73 - Zorina Pritchett and Fostering Independence in Your Child 12/15/24

In this episode of the Every Brain is Different podcast, hosts Samantha and Lauren welcome Zorina Pritchett, a disabled army veteran, and retired civil servant who ventured into game creation to support neurodivergent children.

Connect with Samantha Foote!

Website: www.everybrainisdifferent.com

Email: [email protected]

TRANSCRIPT

 Welcome to the Every Brain is Different podcast. We are here with Zarina Prashay. She is a disabled army veteran and retired civil servant. She launched her business in 2023 to create quick play card games for children. Inspired by her challenges with focus as a child and her caregiving role for her brain damaged brother, Zarina's mission is to design inclusive games that foster social connection.

Her flagship game, Zomatic Shift, helped her stay focused and socially engaged. And now she aims to provide today's busy parents with non digital entertainment that brings families together. Welcome to the show Zarina. We're so excited to have you on. Thank you for having me. It's such a pleasure. So can you tell us a little bit more about how you're involved in the neurodivergent community?

Well, actually, I think I'm going to be a newbie to be honest, um, because I feel like with my own struggles with being focused. I've always was afraid that people will find me out because. They have a tendency to tell me, Oh, you know, we're going to change your mindset. You're thinking, I was just told that today at a business meeting.

And so, um, with my brother and the fear that I, um, realized that My ability to stay focused. I'm fighting it. And so to be honest, uh, coming across your podcast and when I looked it up, I was like, Oh my God, there's a community out there that are probably filled with people like me. And I'm 60 plus. That I've been struggling all my life trying to figure it out.

And so what really made me, uh, motivated to get involved is when I demonstrated my game to, uh, special needs children that had autism and they were at various, uh, levels of the spectrum. And to see them connect and have fun, knowing that when I was a child, I couldn't play games because I just couldn't stay focused.

I just could not stay focused. I just couldn't stay focused. And to know that I have ability as a game creator to really be inclusive and think about my struggles and pair with experts and try to find more inclusive games, create more inclusive games that they can play and not be absent of the fun that I didn't have as a child.

So that is how I want to come and meet my community and find understanding of why I struggle in a lot of areas of my life. Yes, I love that because so many times kids with special needs, you know, neurodivergent kids, they want to play games, but they can't play it in a neurotypical way. And so I love that you've made a way for them to play games in a way that works for them.

Um, can you tell us a little bit more about the game and how it works? Well, this one particular one that I tried with the special needs is called pass and play. Okay. Okay. is for kids four and under and why I developed that one it was a little girl had problems with my flagship game and so I wanted to have a game that all kids can have that twisting and matching is in suspense because I really am committed to To putting down the screens and having that social engagement that I feel helps us to thrive.

And so when I developed the game, I noticed that with the demonstration with the special needs kids, although it is a quick play game, but it is also a flexible game that parents can have like That the special needs kids can play with their cousins and family members. What you do is you slow the game down and allow them to process the information.

And what I mean by that is because the colors are matching, and you're shifting of your hand. So one of the great things about it is that it helps with the cognitive flexibility that if you get a red card, they hold a red card up and they're looking at their hand and their brains is processing and to see the joy that I have that red card.

They get so excited. And then when you have the shifting part that requires them to work as a team. And I think that by playing that game. It also with their, their family members, it teaches them this sense of belonging because a lot of times I feel like from what I've watched when parents who have not all parents so let me make that clear, but I have a tendency when people are What they perceive different.

They almost feel like they put us in this box and this kid glove and they don't really see us as being just different. We're the same but we're just slightly different in the way we do things. Maybe slightly different and we're not asking you to join the out of the ordinary other than like with the game You may have to just slow it down So they can process it and also have an opportunity to be engaged and that's what pass and play do It's a simple chance style game that family members can play With our special needs or different other groups to make them feel like they can have fun without always giving instructions and hiding them.

Let them laugh because I tell you, and I'm a little going off a little bit. There is nothing beautiful. When you hear the laughter of children, they all sound the like when they are happy. And I always say this happiness. Is a moment. No, I said laughter is a moment of happiness at that moment when you can have that child laugh and you're laughing with them, you are capturing their moment of happiness.

