106- Finding the Right Home for Neurodivergent Families with Carissa Beaman

Connect with Samantha Foote!

Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/everybrainisdifferent

YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@everybrainisdifferent

Welcome to Every Brain is Different, the podcast where we celebrate the unique world of neurodiversity. We are your hosts, Samantha Foote, a neurodivergent, Board Certified Music Therapist and mom to three kids of ADHD and autism. And Lauren Ross, an ally to the neurodivergent community with over 10 years of experience supporting children and adults with autism.

This podcast is for parents like you. Navigating the world of neurodiversity with love and compassion. Together we'll create a world where every brain is valued and celebrated. We're excited to embark on this enlightening journey with you.

Transcript:

Samantha Foote: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Every Brand is Different podcast. Lauren and I are here with Carissa Beeman, and she is more than just a real estate agent. She is a true partner in the home buying and selling process. Carissa specializes in developing tailored solutions that go beyond standard checklists. Whether you're looking for sensory-friendly spaces, accessible features, or the perfect community for your family, [00:01:00] Carissa has you covered. Her approach is both compassionate and detail-oriented, focusing on homes that provide comfort, safety, and room for growth for every member of your family.

The expertise and genuine care of Carissa Beeman, make her the right ally for finding the perfect home for your family.

Carissa, welcome to the show. I'm so excited to have a real estate agent to talk about, like, looking at homes for families with special needs.

Carissa Beaman: I'm so happy to be here. Thanks for having me.

I have a family full of neurodivergent people, and in my past, I didn't even think that maybe there was a realtor out there that could understand all of the difficulties and struggles I was having trying to schedule showings or being able to get my kids and my animals out of the house and having to schedule things differently and people getting angry at me and I'm like, "I don't like to, ah." Right? Get scared and retreat. “I don't like this”. So I just kind of created a new niche in real estate where [00:02:00] I'm gonna be somebody who assists people in the spectrum or a neurodivergence and have the time, patience, and understanding that it takes to help some families find the place or the community that they're looking for.

So that's kind of where I came in and was like, "I can do this for my community and my family." And I'm just happy to share some of the successes that I've had in looking for spaces and communities that are, I guess, more accepting of our differences and, and inclusive of our experiences. So I'm happy to be here and happy to share.

Thanks for having me.

Samantha Foote: Yeah ... I am so excited. So like you said, your family is full of neurodivergent people. Do you wanna say anything else about that or just that you're all neurodivergent?

Carissa Beaman: I mean, we're, we're all neurodivergent. Yeah. So I have a 13-year-old on the spectrum. She's autistic but also twice exceptional. So she is, has no intellectual, uh, disability whatsoever, and struggles in school very much so [00:03:00] because she doesn't struggle intellectually. So her problems are all social emotional and so she misinterprets things, things go awry at school and then things go downhill quickly. So we have had to find an advocate in our area, in our school system to try to figure it out because we weren't getting the, uh, the supports that my child deserved- Because she wasn't struggling in an outward manner, right? She was all internal struggling. So those are things that I had to discover and find on my own how my community could come and support my child in the school system. And it's still an ongoing process, so I still have lots of, of discussion about that as well and, and found an advocate through a local, a local nonprofit called Options and Advocacy of McHenry County. And through my discovery, I then became a member of the board of directors, so now I'm on the board of directors for Options and Advocacy, so I'm very much in the community saying, "Hey, did you know you could have an [00:04:00] advocate for that? Hey, did you know you could have an advocate for that?" 'Cause sometimes we just don't know what we don't know until we know it. And so that non-for-profit is there to be able to help people like me and you navigate the situations that we haven't been through before, right? So that's my 13-year-old.

I then adopted another child that is also in seventh grade, who's 12, and that child is neurodivergent and has strong emotional struggles due to the traumas that they've had in the past. So that's a whole nother route of community, and, uh, I guess you could say experience that I've had through the court systems and stuff like that to help navigate and support the child through all of that, going through the school and housing and, and all that.

