122- Rachel Forrester with Navigating Housing Decisions for Kids with Disabilities

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Welcome to Every Brain is Different, the podcast where we celebrate the unique world of neurodiversity. We are your hosts, Samantha Foote, a neurodivergent, Board Certified Music Therapist and mom to three kids of ADHD and autism. And Lauren Ross, an ally to the neurodivergent community with over 10 years of experience supporting children and adults with autism.

This podcast is for parents like you. Navigating the world of neurodiversity with love and compassion. Together we'll create a world where every brain is valued and celebrated. We're excited to embark on this enlightening journey with you.

Transcript:

Samantha Foote: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Every Brain is Different podcast. We are here with Rachel Forrester, and she is an Idaho real estate broker helping busy families find their ideal home in the Treasure Valley in Idaho.

Welcome to the podcast, Rachel. We are super excited to have you.

Rachel Forrester: Thanks for having me.

Samantha Foote: Can you tell us a little bit more about how you're involved in the neurodivergent community? [00:01:00]

Rachel Forrester: Yeah. So I'm the founder of one of the largest support groups on Facebook. It's called Idaho Autism Moms. And I'm also the admin of Idaho Special Needs Parents.

So between the two of those, those are some of the largest parent support groups for children and families with special needs.

Samantha Foote: Yeah. And I recommend Idaho Autism Moms to everyone. I recommend it on this podcast. I re- I think I recommend it, like, every other episode. It is an awesome place, and I love how you've made it a positive place, and if things start to get out of control, you're like, "Whoa. This is our mission. This is what we're doing," and you remind people of why we're there, and it's very supportive. I love it.

Rachel Forrester: Well, awesome. Thank you.

Samantha Foote: So thank you. Yeah.

But today, we are going to be talking about how housing changes impact families with different needs. So you're a broker, can you tell us some [00:02:00] things, like, that families should look for or be aware of when they are looking for a new home for their family with different needs?

Rachel Forrester: Yeah. Well, e- everything in real estate, the answer is always kinda it, it depends on what you need. So making a move with a special needs kid can kinda be a whole different ballgame for, for s- some families, and it just kinda depends on everybody's individual needs. I know that w- what I repeatedly hear is that a lot of people feel judged, um, because our lives are different than most people expect, and not everybody understands it. So it can be really vulnerable to have to invite professionals into your home and not know how they're going to, uh, perceive it, basically. So I think that it's helpful to have somebody that just kind of gets it, 'cause they've been there or because they've worked with a lot of families that [00:03:00] have different needs and can be accommodating and make suggestions on how to make the process easier.

Samantha Foote: Yeah, and what would you recommend to people to maybe look for? Let's say they have a kid with autism, and what, what are some things that you recommend they look for in a home that they might not think about?

Rachel Forrester: Uh, again, that's kinda highly dependent on-

Samantha Foote: Oh yeah, for sure ... Yeah.

Rachel Forrester: the person. Yeah. So, uh, I find that families that have kids on the spectrum are sometimes looking for maybe extra space to have a sensory room or something. Maybe they hadn't thought of that. Uh, but usually by the time somebody comes to me, they're, they're very aware that there's a, a deficiency in their current home that just doesn't meet their current lifestyle. And it might be that all the kids need separate rooms. A- and, and this isn't even a, a disability-specific problem, it's just a life problem. Uh, but generally, people are looking for more space or [00:04:00] more space that's functional to their needs.

Samantha Foote: Yeah, for sure. I am super jealous of my sister-in-law that lives right next door to me, and she has a bigger house, and she has a sensory room. And her kids have autism and other things going on, and so my kids go over to their sensory room and play. But I'm just ... I want to build a house, and when I build a house, I'm going to build a giant sensory room so that my kids can play in there and just get out what they need. Like, my one son loves to swing, but in the middle of winter when it's snowing outside, he can't go out and swing or else he's gonna freeze to death. And so, yeah, I love it. That's a good point.