And that's what I want with the parents in play because of the simplicity, but it does give them matching for color recognition and moving around so they can test their flexibility, move with those who may have some fine motor skills, they get to implement those and just have that touch of suspense.

wondering which one of them are going to have that special card to be the winner of the game. I love it. I love what you said about you're the same, but different. And how can people better support kids and adults. Who are the same, but they just, you know, like neurotypical neurodivergent, it's just different ways of thinking.

So how can people support neurodivergent thinkers? Honestly, I think that when we get to a place of non judgment, because a lot of times when we meet one another and we have issues. And when you get to a place of accountability, and you have that disorder, and you're comfortable with it, and you're able to share that, it's up to the recipient to have that non judgment and to allow you to move authentically.

And if there's issues or anything that they question, we hope that they also can feel a sense of authenticity and in a kind way. Ask you, what can I do to help us to communicate better? What can I do to help you to navigate better in this space? Because I truly believe it's a partnership. And I say that because when I express myself, like, for example, I, I stopped going to church because I couldn't figure out why the music was just really driving me crazy.

It's like, I was just hearing these. Sound that was going like, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. And then I would get anxious. And then I started getting panicky. Like I couldn't breathe. It was like too much for me. And so I've had people say, Oh, well sit in the back of the church or do this. And I felt like you got hearing me.

It has nothing to do with that. There's something going on with my body on my brain where I just can't stand at this time, a lot of noise. And everything. And so I, I really go back to the fact that we can help each other with the non judgment and look at the unique humanity that we have our uniqueness and meet each other where we are informed that partnership that you're okay.

I'm okay, whatever I can do to support you, give them that same give us that safe space that we can communicate on me and not judge each other. Try to figure it out without our participation. That's what comes to mind as I think about myself and how foreign it has been in navigating and trying to communicate what I need.

Yes, that is so important. The non judgment and just, you know, understanding that everyone's different. Every brain is different. Like we say on this show and that other people can communicate differently than you and that's okay. It's not bad. It's not good. It's just different. You know, it's not either one.

Um, so thank you. Yes, non judgment. Let's all remember that. Um, do you have any other resources that you offer parents or what resources would you recommend to parents? Actually, I'm going to be honest. I really do not have any, uh, resources, but I think that there are a lot, we know there's a lot of professional health out there, and I'm quite sure there are a lot of groups out there.

But when I come to mind the biggest resource, honestly, I feel parents are the biggest resource. I know this sounds crazy, but you are the biggest resource. And I say that because it makes me think of my brother when he had the gray stroke. He could not speak. He could not comprehend. Now you couple that with me having my issues of trying to process the information.

And I have a little touch of the OCD too. And so I just had to go within myself and say, you know what, I know how that feels when people don't understand me. So I'm going to meet him where he is. And reason why I say we are the resources because we know that we want our child or adults to survive. Not survive.

I meant to say thrive. And there's a big difference between surviving and thriving. And so when I thought about my brother in that situation, how I really wanted him to thrive, then I had to communicate with him, like, ask him what he wanted when he was trying to articulate. What he wanted, I had to be patient and listen very attentively and believe it or not, when by listening very attentively, it was helping me because remember, I have issues of being all over the place.

I can't explain. I'm all over the place, but it helping him. It forced me to connect with him and focus my attention on him. And so I realized that, yes, we have experts, they can give us something to put in our toolbox, but I realized the biggest resource that we really have, other than the non judgment, is the kindness, the patience, and also wanting them to thrive.

And the way you can find out if they're thriving, again, is to allow them to articulate their needs, especially if it's possible. Now, we know there may be situations where they cannot, and we can go out and, um, seek professional help. But I think the reason why my brother thrived is because I allowed him to have that space to heal.

I did creativity with him, especially with this piece, like really letting him hear his voice, you know, his voice was very choppy. But what I did there, I wanted him to have the confidence to let him know you have a voice. It's not the same like you had before. But you still have a voice and I'm still I have the patience to give you the time to communicate with me when he couldn't connect the dot same thing.

