53 - Dr. Gilly Kahn and Sleeping Strategies for Neurodivergent Teens 29/07/24
In this episode, we talk with Dr. Gilly Kahn, a clinical psychologist specializing in neurodiversity and emotion regulation. Dr. Kahn shares her personal journey with ADHD, challenges of diagnosis, and the importance of understanding the emotional component of ADHD in women. Stay tuned for valuable insights for parents and individuals navigating neurodiversity!
Here's what to expect on the podcast:
Dr. Gilly Kahn’s journey in understanding ADHD.
The challenges and misconceptions with ADHD.
Parenting tips for neurodivergent teens.
Different tools and techniques to help kids with ADHD fall asleep.
And much more!
About Dr. Gilly:
Gilly Kahn, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist, mother, and writer. She specializes in neurodiversity and emotion regulation and provides individual therapy in Atlanta, Georgia. When she is not seeing clients or chasing around her two baby bears (children), you’ll usually find her writing, probably about something psychological. Gilly blogs for ADDitude Magazine, is writing her debut novel (with the working title of, Allow Me to Interrupt: A Psychologist Reveals the Emotional Truth Behind Women’s ADHD), and engages in other advocacy efforts to raise awareness on women’s health issues.
Connect with Dr. Gilly Kahn!
Email: https://www.drgillykahn.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drgillykahn/
Connect with Samantha Foote!
Website: www.boisemusictherapycompany.com
Email: [email protected]
Consultation: https://letsmeet.io/boisemusictherapycompany/30-mi…
Neurodiversity in Harmony: A Summit for Empowered Parenting https://www.boisemusictherapycompany.com/registrat…
TRANSCRIPTION
Are you feeling overwhelmed by your child's unique needs? Wondering how to turn daily challenges into moments of growth? Discover answers at the Neurodiversity in Harmony, a Summit for Empowered Parenting, coming on September 13, 2024. Join us for a day filled with expert insights and real life stories from professionals and parents alike.
All dedicated to autism, ADHD, and other neurodivergent diagnoses. Learn about innovative, positive parenting strategies and gain a deeper understanding of how to support your child's unique journey. Connect with a community that understands and shares your experiences. Whether you're seeking new strategies or some reassurance, this summit is your gateway to an empowered parenting approach.
Seats are limited so don't miss out. Join our waitlist now to receive exclusive updates and registration details. Visit www. boisimusictherapycompany. com today to secure your spot. Embrace the journey of neurodiverse parenting with us. This podcast is for parents like you, navigating the world of neurodiversity with love and compassion.
I'm a neurodivergent mother of three amazing neurodivergent children and a board certified music therapist. Our mission is to create a supportive space where you feel understood, connected, and inspired. With practical tips, strategies, and resources, we'll help you and your child thrive in your unique way.
Join us as we dive deep into the diverse world of neurodivergent individuals exploring topics like ADHD, autism, dyslexia, sensory processing challenges, and more. We'll cover it all to empower, educate, and uplift both neurodivergent individuals and their families. And those who walk alongside them together will create a world where every brain is valued and celebrated.
We're excited to embark on this enlightening journey with you. We are your hosts samantha foot and lauren ross, and this is the every brain is different podcast
Welcome to the every brain is different podcast. We are here with dr. Gilly khan She is a clinical psychologist, mother and writer. She specializes in neurodiversity and emotion regulation and provides individual therapy in Atlanta, Georgia. When she is not seeing clients or chasing around her two baby bears, also known as children, you'll usually find her writing probably about something psychological Gilly blogs for attitude magazine.
And is writing her debut novel with the working title of Allow Me to Interrupt, A Psychologist Reveals the Emotional Truth Behind Women's ADHD. She also engages in other advocacy efforts to raise awareness on women's health issues. Welcome, Gilliam. So excited to have you on the show. Thank you. I'm so excited to be here and I'm really excited for the summit.
Yeah, she, um, Gilly is our summit keynote speaker. So that is super exciting. Our summit on September 13th. So if you want more information about that, we have that in our show notes and you can go sign up for the. Sign up to come to the summit. So yeah, I'm so excited. Um, can you tell us a little bit more how you're involved in the neurodivergent community?
Um, so I'm a clinical psychologist and I do mostly individual therapy and most of my clients are neurodivergent teens. Um, so teens who are autistic or who have ADHD, um, I have a lot of, like, testing experience in my background, but now I generally do therapy, um. And yeah, I am neurodivergent myself. I have ADHD.
