82 - Supportive Strategies: Body Doubling in ADHD Management with Tyler Mitchell

Website: tylermitchell.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tylercmitchell/

Threads: https://www.threads.net/@therealtylermitchell

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@therealtylermitchell

Connect with Samantha Foote!

Website: www.everybrainisdifferent.com

Email: [email protected]

TRANSCRIPT

 Welcome to the EveryBrain is Different podcast. We're here with Tyler Mitchell. Tyler is a strategy consultant and ADHD advocate known for his unique ability to create clarity from chaos. As a father of five with at least three children who are neurodivergent, Tyler draws from both personal and professional experiences to guide individuals and teams through complex challenges.

His approach transforms overwhelming situations into clear, actionable steps. Dedicated to fostering inclusive environments where neurodiversity is celebrated, Tyler empowers others to thrive at work and at home. Welcome to the podcast, Tyler. We're so excited to have you. Thanks. Happy to be here. And can you fill in the gaps a little bit?

Like, how are you involved in the neurodivergent community? Sure. So I'm ADHD myself. Diagnosed late in life. I was actually in my 40s when I was diagnosed and I, as I mentioned in my bio, my oldest child is ADHD and on the autism spectrum. And we haven't had a couple of our other kids tested, but we're, we're pretty sure they're on their ADHD as well.

So that's, yeah. How I'm involved, just me personally and my family. Awesome. And when people are diagnosed with ADHD, we like to ask them, what led you to getting a diagnosis? So, it's interesting because we homeschool our kids. We have five children and as Our son, who is our oldest, was getting older and having trouble with some of his schoolwork and things like that.

My wife would bring up, hey, he's struggling with this, he's struggling with that. And I just kept saying, ah, I was just like that as a kid. That's perfectly normal. Don't worry about it. He'll be fine. And as we kept going along, my wife was listening to a a book about child development and just how to help kids be the best they can be.

And since she was listening to it, it finished the part she was concerned about and she was doing something else and a part about special needs children came up and she, since she was busy, she's all, I, I'm not really concerned about this, but I'll let it keep playing because I, I I don't. Care to stop what I'm doing and when she was listening she heard them start referencing pacing hand flapping, other things that were very, very typical of our son.

And so she paused and, and listened a little more. And after she listened to that session, she started looking up more about that. And she came to me, I think there's a little more to this than, than we realized. And she told me what she'd heard in the book and some of the things that she had researched. I was like, Oh, okay.

I guess we, maybe we should look at this. I have a brother that's an occupational therapist, works with autistic kids and the whole neurodivergent world, works for a local school system. So I called him up. I was like, Hey, here's what my wife's seeing. What do you think? And it was really interesting because he got quiet and he's, I've actually thought your son was on the spectrum for quite a while.

And I was like, why haven't you said this before? Cause he's a teenager at this point and he's, I've seen families torn apart by this news and I didn't want that to get. in the way of our relationship. And I was like, well, please don't hold back. I'm just worried about making sure we get the best that we can for our son.

Where do we start? And so we went on to get him scheduled for diagnosis. And unfortunately, the area that we lived, it was a three year waiting period for him to get diagnosed. Let's see, he's gonna be an adult. That's a bit extreme right there. So we put him on the waiting list. In the meantime, I had changed jobs.

I had a very physically demanding job working in a hospital. And I ended up having more of a desk job. And moved my family to Atlanta. And between the move, the changed jobs, everything, I personally started struggling a lot. I'd be given assignments, I'd be overwhelmed, and I'd just find myself watching YouTube videos not on the topic that I was supposed to be, just more trying to pass the time, trying to uh, distract myself from the stress of what was going on.

So, in the meantime, our son is still struggling. The things on his side and the dust had kind of settled from us moving. So I was like, Oh, we live in an area that has a lot more resources. How about we look about him getting an assessment here? And so as I was researching for him to get his assessment, I started researching some more resources.

And as I was researching more and more, I realized that. A lot of the stuff sounded like me as well. And I was like, maybe I should look at into getting an assessment as well. And so, uh, I didn't get, uh, an autism assessment. I probably should have. Um, I was just more focused on the ADHD side. So I went and had an ADHD assessment around the same time that my son had his assessment for autism and ADHD.