I waited very patiently and the reason how that came to be was it was difficult for me to find professionals. It happened during Colbert, and I just had to think about how I would feel it's I'm trying to speak, or in somebody's rushing me. All it does. It makes that person feel worse than what they already feel if they're suffering with some level of doubt about their existence, or just doubt about their illness.

Am I worthy to be in this space? And I think that we can create that moment of synergy and allow them to feel that confidence. Yes. We all below be all belong in this space and I'm going to have the patience to work with you at your pace. It's a beautiful thing when they begin to thrive and you see changes and you notice that change came about because you gave the patients with the non judgment and the kindness to allow them to thrive in their own way.

Oh, amen. So good. Yes. Be patient. Be kind. Non judgment. Just allow them to be themselves because I know growing up as someone with AD, who had, who has ADHD, I always felt like I never belonged. People didn't like me. I was too much like overdramatic, too emotional, too talkative to everything, you know? And so if you can just accept the people the way they are and not comment on, Hey, you seem like way too emotional right now.

Why are you so emotional all the time? Or like make fun of people for that, you know? Um, and then just allow people to get out their thoughts. If they might have. You know, trouble speaking or processing or whatever. Just give them time to process what you're saying and give them time to process what they want to say back.

So important. I love that. Thank you so much for saying that. We're going to add one more thing too. I forgot. Yeah. You know, the professionals, they know a lot from experience and their training. With my brother, through all the things that we work through based on the test results, They wanted to put, they wanted, they recommended that we put him in assisted living, but keep in mind, you are the one that have that relationship with that child or adult, you see them in and out.

And I had the ability to see my brother. And because I know where he started and where he is and where I wanted him to go. I decided no, we're not taking that route. I found my brother an apartment with other people that had disabilities because again I want him to feel like he's normal and that he has a right to regain some sense of manhood because he lost a lot of things he could not do as a man.

And let me tell you, when you Have that belief that they can thrive and you bring that support and all those other elements that we named my brother neurological scores. When we went back a year ago this year, the doctor was shocked. He was like, Oh my goodness, your scores are really great. What did you do?

And my brother told him it was his voice being choppy. And he said, Well, I eat right I play with my puzzles. I have friends, and it was like, if I wouldn't listen to him. And I know that sometimes we have to, but I strongly believe in my heart, and I put him in an institution. I don't think he would survive because he would have been with people that were probably much older.

He was already struggling with the fact because he was 57 when he had the stroke, but being around other people that were like him, that was, that has no judgment. They invite him out to dinner when he's talking to them. They are patient. I watched him how patiently they listen to him. They do what they call wellness check for him.

They are our tribe, and he loves it. He loves it because he has found a safe environment that accepts him, and it's a beautiful thing to watch. It's a beautiful thing. Yes. Did you have something to say, Lauren? Um, I love everything you're saying. I love it. Yeah, it's like I work with, you know, kids who are neurodivergent and some of the kids that I work with have gross motor disabilities and physical disabilities and they just want to be independent.

They want to be independent. They want to do things by themselves and so if we allow people who may have some neurological uh, disabilities Um, developmental, physical disabilities, just to be as independent as possible, they can thrive, they just need the right support, and you know, sometimes that might be putting them in a, you know, a housing situation that's not in our house.

That they might get the support that they need and sometimes that means Like them living with us and there's no shame in either one Um, it's just where can they be best supported and it reminds me of our interview with temple grandin That if her mom would have put her in The you know, like the mental health facility or whatever that they wanted to put her in when she was diagnosed, she would not be the person that she is today.

She would have just like lived in that facility, maybe never talked because she wouldn't have got the support that she needed. And, oh, I just love what you said. Like, let, let them have their independence. Let your brother have his manhood back. Like, stop. So important. Thank you so much. Everything you're saying, just, I hope people are listening.

I also to be that we give them their independence and how I did it with my brother, like, for example, I used to do all his shopping, his school preparation and everything. And so when I started doing is baby steps, because you want them to have the confidence too. So now he is allowed to go shopping for himself.

