54 - Back to School Tips for Your Neurodivergent Child 05/08/24

Samantha and Lauren share resources for back to school. They emphasize the importance of communication with teachers, routines at home, fostering independence, and creating supportive environments. Stay tuned!

Here's what to expect on the podcast:

• How can open communication between parents and teachers benefit a neurodivergent child?

• Create a supportive environment tailored to your child's unique needs.

• What is a social story, and how can it help a neurodivergent child?

• Focus on highlighting your child's strengths and positive attributes.

• And much more!

Connect with Samantha Foote!

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TRANSCRIPTION

Are you feeling overwhelmed by your child's unique needs? Wondering how to turn daily challenges into moments of growth? Discover answers at the Neurodiversity in Harmony, a Summit for Empowered Parenting, coming on September 13, 2024. Join us for a day filled with expert insights and real life stories from professionals and parents alike, all dedicated to autism, ADHD, and other neurodivergent diagnoses.

Learn about innovative, positive parenting strategies and gain a deeper understanding of how to support your child's unique journey. Connect with a community that understands and shares your experiences. Whether you're seeking new strategies or some reassurance, this summit is your gateway to an empowered parenting approach.

Seats are limited, so don't miss out. Join our waitlist now to receive exclusive updates and registration details. Visit www. boisimusictherapycompany. com today and to secure your spot. Embrace the journey of neurodiverse parenting with us. This podcast is for parents like you navigating the world of neurodiversity with love and compassion.

I'm a neurodivergent mother of three amazing neurodivergent children and a board certified music therapist. Our mission is to create a supportive space where you feel understood, connected, and inspired with practical tips, strategies, and resources will help you and your child thrive in your unique way.

Join us as we dive deep into the diverse world of neurodivergent individuals, exploring topics like ADHD, autism, dyslexia, sensory processing challenges, and more. We'll cover it all to empower, educate, and uplift both neurodivergent individuals and those who walk alongside them. Together we'll create a world where every brain is valued and celebrated.

We're excited to embark on this enlightening journey with you. We are your hosts, Samantha Foote and Lauren Ross, and this is the Every Brain is Different podcast.

Welcome to the Every Brain is Different podcast. It is Lauren and I today doing a solo episode. And we are going to be talking about preparing your child to go back to school. So I know in Where we live, like school's starting early this year, it's like August 14th, and I am not a fan. Yeah, I never, this is my one little rant, in Idaho is, I don't know why, the fair is after school starts.

Yeah, yeah, I would much rather, they say we're starting earlier so we get out before Memorial Day, or the weekend of Memorial Day. And I'm like, I would much rather. school into June and start later in August so that we can enjoy the good weather because in June, it's not good weather. It's not good weather here, not in Idaho though.

Yeah. Not in Idaho. And we're still having amazing weather in August. I still want to go on vacations. I want to go. On the river still, but I can't because my kids are in school and it's not fun. So, there's our rant. And the fair, yeah, the fair, like you said, that's ridiculous. It's like the biggest end of the summer thing and then kids can't go to it because they're in school.

Well, a lot of kids just miss school because they have to show their animals and stuff like that. See, that's just another reason. Sorry. Yeah. Well, this is my last thing. I think that kids should be in school from Labor Day to Memorial Day. I was just going to say that. I was like, why don't we start like Labor Day, Memorial Day.

Yeah. I'll look good. It will be fine. Everyone will be fine. Anyway, that was a rant that we weren't going to go on, but we did. So that's cool. Um, but yeah, so going back to school with your neurodivergent kid, I know for us in my family, I already have meetings scheduled for the teachers to talk to, especially one of my kids, we're trying to decide if we're going to do homeschool or have him go back to school.

So. Because he has changed so much. I did not realize how stressful school was for him before school ended. And he is just, like, he's laughing again, he's happy, he's listening to what we say, he's actually doing things that we ask him to do. And he told me, he said, I want to go to school. But I can't go for seven, eight hours a day.

He said, that is too much. I want to just go in the morning. So we're going to try and see if we can make that happen. So I know other people have done it, like this one person that I was talking to said that her child just went from like nine to noon and then she picked him up and she had the school sign this thing that they weren't responsible for teaching him science and history.

So it was on her to teach him science and history and then he did math. And reading and other things during the morning. So we're trying to do that because a lot of neurodivergent kids are not cut out for traditional school. I would say a lot of kids are cut out for traditional school, but especially if you have like a high, a highly affected nervous system, I guess you could say, like, and then a lot of neurodivergent kids that are going to school are masking all day.

And then it's just. So exhausting, exhausting. Yeah. And so, um, there are a lot of different options if your child doesn't fit the mold for the traditional school year. And like my nephew is in this online school, but he still goes to his home school for specials so he can go for, you know, like PE and music and art and band and all those different things.