And mine came back as. Uh, combined type and attentive and hyperactive. And it was just crazy because. A whole new world opened up and while I was researching and getting my things scheduled, I reached out to a couple of old coworkers that I've worked with two different places. They don't know each other.

So separate conversations, I was like, Hey, I've been researching by ADHD. How did you go about getting assessed? How do you get care? Cause I, I knew their ADHD and that individually, they both said to me. You're just not figuring out that you're ADHD? What do you mean? They're like, I've known for years that you are.

I thought you knew. What are you talking about? I'm, I'm not hyper. I can focus on things. I've got systems for all the things I do. I'm organized. No, you just have systems in place to compensate. And, oh. Okay, so getting my diagnosis, researching more, just so much of my life started making sense and it was really nice because since my son and I were going through the journey at the same time, he didn't have the decades of like fighting against his brain like I had.

So I was able to go and hey, I've been trying to do this for years. How about we try this? This will probably be more helpful for you and be able to kind of help him along his journey with that. But I got assessed because of my son and just realizing that all those little quirks and. Ways that he was, that my wife was complaining about, but weren't everyday normal things just because I, I had had them.

And that's kind of that beginning path that we had. Yeah, and that story sounds so familiar to so many people that I know, like their kid starts getting assessed and they're like, Oh, I I'm like that. And so, it's really funny because I got diagnosed with OCD about 10 years ago. And all growing up, my mom was like, no, you're fine.

That's how everyone is. Everyone's like that. So, you're fine. And I'm like, I don't think this is like typical of what people experience. So, my mom has never been assessed, but I'm just saying. She might have OCD. And then it's really funny about your coworkers because neurodivergent people are great at spotting other neurodivergent people.

And we just assume that, and then when people are like, Oh yeah, I have ADHD. We're like, well, yeah. And then also with your brother, this occupational therapist, I. I am also like that. I am very hesitant to tell people, I think your child might be neurodivergent because you never know how people are going to take it.

It can rip families apart. Like, how dare you say that about my kid? You don't know, you don't know what you're talking about. I actually had that happen with someone that I was like, Hey, you might want to get your kid assessed and you don't know what you're talking about. So I was like, okay, I'm not going to say that to anybody else ever again.

And then the kid did get diagnosed. This was not good, but I was like, that is shocking. And I was so sarcastic, but anyway, it was just very validating. That was a very validating moment for me and I did not handle it well and I should handle it differently next time. But yes, so everything you're saying, just, I can relate to so much.

Uh, thank you for sharing your story and can you tell us some, some of your coping mechanisms that you use? I know we've talked about body doubling and maybe some other things that you can share. Sure. It was interesting as I was reading about the different things that are very common for people with ADHD.

It's been a journey to figure out how to work with it and The last I was diagnosed three years ago, uh, this week, actually, and as I've been realizing different triggers that I have things that stress me out that I didn't realize were stressing me out, uh, I've been going through a period of, uh, what I've heard people term is unmasking and just realizing how much of my life.

Um, I was just putting this mask on of being okay, behaving the way I'm supposed to, and it was stressing me out, but I didn't realize it because I'd had this cool, calm, collective look about me, as that's how my entire family is. The way I, uh, I was raised, we're just, you respond to stressful situations calmly.

And so I didn't realize how much anxiety was going on in my life. And so I, I try to become more aware of what my triggers are. Found out that I'm very sensitive to external stimuli, so bright lights, loud noise, strong smells, which is really interesting to kind of navigate that part because we have five children, we homeschool, I work from home, so it's constant chaos.

And trying to navigate how can I tone it down a little bit without making my kids afraid of Making noise around me, I want them to be okay, being rambunctious and running around and doing things and not be like, Oh, dad's in the room. We've got to tone it down. So trying to navigate that, I, I use noise cancelling headphones quite a bit.

My office is right off our kitchen and living room. So there's lots of loud noises that can be going on. So I'll use noise cancelling headphones or. I'll also just use earplugs. So that way it kind of dampens that a little bit. Um, I've explained to the kids, see me put earplugs in. It's not, so I, I don't hear you at all.