I was diagnosed, um, about a year ago, but it's something I suspected for many, many years, along with a lot of other women who are around my age, and it has just kind of become I think slowly better understood, you know, how ADHD manifests in females. And because I've seen that there is such a need for people to really understand the emotional component of ADHD, especially in women.
I decided to focus my first book on that topic. Um, but writing is my second passion. It's something I have. Always loved and so, you know, I'm really proud that this is going to be the focus of my first book Yeah, I am so excited to read your book when it comes out I've seen things on instagram like you show some behind the scenes things and what you're writing about and your writing process and all that and I am so excited for this book because I was diagnosed last year, too, and it was, it changed my life when I got diagnosed, so I can understand what women are going through right now, because I suspected for like ten years before I got diagnosed that I had ADHD, and they're like, no, you're fine.
So what led you to, like, seeking that diagnosis? I think I was fed up. Um, you know, I mean, it's like, I mean, I, I've been interested in psychology since like high school. That's when I really decided, you know, I I'm going to be a psychologist, but before that I wanted to be a writer. And, um, while I was learning, You know, psychology in my AP psych class.
I mean, even as early as that, I've thought like, do I have ADHD? And that thought came to my mind because, um, there were just a lot of signs. There were signs. Uh, but basically, you know, it was hard for me to sit still while studying. Um, it always took me twice as much effort to get. A worse grade than my friends, you know, like, and they would laugh about it.
Like I had one close friend who was always very laid back. She would wait until the last second to study. And then she would be like, Hey, Gilly, what'd you get? And it was always a few points below what she got. And I had studied for three weeks. Um, and. You know, I just couldn't, I couldn't retain a lot of the information, especially when it was stuff that was really boring to me or when it required a lot of memorization, like.
History or anything that involved a lot of working memory, which is basically the ability to keep information in mind and then manipulate it in your head. Like mental math. Oh my God. Like I would have nightmares about having to do, especially those. Oh my God. And the speed of tasks, like the, uh, multiplication, the fact sheets, and they would give them as a pop quiz.
There is like nothing worse for a girl with ADHD. Uh, because we just want to impress and um, I was known as the smart girl, but when you're giving me that Like I would tank And so yeah, I mean I would move around between different places in the house um, I it was hard for me to like stay just like Focused and I had I still do this today like read to myself out loud Just so that way I can follow along and my brain doesn't wander.
Um, and the other thing that was confusing to me is like, it's, and this is, I think it's good that I guess I'm bringing this up because you said you wanted to talk about this today. It was really hard for me to fall asleep and that has always been an issue until today. Um, and I have even, you know, I remember even like a few years ago, I would tell my husband like, I wish someone could just give me like a horse tranquilizer and just like put me to bed because I, I can't get my brain to shut off, it's always on.
And when I was learning about psychology early on, uh, we would link that to anxiety, like generalized anxiety disorder, uh, people could worry a lot, it's hard for them to fall asleep at night. Uh, but I wasn't a worrier. Like, I mean, I cared about my grades, but I was never like a worried child. Um, so it just didn't seem to fit, but they're now we're learning, you know, there's so many parts of ADHD.
That are not really recognized in the criteria or even just among professionals or the general public and sleep issues as you know, is one of them. And so I think there were all these signs and my, my daughter, when she turned two and even before then, I mean, she has not shut off. And my husband and I have said like, we think she has ADHD.
Other people in the family have commented too, since she was really young. And I was just working with, um, a lot of clients who are neurodivergent and including them in like conversations of diagnosis. And I just thought I cannot be a hypocrite, you know, and I can't do myself a disservice. Like I can't work with people and tell them to be okay with something if I cannot be okay with something, uh, with the same thing, you know, and then how can I help them if I don't help myself?
And it got to a point where I was so I was so frustrated that during the, um, stimulant shortage, which is still happening, and when I couldn't get my medication for various reasons, I literally, like, put my hands on the counter and screamed. Oh no. Everything was so bottled up and I was just ready. I was ready to talk about it and to just treat it.
Yeah, I hear that from a lot of different people, like they wish that they would have been like diagnosed sooner so they could have got the help because when you get help, it's life changing. I know when I finally got the right concoction of medications, my husband and I were talking about this the other day, that he was like, you actually go to sleep at a decent hour now.