But he's homeschooled the majority of the time, and then the homeschooling program does outings once a month where you can go and hang out with other kids. So I think that that is a really good option, too, if your kid just can't go to school for one reason or another. I know If your kid is in school, then you have, you could have an IEP where they might get pulled out of the classroom so they're not in the classroom all day long, or their teacher has specific things that they need to do.

To, um, help them in the classroom. And so just having open communication with the teachers, I think is a really important thing. So, you know, when my son was in school last year, I got a daily email from his teacher about how he did that day and what they were seeing and what she was doing to help him, what he was doing, like all this different stuff.

And so I just think that's so vital for parents to have just open communication with the teachers. That is my number one. Like tip for what we're going to talk about today. I love it. Yeah, the other thing So we're going to talk about some other things too. It's just understanding the needs of your neurodivergent child and then strategies for a smooth transition and Having a supportive environment which includes you know, like focusing on their strengths and focusing on their sensory needs So, starting at the top, um, understanding the needs of your specific child.

You know your child the best, every, no matter what any professional tells you, if a professional tells you that you don't know your child and they know what they, what your child needs more than you do, run away. Oh, yeah. I had a boss that told me that. She was like, we know more. Then what are, what the parents know.

So we're not going to listen to them and just do the plans that you want. And I'm like, um, no. And then I quit that job because you know, your child, the best, and you know, what they struggle with, you know, their strengths, you know, what they like to do, what can, you know, act as an incentive for them. So really focus on that and share that with the school.

I know some people like make a letter from the kid to the parent, to the teacher just saying, Hey, here's my name. Here's what I like to do. Here's some things that I struggle with. Here's my strengths. And then they give like a little gift to the teacher with this letter at the beginning of the year. And I've heard from parents and teachers that it just makes the year go so much better because they know from the beginning.

They have that extra information. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And just. I think that's a good thing for, like, any child to do for a teacher, but especially if you have, like, sensory needs, or, you know, like, they put my son, he, um, he doesn't like loud sounds, and he was having a really hard time in music because they put him directly under the speaker.

Fils. But the music teacher didn't know that he didn't like loud noises. It's. It's. You know, that he didn't like loud sounds. And so he asked for headphones to wear in music. And then he asked to be away from the speaker. And I was like, well, I didn't know any of that was happening. The music teacher probably didn't even think about putting him under the speaker.

Yeah. Probably didn't even think about where the speaker was, you know, but if you wrote a letter to her at the beginning of the year saying, My child doesn't like loud noises. Please keep them away from the speaker. My child doesn't like to have people, like, surrounding him. Please keep him on the edge of the group, not in the middle of the group.

You know, something like that. Yeah. Again, that, that open linings communication can for sure help for a lot of preventative things. So again, knowledge is power. The more we know, the better off we'll be. Yeah. And then you won't have your son hiding in the bathroom when he's supposed to be in music and not telling anyone and the school doesn't know where he is.

So that was fun. But that's what happened because no one listened to what he needed. Exactly. So the second thing is a smooth transition from home to school, from school to home. Um, there are some different things that you can do for that. I like having a visual schedule in the morning of everything that we have to do before my kids get on the bus.

So you know, we have wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast, pack your backpack, brush your teeth. Get on the bus, you know, whatever, whatever you do in the morning. And then like we had, um, Dr. Gilly Khan talks about having autonomy. And so if your child struggles with being told what to do, you can just give them the schedule and say, here's your schedule.

Here's what you need to do. And then they can learn just to grab that schedule and then check it off as they go. I love that. And then the other thing. So. And the visual schedule, it doesn't have to be, like, pictures or a big thing. You could literally just have, like, a piece of paper with stuff written on it, if your child can read.

If they can't read, then it might be better to have pictures. But, we have, like, these little chore chart things that I got from Amazon, that just has the pictures of what you need to do, and then they just, Um, there's the thing on the edge that says, done or not done, and they just move the thing over. But you don't have to get fancy.

You don't have to be fancy at all. It could just be written down on a piece of paper or laminated or whiteboard or whatever you wanna do. You, they have fancy ones on like Etsy and Amazon. You can get craft or, or get expensive or could be super cheap. Yeah, for sure. I think we talked about that before, that you just.

Schedules do not have to be a thing. Yeah. They don't have to be a big thing. Like, just use a planner if you want to. Whatever. Um, the other thing that can help is social stories. So you can get a social story if your kid is really worried about going to school. You can get a social story about what happens at school.

Um, You know, what happens on the bus, riding the bus. Can you explain, cause we hear, I hear, I, I obviously know what a social story is, but can you explain, like, some people throw it around a lot, like, it's a social story. What does that actually mean? Like, what is a social story? A social story is just usually a very simple story that talks about what's going to happen.