It's just so we can bring the decibels down a little bit. Uh, cause I realized that there was a lot of times we'd be sitting at dinner and the kids would get excited about stories and different things about their day. And they would just get louder and louder. Didn't realize at the time, but I'd get up and leave and I was done and recognizing that I was overwhelmed.

There's too much going on. And, um, I was just removing myself from the situation, uh, to kind of calm down. Once I realized that was one of those things, let's, let's start putting in the earplugs a little bit and explain to the family, Hey. This isn't so I'm not part of the conversation. So I don't leave the conversation.

Um, that's, that's something that's been really helpful for me is, uh, recognizing those triggers and, uh, kind of reducing that stress. Uh, you mentioned body doubling and that was a really interesting one for me to find because, uh, when I started working from home. I was able to control my environment a lot more and I wasn't in the hustle bustle of a hospital, all this coming and going and other people that I was working with.

So when I had to go into our office for the first time. It had been a few years and people walking around, hearing conversations, I had to leave after an hour or two because there's just too much going on, catching my attention and I couldn't focus. And so I just started telling management, I really just, I have to work from home.

When I read about body doubling and realized the times I'd used it. In my life, it felt kind of

counterintuitive considering that other people can overstimulate me and be distracting, but at the same time having another person can help me focus. So as I learned about it a little more, um, it's basically you either have another person Either physically or virtually there. And, uh, they're not a nanny watching over you, making sure that you're, he's doing what you're supposed to be doing.

It's they're just a presence and there's something about it that, uh, you can focus on your work. So, uh, the first time, the most impactful time that I, I saw it at play was actually with somebody else. I was on a project with work and we had a guy. That's super smart, great at what he does, but he could not hit a deadline to save his life.

And I was like, dude, come on, we really needed this? You said you'd have it at this time? Where are you? And I was chatting with him one day and he mentioned in passing ADHD. And I was like, okay, hold on, pause on that for a second. I was like, are you saying you're ADHD because you're just distracted at the moment, because people use that more as a just, hey, I'm distracted term, or are you actually ADHD?

He's all, I, I am diagnosed, take medicine, the whole bit. I was like, cool. I'm really glad you told me this. We're going to change how we, how we do a few things. And so I. Set up a working session with him when he had a deadline that was coming up. And I told him, I don't know your stuff, but you deal with things that I have no idea about.

I was about, I also have things that I need to work on. So what I would like you to do is just share your screen and just work. You can put in your headphones, jam out to your own music, whatever you usually do. But, and if you have a question, if you need a brainstorm, I'm here. I'm going to have my headphones in, I'm going to be doing my own thing as well, but just holler if you need anything and he got everything done all the things that we've been waiting for him to get done for a while, he got it done and that was one of the biggest like in your face body doubling experiences I had as I was able to see it.

With somebody else. So, since then, there's been times that if I'm just feeling distracted, and it's a nice Friday afternoon, the sun's shining, and I really cannot focus on this thing that I have to do, and I can tell I'm I'm struggling. I'll look on teams for work and I'll see who's like showing up as green, little green bubble.

And I'll reach out and say, Hey, you have a few minutes that you can help me out on something. And I'll get on a call with them. And just a lot of times they're not even on the same project I'm on. I'll be like, I'm just struggling with my focus. I was like, if you're okay with it, I'm just gonna share my screen.

We can chat a little bit, but, um, I'm just going to kind of work on my thing. I just need somebody else around. And so I've been able to use that to help myself get things done. I've enjoyed doing that as well because I, I'm trying to normalize the conversation and doing that with people who may not be familiar with it.

I'm hoping it'll help them be comfortable and, and recognize it. So. A little bit of body doubling, a little bit of my coping things that have helped. I'm going to pause cause I've been talking a lot and I can keep going. So I'm going to pause for a second. Yeah, no, those are awesome. I love that you are.

Having your co workers help you with the body doubling and normalizing the conversation about ADHD and hey, I need this help. And it's really easy, like they don't even have to do anything, they just have to be there and work on their own stuff and allow you to, it feels more like You have more accountability.

I feel like when I go to coworking sessions, I'm like, Oh, we're all working on this right now. So this is my time to work on it. And I feel like I have a bigger purpose than just, Oh, I feel like we're, I don't feel like working on this right now, but I have to do it. So I'm going to force myself to do it.