I know when we were looking for a home, we looked at this home that was right by a canal, and I was like, "Absolutely not. We are not going there." And so, [00:05:00] yeah, that was just something that- I thought about, but there's a lot of things that I didn't think about until I was in my home. And then once we bought the house, I was like, "Oh, I wish I had this. I wish I had that." Like, all these different things. So I love that people can go to you, and they can tell you exactly what's going on, and you can be like, "Oh, have you thought of this? Have you thought of that?" Like, just different things. So yeah, I appreciate you.

Rachel Forrester: Yeah. Well, you mentioned a canal, and that's definitely something that comes up, uh, when we're working with th- a, a lot of families that have younger kids. They don't necessarily wanna be near a canal or a busy road. And, and for anybody, those are things to consider no matter what because it will affect the resell of your home, whether it affects the time on market or if it has to be, um, resold for less than the comps in the area because it's got something we can't change. Hey, it backs to a busy road, and well, now you have a smaller buyer [00:06:00] pool because not everybody wants to be next to a busy road. So those are things to consider in any real estate transaction, but especially when we have children that might have some additional needs or maybe some less awareness of safety. Those are definitely requests that I've gotten.

Samantha Foote: Yeah. Yeah. I know. That's what I was thinking about, or my husband was actually thinking about that when we bought our house. He's, "I don't wanna be, like, the corner house on the side of a busy street. I wanna be back." And we, like, live in half a cul-de-sac. I don't know. It's very secluded from the other streets, which I love. But I didn't even think about that, so I was appreciative that he thought about those things, and he's, "Yeah, I don't wanna live there." And so that just made my life easier. But-

Rachel Forrester: That's something to take in- into consideration, like I said, in any type of home purchase. Um, but when somebody comes to me and has these specific needs, I'm also gonna take the additional legwork out of the process for [00:07:00] them and make sure that I'm checking on those things before I say, "Hey, let's go check out this house." I'm gonna pull it up on the map, and I'm gonna see, okay, is it backed to a busy street? Is there a canal nearby? Does it have this extra sensory space that they're asking for? That way it's just another mental load, 'cause we have a huge mental load as special needs parents, that gets taken off of their plate. And I think that that's really important that we make the process as smooth as possible with the least disruption to our lives because our lives are already crazy, and we might have multiple therapy appointments or kids that are just, uh, not very easily- kids that don't easily adjust to change is what I'm trying to say.

Samantha Foote: Yes. Yeah.

Rachel Forrester: Yeah. And I think that's one of the biggest factors when I hear from families in the autism community is we want as little disruption as possible to our daily lives, uh, 'cause moving is one of the most stressful things that we can do in our lives, and we're already doing something very stressful all day every day.[00:08:00]

Samantha Foote: Yes. Yeah, exactly.

Do you recommend to parents to maybe think about the resources that are available in the area? So is it near, like, speech therapy or occupational therapy or music therapy, because that's what I do. And, or I appreciate that we are relatively close to a hospital because my son is going to the ER every other day, I swear. It's more like once a month, but it's a lot. And so I appreciate, like, we've thought about moving and building a house on my parents' property, uh, about an hour away, and I'm like- Do I want to drive an hour every time he has to go to a specialist, every time he has to go to the ER? I realize there are hospitals over there, but we've, like you said, we don't like change, and we've established care with the doctors, and I would not trade his ophthalmologist or his neurologist for anything. Like, they know him, we're [00:09:00] established, and it's awesome.

Rachel Forrester: Right, and it's not like there's very many neurologists in the state anyways.

Samantha Foote: Yeah, yeah. So I don't know, that's just something that I was thinking about when we were thinking about moving was, yeah, we could get a bigger house and we could have all this stuff, but do we wanna be that far away from, like, his other resources? And he goes to counseling and occupational therapy, and do you wanna change schools? So that's something to think about, too, because schools, I know a lot of people that, they don't get the right support, and in our school we have amazing support. So that's something that I think about, too, is if we move, what's the school gonna be like?