And what I do is I let them use a credit card. And so I'm locked the credit card so that way nothing can happen to him, but he goes to the store and he fixed he shops for himself. He does his own laundry and all those activities of daily living. We did it in implements. And recently this year my brother for two years have been asking for a pet.

And I was a little uncomfortable with that because you want to see how they can do those things independently so they can gradually move up to whatever level that you feel like that they're going to be comfortable with. And so I knew he had demonstrated. The capacity to take care of himself within the restraints of his brain capacity, but to be responsible for another living being.

I was a little uncomfortable with that. So he asked for 2 years. And then finally, what made me give in it was the very touching moment. He said, I want a companion. And I said, Okay, I think you're ready. And when I tell you this man loved Daisy, oh my gosh, he had a name for her. She took to my brother, and I even saw another level of success when he had something, another, I have to say, I'm just lost for words because I get caught up with it.

He had someone he can love, that he can be responsible for, that when he walks through the door, Daisy gets so excited, she jumps on him and just hug and kiss on him. And it's like, wow. And I think it goes to us paying attention to them, paying attention, picking up on what they're not saying, what they're saying, and what you can introduce that can make them feel that sense.

of normalcy at the level that they are. Yes, so important. Yes, yes, yes. Uh, that's all I can say that you're awesome. Um, is there anything else that you can think of for parents to support their kids in the way that we've been talking about? Is there anything else that you would say to parents? I always think that is here is whether you parents that when you're a divergent or whatever, they have normal parents.

We don't study our children. We study everything else, but we don't study our children. And I encourage you to watch your children like you're studying. You should, you, we can develop that intimacy where you know your child, because parents are quickly say, Oh, I know my child would do that. And then they do a wrote a tape and it's like, Oh my God, I went over that with child.

But I feel like studying your child. Watch them, whether it's watching their movement, watch how they express themselves when they're trying to tell you they're angry or express themselves when they're happy, or their dislikes, because I truly believe that when we study the people that we're trying to help to thrive, that it gives us insight on how we can help them.

Because you and I know it is very frustrating when you're trying to communicate your needs. And so just think if you have a parent will have a child that's having that difficulty, if you can pick up cues and everything, or even help them to learn how to communicate to you by whether it's objects or gestures, it just open up this that that space.

Where I really truly believe you get a deeper connection because it's intertwined with you identifying their needs, and they're feeling safe with you, although you're, you're their parent, but they feel the same space that they can express to themselves, especially if you have a child that is able to communicate or whatever, and they get to a point that maybe you're so used to doing something routinely.

And they don't want to do it anymore. And they tell you in so many ways, I don't want to do that. But yet you still want to do it. But I think when we study our children, as if we get to a point where we really feel a strong sense that we know them. And like I said, the cues how they communicate, then you're like, oh, okay.

You don't want this anymore. They will let you know, and then you can work through, find out, okay, what else do I need to do to fulfill that then I'm taking away that they don't like. And so I think it's just something in our being that. We don't think about studying people or learning people or really finding out what their needs are.

You'll be surprised parents, you have so much love for your child, you want them to feel that normalcy, but you don't realize that sometimes you're overlaying what you want, and you think it's what they want, but sometimes it's what we want on top of their needs, and when they comply with what we're overlaying, We think everything is fine, but deep inside of them is festering and they may not be able to articulate, but you when you study them really in intimacy, get to know your child or whoever you're dealing with.

It's more beautiful in the relationship, but be in a safe space that we can communicate. Our needs and not feel like if I do you're going to reject me because I'm not doing what you think I want to do when still there's something within me telling me this isn't right and I may not know how to articulate it, but I want to you to understand that.

And so again, I really feel like we need to study the people that we serve and we want to have that relationship and that we want them to thrive because once we do that, the relationship goes into a more deeper depth of understanding. Absolutely. Like get to know your child, get to know what they want.

And I know as a parent, like I had, um, you know, I had vision for what my kids would be like and what they would do. And, you know, I wanted to share all this stuff with them that I like doing as a kid and they, they don't want to do it and that's okay. Like they don't want to participate in, you know, like team sports or in a choir or whatever.