If I go to a coworking session, then I'm like, everybody's working on something. This is dedicated time for this. So. And I love, love, love that you are normalizing the conversation. So thank you. Are there any other resources that you have for parents raising kids with ADHD, like that you have or that you recommend?

I know you have a book coming out. So Interestingly, I'm really, really active on threads. A lot of people haven't heard of it's basically Facebook's version of Twitter. I started posting about my journey with ADHD beginning, beginning of this year. And so if it's okay, I'll probably go on a little tangent about that for a second.

Cause it, it'll all feed into that. So beginning of this year, I started posting on LinkedIn. So that's another source. And I was just posting just to post. Personal branding, trying to have a name. I was posting about it consulting and I happened to do a post about ADHD. And so my experiences with it, and I wasn't trying to make a statement.

It was just a, okay, here's another, here's a post. And then I did a few more posts about T consulting leadership things. And then I did another post about imposter syndrome and how it tied in with. ADHD and how that affected me and how I was able to kind of not overcome it, but not let it be so debilitating.

And after that post, I started having people reaching out to me at work, privately, that were saying, please keep writing. There are people my age, a little older, That were saying, I'm pretty sure I have a DHD. Things you're talking about just resonate so much and I've never felt okay talking about it and I feel seen and heard with your posts, so please continue.

And I was like. Okay. I, I'm an open book. So I, I have no problem doing this and, and I'm ADHD at go full in on things. So I started posting a lot more on LinkedIn about it, figured vertical video was, it was getting pop popular on there. So I was like, I'll, I'll do a couple of videos with it now. Well, since I made this video for LinkedIn, why not post it on TikTok and Instagram?

And I just kind of started spreading with posting videos and other content. And so I started posting on threads just as another platform, just, you know, I I'd kind of post and ghost, I'd throw a post out there and go on. But then I started seeing some traction on some of my posts there. And so I started Paying a little more attention.

And there's a lot of people in the neurodivergent world on threads. It just seems to be the safe haven. So I've posted a lot about my family experiences, my own experiences. So a lot of the stories that I've posted about, I posted on threads and the community on there is really, really strong and very, very supportive.

So I had a little story about my 16 year old daughter. That is actually why you guys had reached out to me. I posted a video about it, but my 16 year old daughter had her guy friend that she talks to a lot, but isn't her boyfriend, whatever. They talk a lot. Um, He's not diagnosed as ADHD, but he definitely is and he was getting really behind in his schoolwork and My daughter knew how stressful it was for him.

And so she said that she Went back through my videos And there was one about body doubling. And so she called him up and said, Hey, how about this? How about we just be on the phone while you do your, your schoolwork? And she didn't even tell them what she was doing or why she was doing it. And he started getting all this stuff done, started making a lot of headway.

And so she was telling me the story and I was like, wow, that's really neat that you did that. What made you think to do that? And she said, dad. I'm your biggest fan, and I knew you talked about this before, so I just went back, found your video, and, so I got goosebumps, I'm like, tearing up, I'm like, my 16 year old daughter just told me that she's my biggest fan, and then, not only that, but, something I've talked a lot about, she was able to go and help her friend with, so, so I posted about that on threads, it went, So Crazy, I've never had anything go that big and a lot of conversations around it.

So I posted on tick tock that went really big. And so as far as resources go, my social media threads, LinkedIn, tick tock. I actually did a presentation for work about ADHD a few weeks ago. And I had my socials up on this as part of the presentation. And, uh, I wanted to point out to them that. I've only been posting about this since April, and I already have over 10, 000 TikTok followers.

I'm like 4, 500 on threads, growing on, on LinkedIn. And the reason why I was pointing that out to them is the reason why my message is resonating with people is because it's not being talked about enough. And because I'm able to share my story and. Make it relatable with my kids, being able to teach it, show their friends, help their friends out as well.

I was like, we're not alone. This isn't a one off. There are a lot of people who are going through this, but we are just told for years, just sit there, be quiet, don't complain, just grind through it. And at least once a week, I have generally males reaching out to me my age or older. That just say, my life has been changed reading your content, because I've just been fighting my whole life to be what I'm supposed to be, and realizing reading your story, there's so much more to it.