And you don't stay up all night and then you're tired the next day because you stayed up all night because you couldn't sleep and then you had to wake up, you know? So he's like, and I'm not tired anymore because I don't have to stay up with you. And I'm like, well, you never had to stay up with me. He's like, yeah, but you were doing things.
Yeah. Lay here. You know? So, um, but once I got, and you know, medication isn't for everyone, but once I got the right medication for me, like it has changed my life. Like, cause I am a worrier and I had that just ongoing drive. Like it was just, once I started worrying about something, it would just like spiral, I would spiral down and to just, you know, Not good things.
And so I really appreciate the medication that I have. And I also went to counseling, you know, I got therapy and you know, other lifestyle changes, but definitely getting the diagnosis first changed my life. I was so, so frustrated. Like you said, just screaming, like I would scream too, because you just have to let out the frustration.
Like, yeah. When everyone's telling you that you're fine. You're just not handling your life well. Yes. When you're, when you have ADHD, you have like a chemical imbalance problem. It's just very frustrating. There's nothing more invalidating, I think, than, you know, when you just know, you know, I think we need to give people a lot more credit.
Um, and I think a lot of professionals have this thing where they're just like, I'm the professional. Like I know, you know, I know everything. Um, but you might not. You know, and, and people are coming because they're really suffering. And so if it's not that, what is it, you know, and can you really explain it much better?
So the person not buys into it, but like agrees with you, you know, because if they don't. Maybe you're wrong. Yeah, yeah. Um, and I know we didn't talk about this before, but I would love to hear your thoughts on getting a diagnosis for children. Um, a lot of parents I know say they don't want to label their child.
They don't want to get the diagnosis because they don't want that label because, you know, sometimes children take that label and they're like, Well, I can't do that because I have this, or I can't do this because I have that. Um, what would you say to parents who are kind of questioning that? It's complicated because it depends on the family.
Uh, it was interesting though because I, um, I, I frequently work with families like this where they're just not sure. They're like, do I tell my kid? When do I tell my kid? How do I tell them? Um, and so I, I just made a post like an Instagram post that was like, you know, should parents tell their kids? About their diagnosis and oh my God, I mean, if you're like endless comments, they're all like, please.
Absolutely. Whoever doesn't it's a disservice. Um, I mean, it was like a resounding. Yes. Um, they should, they should tell their kids and I agree, but also we have to remember that a lot of parents are from a different generation from a different culture from a different mindset. Um, So if the way, if they think they're not ready, maybe it isn't the best thing for them to tell their kid because they wouldn't deliver the information in a supportive way because they have not dealt with it themselves or they haven't accepted it, you know, so I view things from a very kind of gray perspective.
lens. I don't think things are so black and white. It, it just depends on the family and it has a lot to do, I think, with the parents and the stages of, you know, the stage of where they are. Um, I do think like when kids get older though, like teens, then I'm teetering more in the direction of, you know, maybe can I tell them then?
Uh, because Once, you know, you hit a certain age, things start to get a lot more complicated socially, and, um, you want to make sure that, like, Like, for example, like if I'm working with a kid and so many of their challenges could just be clearly explained to them through the diagnosis and through the lens of autism and or, you know, ADHD, and I'm feeling stunted in my work with the kid because I can't use that information with them, then I will have a serious talk with the parents and I will say like, come on now, you know, like this is going to make therapy better.
Okay. Um, and it's true, like a lot of, you know, neurodivergent kids, they struggle with sensory overload and it's hard to just say, to just explain it like that. When kids get older, you know, a lot of them are very smart kids. They'll ask me like, so what is that called? Like, and I don't want to tell them sensory processing disorder because like, I'm not an occupational therapist.
And because. It's not. It's autism. So, but they want to know, like they want answers, so it gets harder, you know, as they get older, it depends how much the diagnosis would actually provide information and difference in their lives. When they're younger, it may not make such a big difference to know or not to know, uh, what the label is.
Um, but it's not so, so black and white, although most people will say you have to tell them. Yeah, I like what you said about telling them when the parents are ready also, like, have the parents accept the diagnosis. Are they supportive of their child? Like, that they have to be supportive before they can tell their child.
That's a, I never thought about that before, but that's a really good thing to think about before you tell your kid. Yeah. Or if let's say the parent's not on board and the clinician says like, like, I don't know, tries to, you know, push them into it and says, you know, you really should tell them there are so many reasons to tell them.
