kids can imagine. They imagine all day long, they're in another world while the teacher is teaching. They're in another world while you're talking to them. They can be, they can get into their own imagination easily. And so, it's really just about being, playing. A lot of it just looks like we're playing, but it becomes about, an example is, well, I'll take an easy one for gym- I work a lot with, with girls who are gymnasts, and then they'll hit a block of fear. So, it will ask them something like, what if you could, let's say they get, they're on the, the parallel bars, uneven parallel bars, and they're stuck just asking them what [00:08:00] animal, what animal could do the skill that you need to do, if you could be an animal, what animal would it be? And then they'll think about that. Or if you had to pick three animals, what three animals would have the, the traits or the characteristics that you need to get past being scared, whatever. So maybe they'll pick a monkey or an animal that's fearless or something, something that's really fast. And so, then I just have them imagine. I'll put a song on and then we'll imagine being that animal, becoming that animal and imagine what it's like to like naturally be a monkey who flips and moves without fear cause monkeys just do it. And so you, it's just amazing to literally watch their energy change as they really become, like in their minds, they adopt those movements and then they can, from there, start imagining themselves doing that skill that they're struggling on in the gym. And then we just imagine it eyes open or closed, [00:09:00] doesn't matter, and then, and play it in different, different scenarios where it doesn't feel threatening. So, it's about imagining a different outcome. If, if, how do you wanna see yourself doing this skill? So just being playful like that and with kids who have anxiety about talking to other kids or going to a play date, having them, even if they could practice being, if they know of another person who can do that thing easily that they can't do, just imagining being that person and, and then becoming that person and doing it how they do it. Really like everything, everything is a mind game. So even for me, like public speaking was always hard for me until I learned that I could pretend I was somebody else. And when you pretend, you're somebody else, then it's not you anymore. So, it takes you outta your fear zone. And, and so for kids, that's really easy to do. They love doing [00:10:00] that. And then they'll say, "oh, well, who can I be now?" Or "What else can I pretend to be?" And they don't even realize what they're, they don't even realize they're overcoming fear while they're playing. And then, what makes it, I think, more impactful is that I make them a, a recording that they can listen to. So, for them it's like, it's like a bedtime story. So, I'm telling them a story, they listen to it really anytime, but a lot of them do before they go to bed and they are hearing it every night again and again and again. So, it's creating a new thought pattern that is replacing the, the fear pattern or the, the limiting belief pattern that they have.
Samantha Foote: Yeah, that sounds so cool. I don't know what I was expecting, but that was not it. So, I love that you do that though, because like research says, children learn more through play than they do other ways. So, if they're playing and they're doing the things that you're [00:11:00] asking 'em to do, then they can make those new neural pathways in their brain faster than if you were doing it a different way. So, play is, I love it. I love that. That's how you do it. I don't know what is expecting, like I said, but I love that that's how you do it.
Kim Guche: I think, well, a lot of parents will say he or she, they, she's moving around, she's not sitting still, and it, it's really not like that. And, and I had, I had one little girl that I worked with. She had a lot of learning needs and her mom was just real anxious about, because they had a, she was the, she's the only child. So, they had an expectation and, and all the expectation was on this child to perform. And she, she was starting to get anxious about everything, about school, but she could really draw very well. She was a great artist. So, we would, she liked, she liked fairies and so it was, it was so cute. I would always put on, she liked enchanted forest and fireflies and fairies, so I would just find her something on YouTube, like the [00:12:00] magical forest and, and then we would just look, we would literally just look at the screen and then we would imagine, what do you think is in that forest? And then she would pick out something and then she would wanna draw it. So, while she was drawing, I would just tell her a story about, she would tell me what she wanted. I wanna be. I wanna do my math better. I don't wanna be scared when the teacher calls on me. I wanna be, she would say a lot. I want to be, she didn't use the word confident, but I wanna be able to say, when she calls on me, if I don't know the answer, to just say I don't know the answer cause if I don't say anything, because she thinks I'm dumb. So, we would just practice that and, or while she was drawing, I would tell her a story about it. And she, it was just, like her mom didn't think we were really doing anything, but then every week her mom would say, I don't know what happened when the Enchanted Forest was on, but she's raising her hand and she's talking. So, it seems like you're not really doing anything, but you're, when the. [00:13:00] Like, when your conscious mind is otherwise occupied, your unconscious mind is open to suggestion. And so, she's drawing and she's focused on the drawing, but her, the, the imagination part of her mind is open and listening, and that's how you can get the new, new thoughts and new patterns started and then reinforced.