And so that's the big thing that I'm trying to do is make it comfortable for people to talk about, especially men, because we're not allowed to have feelings. We're not allowed to show emotion and to say we're struggling. So I'm trying to normalize that, trying to have people comfortable with. Uh, talking about it at work.

Reason I post on LinkedIn about it so much as I, I want employers to see neurodivergent employees can be just as productive or even more so. If you let us adapt our environments the way it needs to be, don't force us into a big work hoopla with loud music and whatever that's going to have us in the corner crying, let us be productive.

Let us do our own thing and we'll be fine. So. Going back to the, the social media, I, I've found that helping people understand interacting with their kids and helping their kids recognize their own behaviors, their own patterns is really helpful for the community. So I'm trying to post more about parenting because.

I had a great upbringing. My parents are very, very loving and supportive, but they didn't understand what was going on. And so the way my wife and I approach things are very, very different than how they did. So we do a lot more of, Hey, you're really distracted right now. How about we talk about that? Do we need to change something in your environment?

Do we need to change the way we're approaching this? Let's talk about it instead of sit down and do your work. Yeah, that's, I love it. I love that you are normalizing the conversation once again, and especially for men. That is one of my husband's biggest complaints is that men are not allowed to have feelings.

They're not allowed to say they're struggling and it is taking a toll on men, like just in their mental health. And then. All of that. And so I love that you are like talking to them and being like, Hey, this is okay to have this. Here's some strategies that you can use to help yourself and let's talk about it.

I was raised, I love my parents. I'm not saying anything bad about them. I was raised where you kind of keep your. Your issues to yourself and you present as calm and collected and all of that. And my parents do not understand why I talk about my experiences because they are very private people and I am an open book and so I love that we are.

Allowing others to talk about their experiences and I've seen you on threads. I've seen you on TikTok that someone actually sent me your video on TikTok and they're like, this, this guy needs to be on your podcast. You need to talk to him. And so I was like, yes, yes. This is so amazing. So I just love all the advocacy work that you're doing and all of that.

It's just. Amazing. So thank you. Thank you. And I have truly appreciated you being on this podcast and taking your time. And our last question is, what do you do for fun? Oh, now I, it's post content about ADHD. My school family keeps hearing, like, my office is transformed into this. media creation thing. And my poor family has to listen to me all the time about, Hey, I got this many views and these many comments.

And, uh, so that, that's my, the big thing I do for fun now. But, um, when I'm not doing that, uh, really like going backpacking with my family. Since I don't do great in lots of big group stuff, I usually try to take one of my kids out, out to the mountains for just. An overnighter, we'll, we'll hike our stuff in and go play in waterfalls or whatever.

That's a big thing that I like doing when, when we have time. And, and I just love working with people, helping teaching. And I do some work with local high school kids. I teach a Bible study before school four days a week. Teach that with my wife. Love working with youth. They, they keep Things interesting, always keep you on your toes and never know what's going to happen.

So. Yeah. Those are the big things that I do for fun. That's awesome. Yeah. I used to work with the youth in my, in my church and they, they definitely keep you on your toes. One time I said, I was like, I don't think it's worth it to have a boyfriend or girlfriend in high school. Just live your life and don't worry about having a exclusive relationships.

And this girl was like, you realize every single one of us has a boyfriend. And I was like, I stand by what I said. But yeah, they definitely keep you on your toes. Like I did not know that they all had boyfriends when I said that, but I still stood by what I said. So yes, it's really funny, but well, thank you so much.

We truly appreciate your time and all the information you shared with us. I love it. Thank you. Thank you so much. It was a pleasure.

Well, his story was so relatable to my life and everything that he was saying. I was like, yes. And to people who their kids are getting diagnosed and they're like, Oh, Oh, I might be diagnosed. Like I might have this. And so that's like people that are diagnosed later in life. That's what I hear from everyone is, Oh yeah, my kids were going through it.

And so I decided that maybe I should get assessed. Yeah. I think we've had a few on the podcast. That's how they're like, we're getting my kid and then I realized the kid is me. Yeah. Yeah. But what other highlights were there for you? What did you like? Um, so many, uh, I think, and this is a tricky thing because I've been in like, do I say something is like when you, when you know, and.

