136- Halloween Overwhelm in Kids with ADHD and Autism

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Welcome to Every Brain is Different, the podcast where we celebrate the unique world of neurodiversity. We are your hosts, Samantha Foote, a neurodivergent, Board Certified Music Therapist and mom to three kids of ADHD and autism. And Lauren Ross, an ally to the neurodivergent community with over 10 years of experience supporting children and adults with autism.

This podcast is for parents like you. Navigating the world of neurodiversity with love and compassion. Together we'll create a world where every brain is valued and celebrated. We're excited to embark on this enlightening journey with you.

Transcript:

Samantha Foote: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Every Brain is Different podcast. It is Samantha and Lauren here with you and we are talking about Halloween and all the sensory things that come with Halloween and all the sensory, sensory overwhelm.

Lauren Ross: So many things.

Samantha Foote: Yes. And I was going to reference our mom [00:01:00] burnout, um, what's it called? Series because I am learning that right now. It's like I learned all of that stuff and shared it with people and then life hit me and was like, you're gonna put this into action.

Lauren Ross: It's now applicable.

Samantha Foote: Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, it's been applicable in the past, but it just hit me.

Lauren Ross: Well, it’s a good thing you were talking about it and now you have that fresh reminder of the things that might help.

Samantha Foote: So. We had decided to homeschool my son because he said he did not feel safe at school and he is having a lot of anxiety about going to school. And I was like, “okay, we're not, we're not gonna do this anymore.” because I don't know if people remember, but in episode 126, we interviewed Karen Casso and she said something that will stick with me forever, and she said, “When kids, neurodivergent kids, are in [00:02:00] school, they're learning social skills and academic skills at the same time.” Obviously neurotypical kids are also doing that, but it's maybe a little bit more difficult for neurodivergent kids, some neurodivergent kids, and she said, “Why would you make them learn both of those things at the same time, if you could do them separately?”

So homeschooling doesn't mean you don't do social skills, you don't do social activities. It just means you do them separately. So you do academic work and you do social work and you do them separately. And so I was like, “oh my gosh, that's genius.” 'cause I always said I would never homeschool based on social reasons. I was like, if my kid is having trouble in school socially, I'm not going to homeschool them. I have changed my ways. And now we're moving forward.

But the part about mom burnout with this, is obviously this is another thing on my plate, that my plate was already full. And so I have handed this off to my [00:03:00] husband and I'm like, “you take this on, I will obviously support you.” Like obviously my husband has to work and so on the days that he's working, I will help my son with homeschool. But he signed him up yesterday, for the paperwork. Like he signed them up for homeschool 'cause we're going through a school district for it. And he was like, “okay, I need these documents. I don't know where to find them.” And so I helped him with that. But he took that on and he has been researching things and I, I was so proud of myself for not being like, oh, I have to do that, or I need to do that.

Lauren Ross: Like micromanaging it.

Samantha Foote: Yeah. Yeah. I'm not micromanaging it. I'm just like, you are taking this on. This is your thing, and I will support when you tell me you need support and-

Lauren Ross: I can trust you to do it.

Samantha Foote: Yeah. Yeah. And then one of my kids was in the hospital over the weekend and I was with him from Wednesday to Friday, and then my husband came on Friday night, and I felt so guilty [00:04:00] leaving, but I was like, “no, you have been here for two and a half days. Like it's okay to let him spend some time with his son and me, spend some time with my other kids, like I don't have to be at the hospital the whole time.” And it makes more sense for my husband to be there anyway because he is a nurse.

Lauren Ross: Yeah.

Samantha Foote: So he knows what's going on and he knows how to help when I'm just like, “ah, call the nurse, call the nurse.”

So anyway, if you have not listened to the mom burnout series, go back, check that out, and listen to it, and hopefully your life doesn't explode like mind did after I shared it with everyone. But it's good advice to take. I think, so.

But today we are talking about Halloween and all the sensory overwhelm that can come with Halloween. So we're gonna talk about [00:05:00] why Halloween can be overwhelming, signs of sensory overload, and how to plan ahead and support your child before, during, and after the event, which is trick or treating. Like it's mostly trick or treating.