My husband and I are both ADHD. So we were late diagnosed, weren't diagnosed until our 40s, but surprise, surprise, that is how we were so in tune to what our kids were going through as well.

So family full of neurodivergents over here. Executive functioning can sometimes [00:05:00] be very low, but we keep each other on track.

Samantha Foote: Yeah. Yeah. I totally relate to that. That's how my family is. Both my husband and I were diagnosed late, like we're in our 30s and we were just diagnosed within the last couple years.

And then all our kids have ADHD and autism, so yeah, executive functioning, like luckily we're all strong in different areas of executive functioning, and we're like weaker in the areas that other people are stronger in. So like we can help each other out, because if we all had the same executive functioning issues, I don't even not wanna know what my house would be like.

Carissa Beaman: I, isn't that so true? Isn't that so true? I, like, look at my daughter's room and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, thank goodness I'm the kind that, like, I am, like, the doer, doer, doer, doer, doer, doer, doer." She's the one that, like, needs somebody to help her do, right? I'm like, "Thank gosh I don't have, I don't have that one. If we both had that one, then oh my goodness, we would both be drowning in stuff right now”.

Samantha Foote: Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Carissa Beaman: So the complimentary [00:06:00] struggles are nice, right?

Samantha Foote: Yeah, yeah, exactly. So-

Carissa Beaman: Always something.

Samantha Foote: that's how me and my husband are. Like, he struggles with the doing. I struggle with money issues, and I just want to, like, spend money when I shouldn't. And so he is there to be like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's, let's pull it back." And then I am there for him to be like, "Okay, let's clean up the house and get things done."

Carissa Beaman: Right?

Samantha Foote: So yes, yes, yes, yes.

Carissa Beaman: Oh my gosh, yeah ... yeah. I am also a spender I can justify any spending.

Samantha Foote: Yeah, for sure. You're like, "But I need that for some weird reason."

I, I’m working on it.

Carissa Beaman: It's all alignment, right?

Samantha Foote: Yeah, yeah.

Carissa Beaman: I mean, it, this is for this because of this, and it all aligns, see?

Samantha Foote: Yeah, yeah. I, I can justify anything, but that is not why we're here today, so.

Carissa Beaman: But that is part of my negotiation, right?

Samantha Foote: Yeah.

Carissa Beaman: Oh. That negotiation with awareness, right?

Samantha Foote: Mm-hmm. Yes. Yeah, exactly.[00:07:00]

I really like what you said about finding an advocate for things that you didn't know that you didn't know. So there are nonprofits I know in many different areas that help with those things. And so, if a parent is looking for that, I would recommend just looking, like, on a Facebook group, just asking your local autism Facebook group, or local... There's Idaho, like, there's one in Idaho that's like Idaho Special Needs Parents, and then Idaho Autism Moms, and I'm sure there's other ones in other states. And so, you can find out that way ...

Carissa Beaman: So what I have found is that it is very important when you're looking in real estate and you're trying to find a realtor that will be more inclusive of your family and find the resources and be more understanding of the differences our families experience, look into the realtor associations that are in your area. They all have different committees. There's rules committees, and laws committees, all that. Well, there's a DEI committee [00:08:00] in, hopefully, every realtor organization. And to be a realtor, you have to be a part of an organization, so all the realtors are a part of all of these organizations.

And the DEI is diversity, equity, and inclusion. So I am actually the chair member of our DEI board for our Heartland Realtor Association here in Crystal Lake, Illinois, and that means that I am part of changing those rules and speaking for the affordability on the houses, and knowing which communities are more inclusive than maybe others, right? So if you look into your heart- your realtor association near where you're living, look for the DEI committee, and that will be a spot that will be a good s- place to start for looking for a realtor that can understand your situations and your, I guess you could say, creative solutions that you're looking for with your family.

Samantha Foote: Yeah, 'cause we definitely have to get creative in our housing options with our families. What would you say to parents [00:09:00] who maybe don't think about different things in a house that could be a creative solution? What would you look for? What have your clients looked for and had to have in their houses?