And that's okay. Like, I need to learn what they like and support them in what they're doing. So I agree. And you know what, when I say study now, for example, let's use you as an example. When you say your kids say they don't want to play sports a lot of times with periods, I'm not saying you're doing this, but a lot of time before kids say, Oh, I don't want to do so.

Okay, honey, you don't have to. There's nothing wrong with doing that, but if you want to dive in deeper, you want to know the logic behind how did they come to that conclusion, right? I always say, what's the reason behind the madness? Because you may find out they don't want to do it because they don't like it.

Something could be going on why they don't like it. Maybe they could be bullied and that's why they don't want to play the sport. Or maybe they could feel they don't have the confidence to be in that space. You really want to find out. What is the reasoning for them not wanting to do it? Because once you find out the reason, and it seems to you, I say to you badly, but it is a good reason, and it's nothing that you need to nurture them and say, Honey, it's okay, what's going on?

Because when other people outside of their safe family space try to encourage them to do something they want, you have already trained them to stand their ground and let their voice be heard. This is not for me. And so all of that confidence, I think, and being able to get inside of ourselves and recognize what we want as parents.

We teach that to our child, I believe, when they're under our care. So when they leave our home, we should be able to equip them to be able to face their peers and stand their ground in their authentic way, in their own way of communicating. No, I don't want to do it. And then also tell them, You don't always have to have an explanation if you know that's just not what you want to do.

And I feel like we don't do enough of that. And teaching our kids critical thinking and getting into, I call it, getting into their heads and helping them to understand also the beauty of decision making and having the confidence to explain themselves. Yes, always teach your kids to be advocates for themselves.

Working so hard with my kids to do that because like my, my daughter, she's just so, um, so not aggressive that someone will come over and they'll be like, can I have that? And they'll just take it from her, you know, like at preschool or something. And so we're really working with her to say, no, I'm using this right now.

You can have it when I'm done, you know, or something like that. So, yes, and we can teach our kids, like you said, no is a complete sentence. They don't have to have a reason for not wanting to do something. They can just say, no, I don't want to do that. And if it's something that they don't have to do, then that's fine.

You can just accept no, and that's okay. Yes. Well, thank you so much. This conversation has been amazing. I love it. Two more questions. Where can people find you online and find out more about your games? Oh, no, I do have a website that I've developed. I'm big. I'm going to read down because I learned something today at the business, but it's Zotti.

com that's Z O C H E Y. com. You'll learn my story, how the game came about. You see the beautiful images of it. The game also is online at Walmart. That's the platform I started off with. I am excited that I've developed a third game for kids that I think that our special needs kids are going to like because it is more than just the colors.

It's the expression of the faces and I really want to dive into this community. And think of other games that I can, as a matter of fact, I'm making a commitment that my next game I really want to make for this community. I want to see if I can partner with some parents and some clinicians to see how I can make those games because I'm telling you, all kids, my slogan is, uh, I want to create giggles and wiggles of fun for kids.

I don't say regular kids. I don't say special kids. I don't say the super smart kids. It's just kids in general. And I want to make them where they can sit down with their family members and just have fun. That is what Xochitl is about. Inclusiveness and this whole world that I just discovered. And knowing that there are people just like me and that I don't have to apologize or feel bad that I can't stand noise and I can't explain why I don't, I can't stand noise.

I don't have to explain why it's difficult for me to not be all over the place in my thoughts, but I do know that in order to manage those things, I have to be authentic. I have to come up with a system, which I have. And helping me. And one of the things, if you're like me, that's all over the place, I'm going to tell you the thing that has helped me is practicing mindfulness and giving myself grace.

Oh, I love it because before I, I was just full of anxiety and fear. And in fact, I found this cute little book. I don't know if you can see it. I found it at the 5 store. It's called my fear, my friend fear. I never thought about looking at. Fear as a friend, and it's okay that when I'm afraid that someone's going to see my weakness, I don't have to feel afraid anymore because now I realize it's just me.