Samantha Foote: Yeah. That is so cool how that works. I know when parents watch music therapy, they're like, you're not doing anything, you're just playing with my kid. I'm like, yeah, they're four years old. What do you want me to do with, they're not just gonna sit and play an instrument with me, which they do. But it's not just sitting and I'm gonna teach you how to play this. It's, it looks like play. And so, yeah, that's just interesting. But that's a really cool story about that girl. I love that what you said, like when your conscious brain is doing something, then your unconscious mind is open and ready for suggestion. So, you were able to [00:14:00] help her with that.
Kim Guche: Yes. So you can get past, 'cause if, think about it, if you're consciously listening, like you are in class, right? You're trying to listen to a teacher, but you're, you're nervous and so you're saying, "I don't understand this. I'm not as smart as them. She thinks I'm dumb, I can't do this". And then you get, she would get anxious. But how many kids also do? I did when I was in school. So, you're, you're thinking the whole time, "What if she calls on me? What if she calls on me?" So, you can't, you're not listening at all and then you can't get past that. But when, when you occupy that part of the brain that is shutting down, then like the critical faculty is, uh, you're bypassing it, so then you can get to the new beliefs. And even when she was doing that, she would be drawing and I would still be saying like subliminally, cause she was trying to work on times, tables of two or whatever. So, I would say, "two times three is six, two times four is eight" while she was drawing. And she's remembering that because it's, [00:15:00] she's not having to focus on it, it's just going into her unconscious mind. So, then when I would make her little, her bedtime story for her. I would remind her in the story, "you have such a powerful mind and you know your times tables. You've heard them so many times and you can recall them anytime you want to". And then I would tell her, just remember, go back to the enchanted forest. Anytime you're in the enchanted forest in your mind, or when you think about it, you remember, you can, you can, you'll know your times tables and she learned them. I mean, she, she really did learn 'em, so her mom kept saying, "I can't, we, I've worked so hard on this. I've bought every math program. We've taken her to every tutor". And it, it was just so easy to do it through while she was drawing or something or playing.
Samantha Foote: Yeah. I'm gonna try that with my son. He is learning his timetables right now and it is awful. So, we're gonna try that. I'm just gonna go up when he's like drawing or something and be like "two times three is six."
Kim Guche: Yeah. Yes!
Samantha Foote: "Three times three is nine. [00:16:00] I will report back if this, this worked for me.
Kim Guche: I'll, I'll do, I'll make a little recording for him so you can play it for him.
Samantha Foote: Awesome. Awesome. Thank you.
Samantha Foote: Hey everyone, Samantha here and I'm thrilled to invite you to join me for something special, the Parenting Power Hour.