Carissa Beaman: So I can speak about this forever, actually. But I will, I will just say sensory-friendly spaces. When you walk into a house and you can tell right away, mm- That it's not going to work. It is going to be like the places that are next to a train, the places that, you know, have loud horns next to maybe a, a truck stop or something, right? Like those things, I wouldn't even bring my family in to go look at those houses. I would vet them ahead of time. So when I'm looking at places, I'm gonna say, "Okay, what are the differences that my family is, is really experiencing?" I like to get to know my families and everybody's got different brands of, of neurodivergence, right? So not everybody is sensory f- to lights. Some people are sensory to sounds, right? So we just gotta get to know each other, and then when I'm looking at houses, I will keep those things in mind. [00:10:00] So busy streets to cross, right? We're not going to maybe have a family that has a runaway child that likes to flee and escape all the time next to high-traffic areas. We would be maybe looking towards a little bit more secluded area.

And then walking into a house and seeing that it did not necessarily fit the inside needs that my family was looking for, maybe like less bedrooms than needed or not enough space, those things are changeable. I have the brain to be able to look at something and see what it can be, not what it actually is right now. And some people don't have that that magic ability. I, I tend to be able to look at something and see, “oh my gosh, this is perfect. It's, it's the perfect location”, which is, in real estate, the number one thing that I recommend everybody really consider is you can change the inside of that house. You can change the outside of that house. You can change lots of things about the house. You cannot change the location of the house. So if you are looking for a house, it's always the [00:11:00] right time to buy. Don't worry about any of that other stuff if you find the right location.

Samantha Foote: Yes.

Carissa Beaman: You know? Right, you know, you can build on top, you can build below. You can, you can raise that house up and put more stuff under it. You can do all sorts of stuff inside the house, um, but the location of the house is not, is not changeable. So that would be number one advice in our community or any community would be location, location, location, for sure.

Samantha Foote: Yeah. That is super important.

Samantha Foote: Hey, everyone, Samantha here, and I'm thrilled to invite you to join me for something special, the Parenting Power Hour. This is your chance, parents of neurodivergent kids, to bring your questions directly to me and fellow parents in the room. We're here to help you develop actionable plans that really work so you can finally stop the meltdowns and find peace in your home. As a mom to three kids with ADHD and autism, I've seen and been through the challenges too. So trust me, we'll find solutions together that fit your family. Don't miss out on the [00:12:00] Parenting Power Hour. It's a free online monthly gathering every second Thursday of the month from 12:45 to 1:45 Mountain Standard Time. Visit everybrainisdifferent.com to reserve your spot today.

Samantha Foote: Also, I don't know how you would do this, and maybe you can speak to this, but knowing neighbors around if they are inclusive to neurodivergent kids. Some kids might be yelling, some kids might make stimming noises or whatever, but I have heard of neighbors that are not so great to have.

How would you go about vetting them, I guess?

Carissa Beaman: Yeah, absolutely. I have been known to knock on a door or two, so- Or 12. Um, I like to get to know my neighbors, and not necessarily even where I'm living, right? But if I'm gonna list a house for sale, I am knocking on those doors, and I'm figuring out who those neighbors are, so that I know if I [00:13:00] have a neurodivergent family, right, that I can say, "All right, I would suggest that you speak to these families," right?

And, and, and get to know them, right? 'Cause it is important that you do that. Even if you don't have anything specific that you're looking or not looking for, just knocking on your neighbor's doors if they're potential neighbors, it could be a make it or a break it moment. In real estate, they teach you if you're gonna do an open house, to let five to the left, five to the right, and five across know. Because your neighbors might know somebody that is looking for a house that they want to have somebody come and live next to them, right? Well, it's kind of like the same thing with the neurodivergent community, right? Is it would be so great if you went and you found somebody that is just like you and your family, and you guys could, like, totally bond on certain things or deep dive on certain things and, and you live across the street from each other now.