It's just me. And so I can talk about it. I can laugh at myself about it. I can embrace someone else who has it and say, girlfriend, I got the same thing. We're going to be okay. I just love that world of acceptance that we can build together and that it can just go out to the world. And when they see that we're okay with what we have, we can educate, we can motivate, we can elevate.

We can do all kinds of things, guys, in promoting that we are different. But we are so much alike. We all want love, kindness and support. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. Such great words of wisdom. Um, our last question is what do you do for fun? Well, lately, um, I fell down the steps on Christmas and, uh, I missed my knee.

If I'm going to have surgery on Veterans Day. So what I used to do for fun, I like to go dancing. I, and I do love dancing. Doing community work too. That's fun to me. Any type of community activities that is in helping other people making their life better. I think that's fine. Uh, I'm a little quirky about this, but you may say it's not fun.

But for me, it is. I sometimes like to sit outside. There's this big tree. And when the wind comes, you know how trees shake, right? Sometimes I look at the tree and I said, ah, it looks like it's doing this. Maybe it's doing this, just make an imaginary thing that the way is she, oh, and I call it a, she, ah, look at her.

She just, she's just, oh, she said, I got the confidence today. Come on, touch me all over. And so I do that because. Life is a beautiful thing. It's a journey and I just feel like no matter what we're going through in life, no matter what we see, everything can be a joy to take us to a place of happiness. And so I know it's not something that a typical person will find.

It's a fun, a joy, but for me it is because it allows me to be imaginative and it allows me to say it's okay to do that. I've always been that way as a child. It's just something about trees and the way they sway and I just feel like that's how I want to be. No matter where the wind come, I'ma go with the wind and with nature and I'ma be okay.

I love it. That's awesome. So good. Well, thank you so much for coming on the show. We truly appreciate your time and all the words of wisdom you shared. Thank you for having me. Yeah, for sure. Well, Lauren, what'd you think? She was just full, full of good things today. So inspiring. I'm going to be honest. I have been in the funk all day.

And she was what I needed. Um, I thought she was amazing. I, I love just going back to the simplicity. Just be kind, just be you. Don't judge, like, those are all easy, simple, free things to do. Um, And I love it. I love that she mentioned, uh, when we are, you know, working with people who might be different than us and trying to figure things out to not try to figure it out without them, like let them be a part of it.

And I think that's so important. And then I love that. I think we've heard a few and multiple stories of parents saying the doctor said they'll never be able to do this and now they're doing this. Or the doctor said they won't be able to do this and now they're doing that thing. And I think it's just a reminder, you know, as a parent or a caregiver, when you believe in your child or whoever you're caring for and you believe and you want them to succeed and thrive, like, They can, you might be able to, like, sky's the limit, um, and, you know, she's, a story with her and her brother is a good example of that, um, and so, I love it.

I loved her. I think she was great and full of all of the wisdom. Yeah, exactly. Like, just be kind, be non judgmental, be patient, just I really like studying your child, too. Yeah, no, we talked about like getting curious, like get curious how your kid, like studying them, like really learn the ins and outs. Um, that's how you're going to be more successful.

That's how they're going to be more successful. Um, and I think she was right. Sometimes we don't do that or we think, you know, but we don't. Um, and so I really, I really liked that, that she said that too. And then again, going, we've said this a lot, give yourself grace. Yes. Self grace. Give yourself grace.

Give your kids grace. Everyone's doing their best. Just be, it's, and it's okay to not be okay. It's okay to have hard times and need to talk to someone, find a community, like she said, you know? So that's why. Yeah. That's honestly why I started the um, NeuroDivergent Parenting Community because I want people to have a place that they can come, they can talk to other parents who get it, they can ask questions, and not feel so alone because it can be a lonely road when you're raising a kid that, you know, is, they're not bad, they're, they're not bad.

They're just different, but you have to raise them differently than traditional parenting tells you. And sometimes that comes with a lot of judgment from other people and that can feel really lonely when you're not going down the path that other people think you should be. So be kind. Yes. . Well, thank you everyone for listening this week.

Uh, leave us a review if you would be so kind, and we will be back next week.