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Samantha Foote: Are there things that parents can do at home to help their kids? Do you have some strategies that parents can do at home? [00:17:00]
Kim Guche: Well, several. I have several, yeah, but I, I think I, I always ask, I, see when you. You, when you walk, like remembering a time when you were maybe house hunting look like looking for a house. And when you, when you're in the right house, like it feels good. It doesn't really, some houses you not, you don't necessarily, you think on the outside, "I'm not gonna like this house". But then when you walk in, it has a feel or an energy to it, and you, you just know it feels nice. And then there are other, when you go to somebody's house and it looks perfect and it looks beautiful, but you can feel like there's tension just, you just walk in the door and you can feel the tension. Like every home, every place you go has an energetic feel to it. And I don't know that people necessarily stop and think about "what does that energy in my house feel like?" Because it's your house, so you're always used to it. But you can change, make the energy much calmer simply by changing the sensory [00:18:00] environment. And we know that kids with autism and sensory processing disorders are so impacted by lights, sounds, smells, like everything in the sensory environment. So, I think one thing that's so easy that, that it was just an easy thing to do. Start your morning with classical music or, or, or meditation music. Like just put a YouTube meditation music on instead of the tv or instead of letting kids get on a screen or get on their iPad or make a new routine that, and make it, calm lighting or simple like lavender essential oil in the diffuser while you have calming music on and not bright lights or even changing like the color in the in the room. It is really simple things like it, even if you have, kids are really responsive visually to colors. So, if you pick a calming color that's [00:19:00] on the walls or like flowers that are on the center of the table. It, you think it's not doing a lot, but it is cause they take all that and and just making things quieter. Right. Just starting out, even I used to do this with my kids and I remember they would roll their eyes, uh, but I would say it's, it would, it's Monday mornings, Monday meditation morning. And they would say, oh, not meditation morning. But I'm telling you it, I, I would remind them nobody likes it when we, we, when the bus comes and we've had a screaming match, that doesn't feel good for anybody. So, I would just do, it would be like maybe 60 seconds. We, we would just turn everything off. Like I would put the candles on, quiet music, and then we would just breathe, and then they got used to it, and then where they started rolling their eyes, then they started asking, "oh, it's Monday. Aren't we gonna do our meditation?" Because it would feel good. I mean, they, I think they thought it was weird in [00:20:00] the beginning, but it was a, they knew it felt much better to either get in the car or get on the bus calm than having, they're all screaming at each other or I'm screaming at them. So that's, that's easy. Just changing the sensory environment. And then I think my, I think we were talking about, it's a, it's, you could do it as quickly, you could spend as much or as little time doing it, but it's a very simple, it's called Hakalau. It's a very simple way to get into a meditative state and I teach it to kids and if a, if a child can do it, anyone can do it. But it's really just about, um, changing your focus on a visual focal point and becoming aware of your peripheral, like the sides and above and below, and really just, just breathing and setting an intention. And if you could remind, well, [00:21:00] if the parent could model it and then also remind the child to do it, or you do it together, you could do it in 30 seconds, 60 seconds, could do two minutes, but it, it really brings a significant sense of calm and peacefulness because you're, you're expanding your, your awareness, but you're, you're also going inward. So
Samantha Foote: yeah,
Kim Guche: that can be combined with, while you're focusing visually on your peripheral environment, it could be combined with a mantra or just a calming word, even if, if you're just saying, "quiet, quiet, quiet". While, while the child's doing that, then they become quiet. And all I mean it, it doesn't. and pretty much any child can follow that. It's, it's easy to do and you can teach it to kids. They can, they can use that before they [00:22:00] take a test, before they have to, before they go to class, before they read something, before you read them a story. It just really opens their unconscious mind. So, they're taking in information. It's bypassing the anxiety level. Yeah, so, so there's that.
Samantha Foote: That is awesome.
Kim Guche: Yeah. Even doing like simple things like reminding kids, well, how many people eat their meal like in a rush cause we're always short on time or we, we gotta get out the door, we gotta get to baseball, we gotta get to therapy, we have to get somewhere. So, everyone's eating so fast and then it, you're not even breathing while you're eating. Your digestion is off and then you don't feel good after you eat. So even just stopping to take three or four breaths, slow, deep breaths before you eat and remembering [00:23:00] that sometimes when you wanna go faster, go slower.
Samantha Foote: Yeah, that's a good suggestion.
Kim Guche: I mean, I, I have to say it to myself all the time because I would be that person. You, when you wanna go faster, you make more mistakes. You spill your coffee, you, you like, something happens and then you're, you continue to rush and you're forcing things and you end up losing time. But when you wanna go faster, if you go slower. Because we're always rushing kids.