So, for example, If we're riding the bus, then it might say, Johnny gets on the bus. Johnny sits down in the chair, in the seat, and then he listens to the bus driver and follows the direction so everyone is safe. And then he gets off the bus and goes into the school. And then it just has really simple pictures and simple words so that it clearly illustrates what's going to happen.

or what the expectations are. So it might say in the bus one, you know, like when we're on the bus, we keep quiet, we stay in our seat, we keep our hands to ourselves so that we are safe and everyone else is safe on the bus. That might be an example. And I really like just googling things for social stories.

So I would just google how to be safe on the bus social story and then put the age because. You know, there's different varying elements based on someone's age. Like, it's going to be more in depth if you're a high schooler versus if you're a kindergartner. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. And I just Google it. I just say whatever the topic is, whatever I need help with, social story.

And there are some programs where you can make your own social story, um, if you want to do that. You can make your own and some of them are free, some of them cost money. Or you could just go and get graphics and write your own story and then print it off for your kid. Or PowerPoint. Yeah, PowerPoint.

That's what, yes, Canva, Canva, PowerPoint, whatever. Um, yeah. Voice. Yeah, so there's a lot of different options, and if you want examples, they even have like animated social stories on YouTube that you can look at. I really like those because my kids like watching videos, and so they'll pay attention to a video more than me reading like a book.

Yeah, reading a book, and that's just how their brain processes things. So, yeah, definitely there are a lot of different options for social stories. But yeah, and then we talked about fostering independence, so as independent as you can help your child be, then they're probably going to be more able to do things.

Without the pushback because I don't know about other parents, but when I tell my kids, do this, do this, do this, do this, I'm like, I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. But if it's part of their routine, like with the visual schedule, then they can just check it off as they go. Um, one thing that we do during the school year is pick out our clothes the night before.

And then we have them sitting out on my organ bench so the kids can just grab their clothes. They know where they are, they grab their clothes, they go change their clothes, and then they're ready to go so they don't. Because in the summer, I just made a TikTok video about this. I don't know why we've gotten into this habit, but they'll be like, Mom, get my clothes, and I'll get their clothes.

And then they'll say, I don't want those clothes. Well then get your own clothes. Okay, but if I don't get their clothes, they'll be like, Just have a meltdown because they want me to get their clothes. I'm like, you don't like the clothes for you anyway. So we need to go back. I don't know how we got out of this habit of getting our clothes the night before, but I'm just going back to getting their clothes the night before and be like, there's your clothes.

If you don't like those clothes, then you can get your own. But I pick them out, you know? Yeah, it's just really funny to me what kids have meltdown issues over. Yeah, yeah. I wish this was my life problem right now. I wish. My mom not picking my clothes was a big deal in my life. Like that, but it's them. So we have to take it serious.

Yeah. That was the other thing I was going to say. If your child brings up an issue, even if you don't think it's a big issue, it's a big issue to them. So take it seriously. Problem solve with them, work through it, you know, different stuff. It'll help your relationship with them too. Like you're fostering those.

Open communication, bonding, all of that. Yeah, I like the saying, I'm gonna butcher it, but it's like, pay attention to the small things, in quotes, when they're young, so they can talk to you about the big things when they're older, because everything is big to them. You know, they dropped their apple on the floor, and now they can't eat it, because it, like, I don't know, got broken or something.

That's a big deal to them, even though you're like, oh my gosh, just get another apple. Well, what if that apple was like the one that they really, really wanted? You know? Perfect apple. Yeah. Yeah. Color. Yeah. And so that also works in with the school thing that they'll be more willing to tell you about things that are happening at school that are issues if you listen to them about the smaller things in your mind.

That they're having issues with. I know, like, my son was being bullied his whole Kindergarten year and he didn't tell me until after kindergarten ended. He's like, well, I didn't want to get in trouble I'm like, why would why would you get in trouble? But in his mind he was gonna get in trouble because other people were being mean to him and I don't know why But that's just what he thought and so having that open communication with your kids You And with the teachers can help you identify problems early on.

Yeah. And then a lot of times, like if there's issues at school, the school might contact you and be like, this happened. And I don't know, my son will not talk to teachers at school. He just shuts down. And so they're like, well, this is what the other kid said happened. So your kid's in trouble because he did this.

And then I like talk to my son when he gets home. And he's like, well, this is actually what happened. And I'm like, well, why didn't you just say that? And he's like, well, I don't know. So, just, yeah, and then being able to communicate that to the teachers and say, hey, this is what he was thinking. This is what his side of the story is.

So I don't know. I feel like there's like less judgment from the teachers. Because I don't care what people say, teachers will label your child as good or bad. I've heard it from like professionals and they don't want to, but like in their head they'll be like, oh well he's always bad, he's always doing bad things.