So I saw such a good thing today, and this is for anyone who is having trick or treaters come to their house. They say that, I think this was a good idea to have autistic people hold blue buckets if you're like, can't speak or just some other social thing going on, but why do we need to do that?

Lauren Ross: We shouldn't.

Samantha Foote: Like you shouldn't force a kid to say “trick or treat”, or say please or say thank you or whatever for a two inch piece of candy. Is it good for them to do that? Absolutely. But if they have something going on that prohibits them from doing that. [00:06:00] Don't be a jerk and be like, “I'm not giving you candy until you physically, verbally say, trick or treat, please give me candy.” No, stop it. So, I mean, if people do want to use the blue pumpkins or whatever, that's great. But if you have a trick or treater come to your house and they're not using a blue pumpkin and they don't say trick or treat, they just hand their bucket to you. Don't be a jerk. Just give them candy. It's fine, it'll all be fine. So there's my spiel on that. I just saw that this morning and I was like, “yes!”

Lauren Ross: I love it.

Samantha Foote: Yeah, but why can Halloween be overwhelming? So Halloween combines multiple sensory triggers into one event, and obviously each child's sensory profile is different. What's fun for one can be distressing for another, but these are some things that can be triggering. There's the costumes, oh my gosh, the costumes, like itchy tags, tight [00:07:00] clothing masks, makeup textures, like all the things that your child isn't used to wearing. So, just make sure you get a costume early. Try the costume on, make sure it fits well. Make sure that it, and when I say fits well, like it's not too tight, it's not too loose. It's not gonna drive your kid crazy by the things that are in it. Is it itchy? Do you need to cut out the tags? Maybe you don't wear the face makeup, like try on the face makeup before Halloween so that you know if they have a reaction to it or if they just don't like it, then you don't wear it on Halloween and it's fine. Totally fine.

And then lights and sounds. Obviously there's flashing lights, spooky music, loud decorations, doorbells, all those things.

Lauren Ross: Giant decorations too, like ginormous. That could be terrifying.

Samantha Foote: There are some houses in my neighborhood. I'm like, [00:08:00] whoa. And so people have those things. I'm not saying this is bad, I'm just saying watch out for this, that in the candy bowl they have something that jumps out when you put your hand in the candy bowl. So just warn your kid like, Hey, when we're trick or treating tonight, this might happen. And so I don't want you to be startled by it or get scared by it, so you know all the decorations. If your kid is prone to seizures, obviously you're aware of that. The flashing lights and stuff. So yeah, that can be a trigger.

And then crowds and unpredictability, so strangers in costumes, unpredictable noises, changes in routines, all of those can be triggers for sensory overwhelm. And then the sugar and excitement.

Lauren Ross: Sugar overload.

Samantha Foote: Yeah. So your kid might be so excited that they get overexcited and then they have a sensory meltdown because they don't know how to control their bodies when they're that excited.

Lauren Ross: Yeah.

Samantha Foote: [00:09:00] So you know, there's also staying up late and just being out of routine. I mean, you usually go trick or treating when it gets dark. And I know for my kids we start getting ready for bed at seven. It doesn't get dark until seven and it's a school night. And so that might be some things that you need to navigate.

Um, and just remember, during this time, sensory overload is not misbehavior, all behavior is communication. And so sensory overload is a physiological response. It's not misbehavior. They're not just acting out to act out. They're not making you mad just to make you mad, like they're having sensory overload.

Lauren Ross: Yes.

Samantha Foote: And then some things to watch for, for sensory overload, it might look like covering their eyes or covering their ears, running away or hiding, [00:10:00] having meltdowns or shut downs. You might, a kid might be so excited to go trick or treating, and then right as you're walking out the door, they just shut down and refuse to move, refuse to leave. They're out of their routine. They don't know what to expect. And so that's why they shut down. And so we have to navigate that and we'll do some suggestions later on. But that's something if you're like, “Why is my kid so excited to do this? But then not walking out the door to do it.” 'cause they're in sensory overwhelm.