And then the kid does what you said, where they say, well, I can't do that because blah, blah, blah. Then they're going to turn that against you and they're going to pull the kid out of therapy. You know, so you have to think, I think like 10 steps ahead. Um, parents have a lot of involvement in their kid's treatment.
And what matters is that the kid is getting better, you know. And there are all these factors, um, that need to be considered and that come into play. It's not so black and white. Yeah, for sure. That is such good advice. I love it. Um, so speaking of parenting tips and strategies, do you have anything for parents, um, we talked about in the pre interview, about helping their teens with sleep?
Because I know that's a huge thing with neurodivergent kids. I know with my kids, They don't sleep unless we give them melatonin. And so like, are there some strategies that you have for parents that they might be able to try? So here's the challenging thing with ADHD, and I speak from personal experience.
You know, there's like, um, What's it called? Like, uh, insomnia, CBT. I used to work in a practice where there was a sleep specialist in the practice, like a psychologist who specialized in sleep disorders, which is so meaningful because there are very few of those. Um, actually my writing coach is one, uh, Dr.
Ana Bartolucci. Uh, so in case you want to look her up, she's written some books about it. But anyway, um, it's not like an advertisement, it's not about me, but I was going to say like, um, it's just, it's a hard, it's a difficult challenge to tackle when it's someone with ADHD, because, you know, there's only so much you can do to change your biology.
You know, without medication. Yeah. Which is why I think if you need melatonin, it's not, I mean, I'm not, I'm not a doctor. It's not gonna kill you though. I don't think it's gonna, you know, if it helps you, and your doctor's okay with it, um, then, Why not? I'm all about make your life easier, uh, because if you can't shut your brain off, then you just can't.
I mean, you can, you can start with all of the behavioral strategies. The other thing that's important to keep in mind that a lot of people don't know that I recommend to a lot of my, uh, parents of teens is that there is a medication now. The, um, brand name is Journey PM. Have you heard of it? I have not.
Oh, okay. See, there you go. A lot of people don't know this exists, but it's methylphenidate that basically kicks in. I think it's like 10 hours after you take it. So parents will give it to their teen at night. And then, you know, when they wake up and they time it, so like 6am, it's like, whoa, they have a cup of coffee in them because it just, yeah, you know, so that, that helps a lot of people at least with like waking up.
In the morning, and it can also help with your circadian rhythm, you know, because it's very timed. It's not like, you know, you wake up and then you take your, you know, Ritalin or whatever. Um, so I've seen that help a few teens, uh, who already take methylphenidate just switching to this. different medication.
Uh, now in terms of like the behavioral things, like the, um, things you can actually do with your teen to help them, a lot of the work that I do just involves, um, creating more autonomy, uh, because parents are very stressed out. They feel like they need to micromanage and like pull their kid out of bed. So, you know, what can you do to make it more likely that the kid gets themselves out of bed?
And we basically problem solve and, you know, tailor the, the solution to the teen. So, you know, it goes from as little as like, You know, set, set two alarms and put the phone on the other side of the room. So you have to get up. Um, and it, you know, might range to, you know, apparently there's like, you can find this on Amazon, I'm sure.
But there are these like little robot alarms that will like run away from you. And they have really creative things. Uh, but I've tried these, you know, with my teens. There was one teen I was working with who loved, um, Like airsoft, so like, I don't know, not real guns, but like, you know, airsoft guns, uh, and so there's, uh, an alarm of like a bullseye and the, the kid takes, I don't know if it's like a gun or a pointer or something, and they need to wake up and aim and then shoot the thing for it to turn off.
That's awesome. Because then you have to like really be awake. We need to be awake. Exactly. So it's like, how do you really kind of shock the system and force, you know, in a fun way. So that way it's not like, Oh, I have to get up for school, you know, like you build on whatever the kids already interested in and they get excited and they want to buy the alarm.
Yeah. Yeah. It's a drag. Um, they also have like the soothing ones that are like, and then they kind of like glow a different color, but like, that would never help me or the teens I work with, but it might help. Um, that might just put me back to sleep. So yeah, thinking about alarms. And then it goes to the other extreme where it's like, um, you know, if the kid is not out of bed by a certain time, right, let's say you set two alarms, you get these crazy ones from Amazon and nothing is helping.