Rachel Forrester: Yeah, absolutely, and these are all things to consider, uh, in a move for anybody, honestly. So some of the questions I ask when people come to me and they're like, "Hey, where should I live?" Well, what do you like to do? What do you need to be close to? Do you have a commute for work? Do you need to be in [00:10:00] a specific school boundary? Do you need to be close to a hospital or services that are important to your family? So those are all questions that we go through in the process of interviewing in the first place. I like to do a really in-depth initial consult so that we're really getting to the crux of what people need. And again, this comes back to we wanna make this process as smooth as possible, because there's a, a lot of agents that will go in and just kinda, they'll show you 20 houses, and that's because they haven't asked the right questions. It's really easy to say, "Well, cool, how many bedrooms do you need? How many bathrooms do you need?" And you set up this search and it turns up this really broad, uh, vast array of information, but it's not really targeted specifically to what you're looking for. And if we were not asking, "Hey, what do you need to be close to? What do you like to do? What do you want? Are you commuting?" Then we're not really honing in on, you know, okay, well this is close to the freeway and you have a commute, or you, you're in the ER once, uh, what did you say? Once a week, once a month?

Samantha Foote: One, well, it depends. [00:11:00] Depends on the month, but yeah.

Rachel Forrester: So, okay, which hospital do you wanna be close to? And that changes our search parameters so that we can really narrow down that search and make it easy for you so that we're finding that home in the first 8 to 10 houses we look at, not 20 houses later when everybody wants to stick a fork in their eye and, and bribery doesn't work for the kids anymore.

Samantha Foote: Yeah, or the kids go to houses- This is what happened to us. We were just looking, or not super seriously, but just seeing what was out there, and we'd take our kids to a house, and they would be like, "I love this house. I wanna buy it." And then they would be like, "We're living in this house. We're gonna move into this house." And I was like- ... "No, we're not." Like, "We're just looking at it to see what's out there, to see if we want to move." But- ... they got it in their head that we were living in that house and that was our new house. And it was really hard for them-

Rachel Forrester: Every kid does that.

Samantha Foote: when I said no. Yeah, yeah. And they're just like, "This is where we're gonna live, and I'm gonna live in this room, and I'm gonna live in this room." And I'm like, "Oh, my gosh. We're not moving. What are you [00:12:00] doing?" So, yeah, that was interesting.

Rachel Forrester: And sometimes part of that process can be, I might go preview homes for somebody because they don't wanna drag the kids out. And I do a really good video walkthrough. I've sold houses, uh, remotely many, many times and had my clients show up and see their house for the first time after they purchase it, and they've been really happy. So, and, and that's not typically the case with what we're discussing right now because you guys are local, but yeah. I mean, that can be an option where we can do a, a remote showing, and then you can decide, okay, do we really wanna drag the kids out and go see this house in person, and have the kids picking out their bedrooms? And if you need me to temper it a little, I'm gonna ask the kids, "Okay, are you buying it? Are you gonna write the check?" They think that's kind of funny. Um, kids are so innocent. Sometimes they'll be like, "Yeah, I think that this house is, like, $1,500, and that's a lot of money."

Samantha Foote: Yeah.

Rachel Forrester: It's just cute.

Samantha Foote: Yeah, my kids are like, [00:13:00] "I have $20, and I have so much money." I'm like, "Yes, you have so much money."

Rachel Forrester: Right.

Samantha Foote: And then my older one, yeah, my older one that actually understands money a little bit, he's, "No, you're poor. You're very, very poor." And I'm like... And then they get into a big fight about it. But yes, kids are funny 'cause they don't understand it. Like, we did go to, when we did go to that house, they're like, "What does this cost, like $1,000?" 'Cause that was just an astronomical amount, 'cause I said- ... the house costs too much, so we couldn't buy it. And they're like, "What is it, $1,000?" I'm like, "Oh, honey, I wish."

Rachel Forrester: I like to see their eyes turn into saucers when I'm like "No, this one's $500,000." And they're like, "That's a lot."

Samantha Foote: Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

Do you do anything, or do you have any recommendations for when people move in, and let's say that their kid, like, elopes or runs away, or they're very loud, and it might disturb neighbors? Do you [00:14:00] recommend, like, the family moving in go meet their neighbors and say, "Hey, this is a situation we have going on," or how would you navigate that?