Then increased irritability, tears or withdrawal. They might be in sensory overwhelm and then they go to a house and that house doesn't have any candy that they like. So tears, meltdown, all of that. You might, you have to prepare your kids for that. You have to say, “oh, we're gonna go to this house. Take a piece of candy. You don't have to eat it. We're just gonna take the candy and then maybe we'll share with friends. Maybe you'll share with your [00:11:00] parents.” But just because you're taking the candy doesn't mean you have to eat it. And you don't have to take everything that you like. And you can also just say no. Be like, “oh no, thank you.” And that's totally valid.

And then they might also say, “I want to go home”, or “I don't want to do this”. And just respect that if you're out trick or treating and they get overwhelmed. Just go home. It's fine. You won't have as much candy, it's fine.

Lauren Ross: Yeah. But you get all that candy on discount the next day.

Samantha Foote: Yeah. Yeah. If you, yeah. If you're planning on getting that candy and your kid wants to go home, just go buy some candy that's like super discounted on the 1st of November.

And then just remember that all communication is behavior. All behavior is communication.

Lauren Ross: Behavior is communication.

Samantha Foote: That's a, I did that backwards. Your child, [00:12:00] if your child is quote unquote misbehaving, they're expressing distress, not defiance.

So here are some things that you can do to prepare for Halloween night. The first thing is predictability and planning. Talk through what will happen step by step. Obviously say this might change, but here's the plan. You can use visual schedules or stories. There are, you can just Google vi- social stories on Google. Duh, I just said that. Anyway, you can just Google social stories and just say Halloween social stories and stuff will come up about trick or treating and how to help your kid know what to do for trick or treating and all of that. You can actually use pictures, like you can go in your neighborhood and take pictures and then use those. You can practice with a neighbor. So before Halloween night, just ask a neighbor, say, “Hey, can we practice trick or treating? [00:13:00] And we're gonna come to your house and go through the whole routine.” And then that will teach your kid how to do that. And, you're practicing in a calm environment, so not everyone's out so they can learn how to do it. It's like practicing your emotional regulation strategies in a calm environment before you need them. That's what practicing trick or treating is before everyone's there before the night of, and all the excitement you're practicing in a calm environment.

And then for the costume, prioritize comfort over style.

Lauren Ross: They don't have to be the cutest kid on the block.

Samantha Foote: They don't have to be the cutest kid. They don't have to be the most realistic, they don't have to be the most whatever. If they're excited about their costume, let them be excited and it's okay.

Lauren Ross: Yeah.

Samantha Foote: And then practice wearing costumes in advance. So all my kids have already tried on their costumes and we've made sure that they fit them how they want to fit and [00:14:00] that nothing's itchy, that nothing's hanging out, all that stuff. And then choose alternatives, like themed pajamas, favorite clothes or sensory friendly costumes. If you can't find a costume that they like, maybe they don't wear a costume and they still wanna go trick or treating, that's totally fine. And if people are jerks about it, you can just be like, well, they're this, or educate them and be like, my kid, wants to go trick or treating. They don't, they don't have to wear a costume. It's fine.

Lauren Ross: I like the, the PJ onesies that are like characters and I, those are good Halloween costumes.

Samantha Foote: Yeah. Yeah. My son wanted to be a creeper and I'm like, “can't we just wear your creeper pajamas?” And he said, “no, mom, those are pajamas.” But if your kid doesn't wanna wear a costume, go get the themed pajamas.

Lauren Ross: Yeah.

Samantha Foote: That's awesome. Then they're comfortable and warm because it's cold.

Lauren Ross: Exactly.

Samantha Foote: Okay. In Idaho, it's generally cold on Halloween [00:15:00] night, actually it's a tossup. Last year was super warm, but-

Lauren Ross: I like- I feel like it was cold.

Samantha Foote: Maybe, one year. One year it was warm and I was like, what is happening?

Lauren Ross: We always do a fire kit in the middle of the driveway. And they all come running up and they like, forget about the candy. 'cause they've been so cold in

Samantha Foote: Yeah. Yeah. That's what my neighbor does. Yeah. That's awesome. Anyway, tangent, because that is my life.