And the kid is just a rock, right? Like in the bed. Um, then what do you do? Then, you know, you would say like, okay, you have until this time to get out of your bed. If you don't get out of your bed by this time, we are going to play the song that you hate through Alexa on repeat until you get out. Yeah, which works.
That, yeah, that would definitely work. I feel like I need to use that with my boyfriend. Yeah, you have to, because what are you going to do for the rest of their lives? Pull them by their feet, you know? So it's like these strategies. And then in addition to that, if you want to be softer, you can include rewards.
Right? Like we've done like also incentives, but for a lot of kids with ADHD, it doesn't, it doesn't really work because like, it just, you need to snap them out of it because it, and I know for me too, it's really hard to transition from being asleep to being awake. So like, you might really want to earn the 5 toward the video game or whatever.
But like, in the moment, you're In La La Land, like you're not, you know, thinking about that. So that's something to consider. Yeah, for sure. Cause if you're not like awake, you're not thinking clearly. You're not thinking about the rewards. Like, yeah, we did that for my son. We're like, if you. I can't remember.
Oh, it was not coming into our bedroom. I said, if you don't come into my bedroom in the morning, you can have this, but the incentive was too far removed. And so he did not care at midnight when he wanted to come into my bed at five years old, he did not care about what he was going to get like seven hours later.
He was just thinking, I want to be with my mom and dad. And so, yeah, I can see how incentives might not work that well. At least they didn't work for us. Well, That you tried that, right? I think it's sort of like medication, right? Like you try, if it doesn't work, you tweak it. Like, you know, I think it's a good message because parents shouldn't be discouraged.
If something doesn't work, it's okay. You change it a little bit. Yeah, for sure. Something that's worked really well in our house is using sleep stories so that my kid's brain can be focused on something and then they can fall asleep to that. So that helps them fall asleep. And then to wake up. If we just start playing music, like I've talked about the ISO principle on here before, but you start playing like soft music that doesn't have a lot going on.
And then it slowly builds up to, you know, music that's louder, that has a lot going on in a lot of different elements. And that helps the body slowly wake up. But like you said, for some people, they might not. They might not hear it or even it might put him back to sleep until it gets up to that You know a lot of the elements going on, but those are some ways that you can Musically, I feel obligated to say that since I'm a music therapist I think that's beautiful and that sounds really really like a much nicer way than I described but I also think it's from it's important to remember that again, this is on a spectrum, right?
Like on a continuum, you start small, right? You want to start soft. And then if that doesn't work, you work your way up to the ones that are more of a shock. So that might be something, you know, people should start to try with in the beginning. And then you tweak it based on what works, what doesn't work.
You don't have to go in full force. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just start off, start off small and then go from there. That's awesome. Um, well, thank you so much. Those are some great strategies for parents to try. But I also think, can I add one more thing? Yeah, for sure. And before also about getting them to fall asleep, um, that's a really good point too, right?
Cause we talked about like the wake up, but the falling asleep, like what could help kids with ADHD fall asleep? Right. Uh, because our brain is like. Running a muck and like, uh, a lot of people with ADHD, they have restless leg syndrome. So their legs are just like, they feel restless, you know, they're moving a lot or, you know, you feel tense.
And that's why you move a lot in the bed and change positions. Um, and so things that put like pressure. On. You can also, I mean, they help me. I know there's research that shows it. It's like ridiculous how little of a change it is. But like that weighted blanket blankets will increase kids sleep by like seven minutes.
It's, yeah. Nothing. Yeah. Yeah. But it's like, you know, if it helps them fall asleep, then go for it. If they, it makes sleep a little bit more. Enjoyable or inviting to them, then whatever works. Uh, but I think like with my clients and with me too, like things that apply pressure, things that have like sensory input.
So like, um, I have like a sleep mask that you can microwave and when you don't microwave it, it's like kind of cool. But it places like a lot of pressure on the head. Sometimes I'll even use that with kids who skin pick because a lot of them pick like at the back of their head. But it goes, there's space for the nose and then it goes around the bottom of your head.
So it covers that spot and it's like really tight. Um, So that or, you know, just something that lays on your eyes, like the bean bag one, um, and the other thing that sensory that helps people with ADHD, at least like concentrate. I don't know if there's research into sleep, but it definitely helps me as like the different kind of balances of noise.