Rachel Forrester: Ooh. See, that's a tricky one because... I feel like you don't wanna go and present your vulnerable kid to just anybody. So my recommendation would be to typically just kind of feel out the situation. That can just be, uh, that's very individual. Uh, but neighbor conflicts can and have been problems before, uh, which is very unfortunate, and sometimes you can't resolve them with people.

Samantha Foote: Yeah. And I really like that you brought that up, that you don't want to make your kid vulnerable to someone that you don't know. I know that some people are like, "Yeah, we go meet the neighbors, and we tell them all about our kids, and that they have autism or they have Down syndrome, or they have whatever, and just to, this is what to be aware of." But I like that you brought that up, 'cause that's an important thing to think about, for sure. I appreciate that.

Rachel Forrester: Yeah, and that's, that can actually be a pretty hot topic in our group sometimes. But I, I would always heir on the side of first we wanna protect our kids, not proclaim to everybody around that they're vulnerable.

Samantha Foote: Yeah. For sure. I appreciate that. I found out the other day that my, one of my neighbors is someone that maybe I don't want my kids around, and so I'm glad that I- Didn't go talk to him about my kids, because-

Rachel Forrester: Right ...

Samantha Foote: for him to know that they're vulnerable, like, I had no idea. And then I just found out some things that he had done that I'm just like, "Mm, I'm glad that we don't have a relationship with you," so.

Rachel Forrester: Right. So there's actually a lot of publicly available information sometimes, but the, the important thing to remember is that not everybody gets caught, not everybody has a record. But it, [00:16:00] I think it's important for me to let clients know that the information is available if it's important to them. You can contact the local police department to see what the crime stats are in the neighborhood. You can look up the sex offender registry and see who might be around the area, and that can fluctuate as people move in and out, so it's not a guarantee. But it's nice to be aware of that information. And I always tell my clients when they're purchasing a home, "Hey, you might wanna check this stuff out if it's important to you."

Samantha Foote: Yeah, for sure. I wish that we would've done that before we moved in, because on our street there was a drug house, and it got raided, and that was crazy. And-

Rachel Forrester: Traumatic for-

Samantha Foote: Yeah, yeah ...

Rachel Forrester: a unsuspecting child to witness maybe.

Samantha Foote: Yeah. And then down the street from our house, someone's gun accidentally went off in their house and tried to shoot someone. So yeah, I wish that I maybe would've checked that out before we moved. Every, all those [00:17:00] people have moved now, so it's fine. But when we first moved in, I was like, "We're in, like, we're in a good part of town. What is going on?" So I just say that to say you think you're in a good part of town, you think that you're fine and you don't have to check those things, but it's important to check them just to know what's going on and what you're moving into.

Rachel Forrester: Right, and you're never gonna find the ideal area that-

Samantha Foote: Oh, yeah ...

Rachel Forrester: has every single thing you want and is completely free of everything that you don't want, especially because people do move in and out of areas. Those things can fluctuate. So you never know who's going to end up being your neighbor at some point. But I think that it is worth it to investigate what's going on in the neighborhood that you're considering moving in, if that's something that's important to you. And it often is important to people. They want a neighborhood where they can enjoy their neighbors and make friends with them. So I've even suggested, go take walks through the neighborhood at various times throughout the day. See what's going on in [00:18:00] there. Talk to people. Get a feel for whether they like where they live, whether it's neighborly, if that's what you're looking for. And, and we kind of run into, I, I have to be careful what I say because of fair housing violations. So when people come to me and say, "I want a neighborhood full of kids," well, I can't be like, "Hey, this neighborhood has a ton of kids." But I can be like, "Hey, why don't you go drive through the neighborhood at various times and see if there's a bunch of bikes on the lawn or something. See if this is what you're looking for." So my hands are tied to some degree when people come to me and ask me for those specific things, but I can give people recommendations on how to find out that information without violating fair housing laws on my end.