Even going to those community resources like non-for-profits that are helping with options and advocacy and stuff like that, and see if there's families that you have clicked with that ha- that live in [00:14:00] neighborhoods. And then just make sure that your realtor is keeping an eye on those neighborhoods, 'cause you know that you wanna get into an area that has people that you already know in it.

That would be something that I would suggest is make sure that you have the time to wait. Try not to make speedy decisions if you can, because sometimes if you just give it a little bit more time, you find the perfect spot for you to hive to thrive. That, that hive to thrive, Beeman Partners, that's kind of my thing, right? Your hive to thrive. So you don't have to find something quickly, then that is amazing. If you do have to find something really quickly, it, it's okay, 'cause we can always adjust things and, and be flexible and find solutions. But if the more time you have, the better. To be able to find the community and, and the resources that you're really looking for for that house. 'Cause the house is just... Any house can be a home, really. Any house can be a home. It is the community that [00:15:00] makes it or breaks it. So that is a, a big part of finding a new house, for sure.

Samantha Foote: Yeah, for sure. That's what- We're doing right now is looking for a bigger house. But we are being so patient with, because we have, if we're gonna move, we have very strict, like, things, like where we wanna live, how much acreage we wanna live on. Acreage, oh my gosh, like we can afford that. But you know what I mean, like how big the house is and where, like we want a yard and all of that. But it does take time because there's so many that pop up that I'm like, "Oh, that could work." And I'm like, "But do I really want that? If I'm gonna go to the hassle of moving, do I really want that one?"

And then I liked what you said about telling your neighbors when you're having an open house, because that's exactly how we got my sister-in-law and my brother-in-law living next door to us, was my neighbors were selling their house, and my sister-in-law was [00:16:00] looking for a house. And so my husband was like, "Well, that would be fun if they could live by us." And then it just worked out that way. So yeah, your neighbors can definitely help get someone in that house.

Carissa Beaman: A priceless resource, right? I mean, we're all working together. It does take a community. I have actually lived in Cary my whole life. I mean, besides like a, a six-month stint with a boyfriend in the next town over, right, in my teenage years or whatever, my early 20s. I've lived in Cary my entire life. So McHenry County in Illinois here is my home turf. Community is big, is really big. So if you're in this area and you're looking for something, for me, I like to think I know a lot, but I don't know it all, right? And, and, and every town you're gonna find a realtor that has lived in that town forever. So that's a good spot to start too, is find the realtor that's lived in that town forever. They know everybody. They know [00:17:00] everything that's going on. I just, I can't help but know it. I go to the store and I see people I've gone to kindergarten with.

Samantha Foote: Yeah. That's super important, especially just knowing the area, knowing where things are, 'cause they know who lives there and they know the vibe of the community- for sure.

Carissa Beaman: Yes. Mm-hmm.

Samantha Foote: Well, you have given us so many resources. Are there any others that you wanna mention before we wrap up?

Carissa Beaman: I would just say patience is a virtue when it comes to looking for a house, selling a house. The emotional side of moving is real. It's, it's the biggest thing in my opinion. And in a neurodiverse family, our emotional needs, they get really big and really strong and really fast. So I would just say give yourself grace, give yourself patience, and your family the time that it needs, because things don't have to happen on somebody else's timeline. They can happen on your timeline.

And I wish all of you the best of luck in, in your future endeavors. And if [00:18:00] you need anything, I mean, feel free to reach out. BeemanPartners.com is always there for you. If you have a question, I don't have to be in your state to be able to answer a question, so I'd love to, to connect with anybody at any point in time, and I, I appreciate you having me on the show and I look forward to the next time we get to speak.

Samantha Foote: Yeah, for sure.

You just answered, like, the last three of my questions, so that was awesome. Um, but our last question is: what do you do for fun?

Carissa Beaman: Oh, my goodness. For fun, I, I connect with people. I mean, I am a connector. I am a social butterfly. So I am the managing director of Polka Dot Powerhouse Chapter, which is a women's professional and personal development social club, I like to say. So I get together with women and hang out and celebrate each other and just have a good time.