So the, you know, there's white noise. I like Brown noise. Apparently there are all these colors of noises. So go explore them. But anything kind of Static can put you to sleep. Yeah. Yeah. I listen to, um, podcasts where people read Reddit posts when I go to sleep and that's how I fall asleep is just listen to those and it just puts me to sleep.
So definitely listening to things and listening when I listen to music. I guess listening to the brown noise would be better because then I want to analyze it. I took way too many years of music theory and having to analyze songs that like when I listen to songs I'm just like analyzing them the whole time.
Yeah, brown noise, white noise, binaural beats, all that kind of stuff I've heard is really great for people with ADHD. Are there any other resources that you have yourself that you would like to recommend or any other resources that you'd recommend for parents? Um, I don't know. I mean, we talked about things that can help them fall asleep, things that can help them wake up, um, medication option.
So no. And I also recommended a, um, an author. Yeah. Is there anything else? Yeah. No, those are all great. Just making sure there's nothing else. So, um, cool. And where can people find you online? Bye. Bye. Um, you, well, you can find me at my website, drgillycon. com, or I'm active on Instagram, drgillycon, when in doubt, it's drgillycon.
com. Dr. Gailey Conn. Just search Dr. Gailey Conn. You'll find you. Um, yeah, that's awesome. And I really enjoy your Instagram. I love your posts. I think I like everything and I comment on a lot of things. So I, I think they're very informative and also I relate to them a lot. So I love seeing what you post. Um, our last question is, what do you do for fun?
For fun writing. Yeah. And I think, you know, a lot of people don't believe me when I say that. Like, they'll be like, you know, well, well, the question is usually what do you do for self care, you know, or, and they'll say like, what, you know, like, go get a massage. First of all, I hate getting massages because you have to stay still and there's a stranger touching me.
Um, you're like, that's a gender and answer. Yeah. Yeah. I felt that way. Forever. And then all of a sudden, like something just switched in me where now I like massages, but I didn't want anyone to touch me growing up. It wasn't until I was like in my thirties. And my doctor was like, you have to get a massage because you're so tense.
Like, yes, I was having stroke symptoms because I was so tense in my back. And so he's like, you have to get a massage. So I learned to like them and now I like them because I don't have to go to the ER anymore for stroke symptoms. But I, yeah, I understand not liking massages. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting story.
Well, I guess it's something I got a massage too. I mean, I've only had maybe three in my life, but like the first time I got one, I remember it was sort of like in the movies or like in shows, you know, where they're just like, oh yeah, we're just like totally cracking and the person's just like, oh my goodness, you are so tense.
And I'm just like, don't touch me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I still like tense up when they touch me and they're like, are you okay? And I say, yeah, I'm fine. I'll relax. It's just, you're touching me. So I need a minute. Yeah. Funny. But anyway. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I love. Yeah. Love writing. I love listening to, to podcasts and it's, I mean, it's been like that for me since I was 14, you know, I was writing stories like books when I was 14 and, um, a lot of them were just about like psychological.
topics. Obviously, when you're younger, you're more interested in the severe psychopathology. So there was a lot of like schizophrenia, multiple personality disorder in there, associative identity disorder, now it's called. Um, but yeah, now it's a little bit less, I don't know, intense. But I don't know. I just, I love it.
It's a, it's a fun escape and honestly, um, it's hard to juggle. I think two of your interests, you'll find that when you're interested in two different things, like sometimes you'll go through periods where you need to invest more time in the other thing, like when I was studying psychology and, you know, working toward like my PhD, it took a lot of my time and my writing became a lot more academic because that's what I needed To do, uh, but it felt weird to me also because when people, you know, when I was in front of a new group and they would say, introduce yourself and say what you're interested in, I would say, I love writing.
And I felt like I was lying because I hadn't really been doing creative writing in a while because I just haven't had the time, but it was that other, you know, side of me, um, that I was extremely passionate about. And so it feels good to finally be at a place where. I could really devote my attention to.
Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. I love it. Um, well, thank you so much for being on the show today. We look forward to hearing you at our summit. And once again, if you want information about the summit, just go to the link in the show notes and you can sign up. It is free, um, with a 27 upgrade offer to be a VIP, but you can sign up for free and listen to Dr.
Gilly Khan and she will share amazing information with us. Yes. Thank you so much for coming on the show today, though. We really appreciate it. Of course. Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited for the summit too. And the topic is going to be really interesting. It's about peer relationships.