Samantha Foote: Yeah. That's important to know too, that there are just so many things that I wish I woulda known before I bought a house. The, like, that kinda stuff. Like, we'd ask the realtor questions, and he's, "I can't answer that." Like, he, he would be like you, like, "Why [00:19:00] don't you go check it out and see how it is?" So- Yeah.

Rachel Forrester: Yeah, our hands are super tight in that regard. But thankfully, we have a, a really big online presence in our community, and people can get those questions answered in a more objective way. A- and that's the other thing. A lot of times I'll get people coming to me asking, "Well, what school should my special needs kid go to?" And I'm like, "I can't answer that, but I can tell you, why don't you go talk to people in these groups and see what their experiences have been with different schools?" Then you're getting, uh, a myriad of information, different opinions, different experiences, and not just something that I'm spitting out that I, I really can't anyways. But why would you wanna base it on one person's opinion anyway?

Samantha Foote: Yeah, that's smart. Definitely use your resources. Idaho Autism Moms is a fantastic resource if you're in Idaho. And do you have any other resources that you can share with our audience? I know [00:20:00] you have a freebie that you have on your website you were talking about.

Rachel Forrester: Yeah. I have a guide that goes through my method that I put all my clients through when they come to me, and usually they're listing a house, and they're looking to make a move, or maybe they're just listing, or maybe they're just buying. But it just kinda breaks down my method and how I make the process easier for them so that everybody's kind of, they're informed, they know what to expect next each step of the way, and they know how I handle things and make the job easier for them. So it's, my guide is called The Freedom Method, and you can find that, you can go to my Instagram, actually, and it's the link right underneath in my bio, takes you right to the form for that. And if you click on there that you want additional information on special needs, then you kinda get a little bit different information that's more relevant to your situation. So yeah, and my Instagram is the.208.rachel

Samantha Foote: I love it. [00:21:00] That sounds like a fantastic guide. So when I decide to move, because we have to get out of my house eventually-

Rachel Forrester: But not an hour away ...

Samantha Foote: it's too small. Yeah, yeah, not an hour away. But it is too small for my family to not have meltdowns all the time. So, we-

Rachel Forrester: Everybody needs their space is what I’m hearing.

Samantha Foote: Yeah, yeah. We need another room so that my kids can have their own room, because the rooms are already kind of small, and so them sharing a room is, it's not working out for me.

Rachel Forrester: Yeah, we're beyond that too.

Samantha Foote: Yeah, yeah. So, but thank you so much for coming on the show.

Our last question is, what do you do for fun?

Rachel Forrester: I was prepared for this question, because I hear that everybody else trips over it on this podcast.

Samantha Foote: Yeah.

Rachel Forrester: But I love to go to concerts.

Samantha Foote: Ooh, we should be friends. Concerts are my love language. What has been, like, one of your favorite concerts? I [00:22:00] know there's, it's probably hard to pick, like, the favorite, but what’s been-

Rachel Forrester: Do you want my top 10 list? No, I'm just kidding. I recently went to Iron Maiden, and that was a really good one. Smith was amazing, Red Hot Chili Peppers, I've seen Ozzy Osbourne, Elton John, I've seen him a couple of times.

Samantha Foote: Oh, wow.

Rachel Forrester: So those are probably some of my top concerts.

Samantha Foote: Yeah. That's awesome. I love it.

Well, thank you so much for coming on the show. I really appreciate it.

Rachel Forrester: Thanks for having me.

Samantha Foote: Yeah.

Hey, everyone, Samantha here, and I'm thrilled to invite you to join me for something special, the Parenting Power Hour. This is your chance, parents of neurodivergent kids, to bring your questions directly to me and fellow parents in the room. We're here to help you develop actionable plans that really work so you can finally stop the meltdowns and find peace in your home. As a mom to three kids with ADHD and autism, I've seen and been through the challenges too. So trust me, we'll find solutions together that fit your family. Don't miss out on the Parenting Power [00:23:00] Hour. It's a free, online monthly gathering every second Thursday of the month from 12:45 to 1:45 Mountain Standard Time. Visit everybrainisdifferent.com to reserve your spot today.