Especially like when we work in this industry and no, it's okay. I see my friend as a child and I'm pretty sure he's on the front row. Do I see something? Do I not? Is it my place? How are they going to respond? And not even just like with neurodivergency, but one of my kids, she was like telling me about her child and I'm like, he's depressed.

He's depressed. He's depressed. I'm depressed. Like I've seen all the sides and it's do I say that because it's like I know their personalities and stuff like that. Oh, it's I could say that and offer like guidance and help, but also I don't want to overstep my bounds. And so I think that's really, that's really tricky conversation.

And I'm, I'm. Uh, I think, I don't know how to, I don't know what we can tell people to like, how to approach that because it is, you have to know your family or your friend and how you think they'll respond and then you might think how they respond and they might respond really badly. And so I think, I think we've had that.

Even Teju, his brother is like, do I tell you or not tell you? And so I think that's an interesting conversation. Yeah, it's really hard. Oh, sorry. No, you're it's really hard when you're telling people though that I, like we said before, neurodivergence tends to run in families. And so if my mom, she was like, Oh, you're normal.

That's how I am. So that's how everyone is, because that's her lived experience, where if you're telling someone, then that must mean that they also have that, and so you're like, you're not trying to diagnose them, you're just trying to get their kid the help they need, but then it might feel to them, well, that's how I am, so obviously that's normal, because I'm not abnormal, I'm not, not typical.

Like, that's your reality, you don't know your reality, so, like, you think that's normal. You know, your kids doing the same thing like again, you're still living in your reality. Yes. So yeah, it can be hard. I, I've never really heard that the body doubling is new to me or, but apparently I have been doing it a lot at my work, I think.

And I don't, I don't think either of us. And. And my coworker with ADHD, like realized like what we were doing, but there's times where we're like, we need to like, cause we all have our own offices. We need to go in the conference room. We're just, we're gonna, we're gonna work in the conference rooms today and there'll be like two or three of us and we're like productive.

We're getting stuff done. We're having little chit chats here and there, but it's not like a party and super distracting. And so I didn't really get, we were essentially embodied. Um, and so that was fun for me to kind of learn that we had been doing that not necessarily knowing it. Um, but I love what he's doing to get the word out, especially in the workplace and with men.

I, so I instantly, um, I can be judgy. So when he started, I have this many followers and I'm like. Anytime an influence or anything, but I have this many followers look like, I don't care, but I like that. He said, I brought it up because it shows that there are this many people who are experiencing the same things.

And I think in these cases, when you look at it like that, it's just a reminder that there are so, so many people and they need to hear about it to talk about it. And. As much as I think social media is damaging for other things, I think for this area, it's actually been really beneficial for people to be talking about and experiencing it, and it's led to, Oh, I'm missing one, I didn't know, but I thought it was normal, and I think that's been helpful.

Last night I saw a post that hit me so hard, I was like, Oh my gosh, yeah, I understand there are people and it's we know, but we don't quantify it, I guess. And so I think, I think what he's doing on social media and all of that and getting the word out and advocating, especially for MET and in the workplace is amazing.

And I'm excited to, to see. More of it, I guess. Yeah, yeah. I think especially what he's doing for men, because like I said before, men are often taught don't feel, don't show your feelings, just be the strong, the silent type or whatever, and don't say that you need help because that means that you're not manly.

And we just need to break down that, that myth because you can show your feelings, you can go to counseling, you can get help. It's okay. You're still a man. Right. I think, and I think too, for me, my personal life, so my boyfriend has ADHD and he's very, Emotional that I, and I appreciate that and there are some times that I have to catch myself because he is, he's expressing his emotions, his frustration, his sadness, weakness, whatever it might be.

And there's sometimes I have to catch myself to be like, you're mad, get over it. And it's no, he's allowed to have those feelings. He's allowed to express them. And so I love. I love that he's, he's doing that for men because it is, it is important and yeah, for sure. So thank you everyone for listening this week.

Let us know what you thought. Let us know if there's any other topics that you want to hear about and if Tyler comes back on the show, what do you want him to talk about? What different things do you want to hear from him? So let us know and have a good week.