Samantha Foote: Mm-hmm.
Kim Guche: So if we, if we let them be slower or giving visual cues instead of yelling, cause they become, they tune that out a picture or some other visual cue. If you make a, like a, a, like a, a schedule with, kids like to use magnetic cards or Velcro cards, but even have them do it like, this is what we're gonna do first, second, and third before we leave, they're participating in [00:24:00] it physically by putting the cards on the, the strip and they're seeing the, the picture cues. So, they're not shocked or you're not pulling them away from, they're already hyperfocused on the thing, usually a screen or something they're playing with before school, but you're getting them more visually focused on, first, second, and third.
Samantha Foote: Yeah. I love those strategies, especially like slowing down, giving them a visual schedule, letting them know what's gonna happen and just, yeah, just slowing down and not rushing everything, cause I was thinking about it and if ever someone was talking to me all the time being like, "let's go, let's go, let's go. You gotta get your shoes on. You gotta", it would be. It would give me anxiety, so yes.
Kim Guche: Yeah,
Samantha Foote: that is fantastic. Do you have any resources that you recommend or that you have for parents?
Kim Guche: Resources. Well, I do, [00:25:00] I do have my Peaceful Parenting audio. It's a meditative, it's for parents, but I do have them for kids as well.
Samantha Foote: Mm-hmm.
Kim Guche: I, I, I have created a lot of little bedtime stories, so those, I have those that I could share. Definitely for your listeners, they can get access to my Peaceful Parenting, so I will share that with you.
Samantha Foote: Yeah,
Kim Guche: For your audience.
Samantha Foote: I can put in the show notes. Yeah.
Kim Guche: Yeah. I can put in, I'll put in one for, well, most of these kids have a hard time sleeping, going to bed. So, I will put in one also about, I can't remember what I, what I named it, but it's about going to, like easier bedtime or something like that. Uh, so, cause that's a, that's a big stressor in, in a lot of homes. Parents dread when it starts to get to be time to get ready for the bedtime routine cause it becomes a fight. And, and there's not a lot of, there's not a lot of peace at bedtime when it should be time to quiet down. [00:26:00]
Samantha Foote: Yeah, for sure.
Kim Guche: So, I'll share that one as well.
Samantha Foote: That would be amazing. Thank you so much. And where can people find you online?
Kim Guche: So my website is entrancinginspirations.com.
Samantha Foote: Okay, cool. Yeah, if anyone has any questions, go there. They can contact you. Look at all the things you have and yeah, we really appreciate your time and coming today.
Kim Guche: Thank you so much.
Samantha Foote: I have learned so much. And our last question is, what do you do for fun?
Kim Guche: What do I do for fun? I do a lot of things. I have been learning Italian because I, it's always been, uh, I am Italian and I have always wanted to become fluent. So, I am doing, doing my Italian lessons and I do wanna take my trip to Italy. And I do improv. I am getting really into that cause I wanted to do something to get me outta my comfort zone. And I like doing art, so I'm always signing up for some [00:27:00] kind of art class, always looking for something to stretch me creatively, but also get me doing things that scare me.
Samantha Foote: Yeah. Yeah. That's important. That's awesome. I love it.
Kim Guche: Yeah.
Samantha Foote: Well, thank you so much for coming on the show, and
Kim Guche: Thanks for having me, it's been so fun!
Samantha Foote: Yeah, thank you. Well, Lauren, what were the highlights?