Okay, so managing expectations. Let your child decide how long they wanna participate. I mean, obviously if they wanna just keep going and going and going, you have to end it sometime. So you can say, “we're going to end it at two hours. If you wanna end it before that though, let me know. Like, how long do you wanna do it? You have up to two hours or whatever your limit is”, and then explain that it's okay to skip houses, stay home, or just hand out candy. So if they wanna dress up, [00:16:00] that's cool. They don't wanna go trick or treating, they just wanna hand out candy at their house. Totally fine. If you go to a house and it looks super scary or they're just not feeling the vibe of that house. Totally fine to skip it and then make sure to tell them that generally if the lights are off at a house, we're not gonna run up to it and ring the doorbell because that's a sign that people don't want you coming to their house. That was something the first year we went trick or treating when my kids were like old enough to run around by themselves. That was kind of an issue. They kept trying to go up to houses with the lights off and I was like, “no, we can't do that.” They're like, “but we're going trick or treating.” So just tell them that before and then-

Lauren Ross: Explain the rules.

Samantha Foote: Yeah, explain the rules and then create a backup plan if things become overwhelming. So what are you gonna do if they get overwhelmed and you're far away from the house? What emotional regulation strategies are you gonna use if they start panicking over [00:17:00] something or if they get mad or whatever? So explain the expectations, create a backup plan, and then go from there.

And then during Halloween, during trick or treating or whatever, if you go to parties or something, bring noise canceling headphones or a sensory bag with fidgets or comfort items, and then keep an eye on sensory load and take breaks before things escalate. If you see your kid covering their ears, covering their eyes, getting upset over candy that they thought they were gonna get and they didn't get. Then maybe just take a break. Talk about things for a while or just have a conversation about how fun the night is and just check in with them. Be like, “how are you feeling?” And all of that. And then choose low sensory environments. So go trick-or-treating early, go to quieter neighborhoods or attend sensory friendly events.

Ooh, maybe we should put on a sensory friendly trick or treating practice trick or treating. Next year. [00:18:00] Next year. Not this year. Next year.

And then have a safe word or signal for when your child needs a break. If you go with friends and they don't want to just be like, oh, I am overwhelmed. I need to go home. Maybe they don't wanna say that. Maybe they, you just have a safe word and if they say it, then you're like, oh, it's time for us to go home and not make it them that's going to, either ones to say they need to go home.

And then after Halloween, offer quiet time or favorite comfort activities when you get home. Avoid pushing for socializing or candy sorting right away. Maybe we just put the candy away, get it out the next day or in a few days, and then sort it then. If they wanna sort it that night, that's cool. But if you don't have to.

Lauren Ross: Gauge the vibes.

Samantha Foote: Yeah, gauge the vibes. That's all you gotta do.

And then, the next day you can, or gauging the vibes you can do it that night, you can say, “what [00:19:00] worked well? What did you really like about this experience? What felt hard? What could we do differently next time to make it better?” And you can just kind of do those reflection questions, if it's appropriate for your kid, so that you can make the next year even better.

And then celebrate the small wins. Even if, maybe they really want to wear a costume and go trick or treating, but it's all too overwhelming and so you just go to one house. Totally fine that they did that. That's awesome. Celebrate that win. And yeah, and just remember that all behavior is communication.

Lauren Ross: Preach.

Samantha Foote: Like we always say, your kid is not being defiant on Halloween to make you mad. They're not all excited to go trick or treating and then all of a sudden won't go to make you mad. They might be in sensory overwhelm.

Lauren Ross: Very overwhelmed.

Samantha Foote: [00:20:00] Yeah, especially if they have. Parties at school that day or different things. They're just probably really excited and nervous. So yeah.

Lauren Ross: Mhmm. A bit of everything.

Samantha Foote: Yeah. And if you need some fidgets or sensory equipment to help with this, go to our link in the show notes for Harkla and they have amazing sensory regulation tools. So, go check that out, and we will see you next week.

Thank you for listening to today's episode. We hope this discussion on neurodiversity has provided you with support, understanding and inspiration. If you're looking for more support, Or you can go to everybrainisdifferent.com and download the ultimate guide to parenting your neurodivergent child.