Well, Lauren, what were the highlights?

Lauren Ross: Yeah, I just, uh, appreciate that she wants to make the process as smooth as possible. I, I have just, I've heard horror stories of, of trying to buy a house, and I recently, my friend recently bought a house, and sh- keeping me in the loop of that process and what it looked like, and that I can only imagine that if you're also having children that have special needs and high demand and things like that, that, that can just be even more overwhelming, overwhelming. And so I appreciate that she has ways to, to help make that process as smooth as possible and as less disruptive as possible.

Like you said, and I really like that she brought up, [00:24:00] you don't want to let people know about your vulnerable children. And, and in a way, yes, you wanna get to know your neighbors, but, like, maybe do that tentatively and decide what information you wanna share, like, after meeting with them. 'Cause I think that's, uh, that's a really, a really good point.

And then I really liked this idea, and I've never really heard anyone else ever say this, but, you know, if you're interested in a neighborhood, go take walks a different time around that neighborhood. Get the vibe, see who's out and about. I thought that was really smart, and I've never really thought about it, and I think that's a really good way to, to, to check out your, your future home and, and to learn things. And so I thought that was, like, really great advice. And so do that.

Samantha Foote: Yeah.

Lauren Ross: Yeah. But yeah, I just, I, I appreciate that she's trying to make the process smooth. I- that, that she'll do a video walkthrough, like, if you can't make it or the therapy schedule's too much, like, [00:25:00] that she can kinda help narrow it down before you decide to make the time commitment to, to do walkthroughs and things like that. And so I just think that's great.

Samantha Foote: Yeah. I know when we bought our house, I did none of the things that she said to do. And I kinda wish I would've. I don't think it would've really changed our mind about buying the house, but I would've been more aware of what we were walking into.

Lauren Ross: Yeah.

Samantha Foote: And I did not know that my kids had disabilities when we bought the house. None of them had been diagnosed yet. My son was less, I think he was, like, a year old when we bought the house. And so, yeah. But I love all the suggestions that she gives, and yeah, that she does the virtual walkthrough, because now if I were going to go buy a house, I would love that. Because taking all my kids there, them getting excited about it and then having to be like, "No, we're not doing [00:26:00] this," and then they get all angry about it. And so it's just awesome that she, she's willing to do that.

Lauren Ross: And if you don't wanna take your kids but, and then you have babysitting to think about, it's just a really good option.

I, I also really like how she encour- she, she can only say certain things, and so I like that she encourages, like, "Well, why don't you go to this group of people and ask?" And, and I, I love that she's, you should be talking to multiple people and not just taking one person's- Opinion as that's the route you should go, and so, uh, I appreciate that she mentioned that as well. But u- utilizing the resources out there, and you could research, but I don't think it was gonna tell you that there was a drug house. They didn't find out till they, like, arrested people, and so you're not gonna get all, like, all the information, but you're gonna get a prob- a pretty good idea utilizing the resources out there and just knowing what to ask. And it's great that there's people like her to, to help guide in that process.

Samantha Foote: Yeah. So I really encourage everyone to go get her guide. Even [00:27:00] if you're not moving to the Idaho area, I think it would just be good to get to know what to ask your realtor in your area when you buy your house, and just have some idea of what the process might be like.

Lauren Ross: Yeah.

Samantha Foote: And then if you're moving to Idaho, I mean, call her, 'cause she's amazing, so.

Lauren Ross: There you go.

Samantha Foote: Yeah. And then if anyone needs support in other areas with your neurodivergent child, we have our Parenting Power Hour on the second Thursday of every month from 12:45 to 1:45 that you can come to, totally free. I'll be there. Hopefully other parents will be there and can support you if you need to vent, or if you have any questions, we can answer them and just come up with a plan. So yeah, everyone, thank you for listening, and we will see you next week.

Thank you for listening to today's episode. We hope this discussion on neurodiversity has provided you with support, understanding and inspiration. If you're looking for more support, Or you can go to everybrainisdifferent.com and download the ultimate guide to parenting your neurodivergent child.