And then I like to go on little mini trips with my family. There's a place called Great Wolf Lodge. I don't know if I plug that in there. It's so fun. I wait till they're 50% off coupons, go have a night up there, and that's what we do for fun. Indoor swimming in a [00:19:00] hotel.

Samantha Foote: Yeah. That's awesome. So I've heard great things about Great Wolf Lodge, and I am in Polka Dot, and I love that. I love-

Carissa Beaman: Absolutely ...

Samantha Foote: that group. So that's how we met, full disclosure to the audience.

Lauren Ross: Full disclosure.

Samantha Foote: But-

Lauren Ross: We love Polka Dot.

Samantha Foote: I love Polka Dot. But yeah. Well, thank you so much for coming on the show.

We really appreciate your time and all the resources that you shared. You definitely shared things that I've never thought about, so I hope it's been helpful to our listeners, too. So thank you.

Lauren Ross: Thank you so much. I hope you have a great day.

Samantha Foote: Thank you. Okay, Lauren, what were the highlights? Um- I liked her saying that she, location, location, location.

But yeah, what were the highlights for you?

Lauren Ross: Location is so key. I think, I just really appreciate what she does. That is, like, a, a niche. Um, but it is something, like- You know, these are really important to a family, especially if you are having special needs, neurodivergent, et cetera. I'm already, like, thinking, like, my parents' house right now [00:20:00] would not be good for someone with, like, noise sensory issues because the open layout of it, like, it is so noisy. Like, you cannot be in the living room watching TV and there's, like, cooking going on in the kitchen because it's all open space. And so those are, like, things that you really, like, want someone to be thinking about, like, when you are looking for a home. And so I appreciate that she's asking the questions and really vetting houses with the neighbor- neighborhoods and neighbors, and I think that's really cool.

And then I love that we've said this so many times, like, we don't know what we don't know. And so the, there is help out there. There is resources out there. It's, it's just really, like, finding it, and so I thought she had really good, that look for these things in realtors, look, look at the organizations. Like, all of that stuff I think is, is really great advice, and just know that there is someone out there, an advocate that, like, wants to help you and your family. So I, I love it.

Samantha Foote: [00:21:00] Yeah. I thought it was really awesome that she mentioned looking into the organizations, 'cause I did not know-

Lauren Ross: I had no idea ...

Samantha Foote: I didn't know. Well, actually, when she said it, I was like, "Oh yeah, that's a thing" because somebody else mentioned to look into organizations that the realtors are in, but that was years and years ago when I was looking for a house, and I just totally forgot about it. But I did not know that they had the inclusion- the DEI committee or organization, whatever. That's super cool, and definitely if you are a neurodivergent family looking for a home, I would want someone from, who was part of that organization to help because they'll know the things that she knows because-

Lauren Ross: Exactly ...

Samantha Foote: obviously she can't help you if you live in Idaho or Oregon or any other state beside Illinois.

Well, maybe she can. I don't know. She's like- dual licensed or whatever, but she can't help everyone. So [00:22:00] look in, look into that and see who's in your area, or just ask. Like I, I would go to Idaho Autism Mom's group on Facebook and say, "What's a realtor that you worked with that really knew about the neurodivergent needs?" Yeah.

Lauren Ross: Yeah. Somebody out there knows somebody that knows something.

Samantha Foote: Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Lauren Ross: But you just gotta ask.

Samantha Foote: Yep. But I thought she had great suggestions, so I really appreciate her. And yeah. Well, if anyone has any questions, reach out to Carissa, or you can reach out to us and we can get the message to her. And thank you all for listening this week.

Lauren Ross: Yes, thank you.

Thank you for listening to today's episode. We hope this discussion on neurodiversity has provided you with support, understanding and inspiration. If you're looking for more support, Or you can go to everybrainisdifferent.com and download the ultimate guide to parenting your neurodivergent child.