Lauren Ross: A lot. I, I think, I think we all have a stereotypical view of what hypnotherapy might look like. Well, maybe for adults, but I, I love how she said, she goes about it and with play and I, and I think this happens a lot. I think when you, when it, people like, don't think it's effective because they can't tell that something is happening and I think that's when it's most effective. So like, when you're playing or doing something like, yes, from an outsider, you're like, how is that helping? But it actually is. And then I think it's just, again, like we've had [00:28:00] quite a few people who are going about things differently. This isn't a huge one that we've talked about before, but I think it's just a reminder that there's tons of different options out there for you guys to try and, and it doesn't hurt if, if one thing is working, and again, not everything is gonna work for, for everybody, but you know, we're, we're, we're, we're throwing things out there for you guys. And then I really appreciate that saying children don't exist in a vacuum. I think I, feeling the vibes and the energy. I think that happens when you have a lot of empathy and I think kids have a lot of empathy and they can tell and see what's going on. Whether you wanna admit that or not, as an adult.
Samantha Foote: Yeah,
Lauren Ross: It's, it's, it's really clear to them. And so I think when adults can be mindful of the energy they're putting out the space and the environment. And so I like what she said, just being mindful of your home. Do you have bright colors everywhere or [00:29:00] is it really bright and loud? And do you have offending smells that you think are great, when maybe your child doesn't? So just kind of taking a, a home inventory and looking what, what might be problematic. And so, I think that's just a really good reminder. But I love what she does and I think, I think that's awesome. And the way that she does it, so.
Samantha Foote: Yeah, that's part of the Parenting with Confidence course that we do is mastering your own self-regulation. That's one of the three things in it, and I love what she said about that: Monitor the energy in your home, and that's why I teach that because I want you to feel good about yourself. I want your kid to have a good relationship with you, but I want your home to have a good feeling too, where you like being in your home. Your kid likes being in your home, and the energy is top notch.
Lauren Ross: And I think, yeah, I think, and then I think it's so important in the home particularly, again, that's where like most of your time is generally [00:30:00] spent. That's where your eat, breathe, sleep, where you're supposed to feel safe and know those energies and vibes are off. You're gonna, you're gonna have issues and then kids are gonna see that more than adults are. So.
Samantha Foote: Yep. For sure. I was just recording a video about hypersensitivity versus hyposensitivity and kids can be either one, but I feel like kids, especially neurodivergent kids, are especially hypersensitive to the emotions of others and the way they interpret things is wild to me. Like, I was really frustrated with my 8-year-old the other day, and now he is asking if having kids was what I expected or if it was different or are they too much? Do I regret having kids? And I'm like, no! Like.
Lauren Ross: That's a lot for a little one to be like thinking and asking that based on what might be going on.
Samantha Foote: Based [00:31:00] on me being like frustrated. I didn't even yell at him or anything, I was just really frustrated. And ever since it happened, he's been asking like, "was kids worth it? Do you think kids are worth it to have?" And I'm like, "absolutely!" I'm like, where is this coming from? I know where it's coming from but just be aware that kids don't interpret things the way that you interpret them. And so, I just thought that was a good reminder. Like you have to be very explicit, especially with neurodivergent kids, like, "hey, I was acting this way because I was frustrated. It has no reflection on you. It's no reflection on my relationship with you or how I feel about you. Like I was just frustrated in that moment" because I don't even think I was frustrated with him. I was frustrated about something else, and then I just had that energy about me. So now, well, do you want kids? I'm like, of course. I love my kids. Of course I want my kids.
Lauren Ross: Yeah.
Samantha Foote: So anyway, just something to think about. [00:32:00] So,
Lauren Ross: and give kids more credit like they're, they're smarter than we think they are. And again, they're observing. They're feeling the vibes like.
Samantha Foote: yeah, for sure.
Lauren Ross: Just be mindful.
Samantha Foote: Yeah. So thank you everyone for listening this week. Thank you for tuning in. Let us know if there's anything you want to hear, like any topics that you wanna hear about, any guests that you wanna hear from. We've had people recommend some people to me to have on the podcast. So if you have someone that you wanna see on the podcast, let us know and have a great week.
Lauren Ross: Thanks guys.
Thank you for listening to today's episode. We hope this discussion on neurodiversity has provided you with support, understanding and inspiration. If you're looking for more support, Or you can go to everybrainisdifferent.com and download the ultimate guide to parenting your neurodivergent child.