So, um, if they can understand the intent behind what your child's doing, they'll have more empathy and be able to help your child more than if they're just like, well, he knows he's in trouble because he's not saying anything. So he knows that what he did was wrong. And so he's in trouble, you know, um, So yeah, having open communication with the teachers can help with that too, like helping them understand the intent or the reasons behind what your child does, like my son has PDA and so he, when he's confronted about something, he just shuts down because his nervous system shuts down.

So just having them understand that can really go a long way. Yeah. And then the last thing that we have is having a supportive environment. And so focusing on strengths of your child, like really focusing on the strengths of your child and highlighting those in their life, I think is really important, especially if they struggle in school.

Um, I think, uh, and telling we, and we kind of briefly touched on it when we had our conversation with, uh, Dr. Gilly Kahn. about like when we tell a kid about a diagnosis, um, because they might be like, Oh, I, I, I can't do that because I have this diagnosis. Um, I think a way to kind of get and prevent that from happening is to not talk about what they can't do because of it, but talking and focusing, like you said, more on the strengths and what they can do, um, in relation to their diagnosis.

Like again, what is their superpower and focusing on that versus the. What they can't, um, I mean, obviously we're going to work on some of those can'ts because they just might be vital to functioning, um, but again, focusing on those strengths is going to be way more beneficial, so. Yeah, kids, I heard, I don't remember the statistic, but they hear about their weaknesses.

Way more than they hear about their strengths. And so really highlighting their strengths can help them have that self esteem boosts that they need, because a lot of kids who are especially neurodivergent kids in the school system, they just get told, Oh, you need to work on this. You need to work on this.

Here's your goal. Here's your goal. They don't get told you are amazing at this. Yeah. Good job doing this, you know? And I think it's important to remember that with kids with PDA, To highlight them, but in a roundabout way, because if you come at them and just praise them, that's a demand for them. Yeah. Not everyone, but for some kids, that's a demand.

And so they'll shrink back and they will like, Not like that attention and that will just make things worse. And so maybe having them over here, you talk to somebody else like, Oh, you know, my son did this today. It was so awesome and not telling them directly, but telling somebody else. Yeah, and I think it puts less, like you said, not necessarily good demand, but less pressure to maintain.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Um, the other thing that for supporting, having a supportive environment is sensory needs. So what sensory needs does your child have and how can the school accommodate those needs when they're at school? So you can have like a 504 plan. Which is just a list of accommodations for your child, and that's way easier to get than an IEP, which is an individualized education plan.

But if your child needs an IEP, then those accommodations can also be on the IEP. And don't be afraid to ask for them. The school might not present them and say, Hey, we need to do this, but if you know, once again, if you know your child does not like loud sounds, make sure they're not placed right in the front row next to the teacher who's Speaking loudly for the whole class to hear, or right under the speaker, or if they don't like to be surrounded by people, don't place them in the middle of the classroom, like put them on the end.

Um, if they need to wear, if they don't like bright lights in the classroom, maybe they need to wear sunglasses in the classroom, and that's okay. Um, just different things like that. You know a big sensory need that I've seen a lot in classrooms is like those wiggle seats or things that they can kind of like sit and wiggle on.

So they're getting that movement. They're like sitting. Yeah. Or if they need to stand at their desk. Or if they need a fidget toy. Or my son, one of my sons needs to wear long sleeves and a hood. to feel safe at school. And so we have that in his IEP that he can wear a hood in class because hoods aren't allowed.

You have to have everything off. And we put that in his IEP because he will not go to school without that. So just don't be afraid to ask for what your kids need because there's a lot of things that the school won't recommend. Maybe because they just don't think about it, you know?

We'll love it. Those are our strategies or our recommendations. Um, just once again, understanding the needs of your neurodivergent child. Um, create a visual schedule, practice social stories, foster independence. And then communication and collaboration with teachers. I know the teachers that my kids had last year were so open to ideas like, How can we help your child?

How can we help them be successful? They were very open. In fact, one of them even took a training on PDA to understand. that means and what that means for him in school. Um, and then the last thing is having a supportive environment. So focus on positivity and strengths and prepare for sensory needs. So I hope that these ideas have helped you and will help your children in school this year.

And then, I don't know, I've been struggling a lot with homeschooling my kid because I was never going to be that mom. And so, I'm working on letting that go and just doing what my kid needs. And so, this is just to say if school for your child looks different than you thought it would, it's okay. Yup, it's okay.

Even if people judge you, even if other people don't like what you're doing, you know what's best for your child. You know what they need. And so, just help them do it. Ignore the outside noise that doesn't matter, but it's yeah, it's so much easier to say than do, but it's, we are here to cheer you off and it'd be, so yeah, we'll support.

Yep, for sure. Well, thank you all for listening today. Um, we really appreciate you listening and reviewing the show and sharing it. Um, yeah, and we will be back next week. Thank you for listening to this episode. We hope the discussion on neurodiversity has provided you with support, understanding, and inspiration.

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