Yeah, for sure. I'm excited.
Well, Lauren, what were the highlights? What did you learn? Um, a lot, actually. Um, I, my kind of takeaways were more like, this is something my brain is frazzled. Um, she, she mentioned like, we were talking about like trying things. Oh, that doesn't work. Let's tweak it. I think that's in, she said for Paris, remember just because something doesn't work.
It's not an end all, whatever. Um, I think sometimes parents feel like, like, like to try something that didn't work and then they like get frustrated and then maybe it's like two steps backwards or whatever it might be. And so just a reminder that there are so many techniques and things out there and not everything is going to work and that's okay.
And not to feel defeated, um, and to just kind of tweak it, try the next thing, um, and then try it. Like, I always hear when I like suggest things, well, that's not going to work. How do you know? Yeah. If you haven't tried it, um, so just not, not being defeated when things like don't work when you, um, we try stuff.
Yeah. I like that because a lot of parents that I talk to will be like, well, we already tried that. We already tried that. And I'm like, have you tried everything in the world yet? Right. And I don't, that's kind of discouraging if you say that to parents, but. Or they'll say, that won't work. Well, why won't it work?
Because we tried this other thing and it didn't work. Well, I can guarantee you from my journey, just with myself and with my kids, once you, yeah, you try something and it doesn't work, but then something else, it seems like magic. That it magically works. And you don't know why it's working, but it's working.
And then also, sometimes things will be working and you'll be going along just fine and then it will stop working. So then you have to find something else. And that will happen. Yeah. Like kids grow, they change, like you change. Certain rewards don't work anymore. Yeah. Yeah. But it's so sad on those days when that actually happens, that the rewards stop working or your preventative measures stop working, like.
They have to go back to square one and start all over, but, and then some things that didn't work in the past will actually work in the future. So that's something to think about too, like if something stops working and then something that didn't work before, you might try it again and see if it works because that's happened also.
Yeah. I like it. Uh, I know we didn't talk too much about it, but she kind of mentioned it and just something to think about as well. Yeah. is like non recognized symptoms. Um, you know, we talk specifically about ADHD, but just in general, like sometimes like, I think I know this is, but like, I'm having symptoms that are not like me typical symptoms.
And so sometimes like we disregard that. And so it just wishing doctors were more open minded when we have the, the not typical in the box symptoms into like, this could be because of this. Um, and so. One of the doctors that my kids see, he, I said that my child had autism and he was like no he doesn't and he's not like an autism specialist, non developmental specialist, he's like another specialist, right?
He's like, he doesn't have autism, he makes eye contact and he talks to me. Okay, that's cool. I said, well, Yes, he is social, but he still has autism and he's like, I don't think so. Well, that's great for you, but he, he has it. It's that closed mindedness of, nope, it doesn't fit in the box. So it just can't be it.
They, they, it made eye contact. Like, why is that? That's the biggest thing. Like that I always hear, well, are they making eye contact when you talk? There are so many things we can ask and check for. There's so many other things, but. Um, yeah, I'm excited for her book. Yeah. It's supposed to come out in 2026, so it's a couple of years away, but I am super excited for it because that is basically it's for me.
It's my life. Right. I do the HD woman, late diagnosed. Interesting because I know so many, I mean, I say so many, but I mean, like, you know, Three or four, like adult women are now just like getting the diagnosis. And I know it's crazy to me that there wasn't stuff to like help sooner. That wasn't acknowledged sooner, especially like by medical professionals or whatever.
Yeah. I feel like with ADHD, they don't diagnose you with ADHD unless you're struggling in school as a child. And a lot of women that have ADHD actually did very well in school. They're superior maskers as well. Yeah. Even with like other diagnoses, like they don't like girls getting diagnosed with autism is again, they can be social and they mask really well and they make eye contact.
Yeah. Yeah. But you still have the issue. Yeah. And so it's kind of better cope better a little bit sometimes. So, yeah.
Don't worry. But, um, I enjoyed her. She was awesome. I really like her content on Instagram. So if you're on Instagram, go check her out because she has some amazing content and she's just very relatable and yeah, she's awesome. So thank you everyone for listening today. We appreciate you listening and sharing the show, writing reviews, however you want to support us and yeah, definitely check out the summit information in the show notes.
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