52 - Melissa Berger and Navigating a New Diagnosis 22/07/24

Navigating the journey of parenting a teenager with autism can be a uniquely challenging experience! Samantha's conversation with Melissa Berger sheds light on this intricate path, offering valuable insights for those embarking on this journey. Parenting a neurodivergent teenager is indeed a next-level experience, but with the appropriate resources, support, and mindset, it can also be immensely rewarding! Stay tuned!

Here's what to expect on the podcast:

• Melissa's fears regarding her teenager's future independence and life skills.

• What can parents do to prepare their neurodivergent children for college and build their independence?

• The three key pieces of advice for parents who have recently received an autism diagnosis for their child.

• Melissa's free meltdown workbook.

• And much more!

About Melissa:

Melissa’s passion is to help parents of autistic children feel fully supported as they go from surviving to thriving without wasting precious time. Melissa had a 30-year executive leadership career with Whole Foods Market. She is also a certified professional coach through the Co-Active Training Institute. Her work focuses on partnering with parents as they navigate their child’s autism diagnosis, including a 6-month coaching and support program Thriving with Autism, a comprehensive resource for parents in the first year of diagnosis. Outside of work, Melissa enjoys seeing Broadway shows with her daughter, laughing with her husband, playing pickleball, and walking with her beloved Golden Retriever Beau.

Connect with Melissa Berger!

Email: [email protected]

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-k-berger-cpcc-…

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=6155791169…

Connect with Samantha Foote!

Website: www.boisemusictherapycompany.com

Email: [email protected]

Consultation: https://letsmeet.io/boisemusictherapycompany/30-mi…

Neurodiversity in Harmony: A Summit for Empowered Parenting https://www.boisemusictherapycompany.com/registrat…

TRANSCRIPTION

Are you feeling overwhelmed by your child's unique needs? Wondering how to turn daily challenges into moments of growth? Discover answers at the Neurodiversity in Harmony, a Summit for Empowered Parenting, coming on September 13, 2024. Join us for a day filled with expert insights and real life stories from professionals and parents alike.

All dedicated to autism, ADHD, and other neurodivergent diagnoses. Learn about innovative, positive parenting strategies and gain a deeper understanding of how to support your child's unique journey. Connect with a community that understands and shares your experiences. Whether you're seeking new strategies or some reassurance, this summit is your gateway to an empowered parenting approach.

Seats are limited so don't miss out. Join our waitlist now to receive exclusive updates and registration details. Visit www. boisimusictherapycompany. com today to secure your spot. Embrace the journey of neurodiverse parenting with us. This podcast is for parents like you, navigating the world of neurodiversity with love and compassion.

I'm a neurodivergent mother of three amazing neurodivergent children and a board certified music therapist. Our mission is to create a supportive space where you feel understood, connected, and inspired. With practical tips, strategies, and resources, we'll help you and your child thrive in your unique way.

Join us as we dive deep into the diverse world of neurodivergent individuals exploring topics like ADHD, autism, dyslexia, sensory processing challenges, and more. We'll cover it all to empower, educate, and uplift both neurodivergent individuals and their families. And those who walk alongside them together will create a world where every brain is valued and celebrated.

We're excited to embark on this enlightening journey with you. We are your hosts samantha foot and lauren ross, and this is the every brain is different podcast

Welcome to the every brain is different podcast. We are here with melissa burger and melissa's Melissa's passion is to help parents of autistic children feel fully supported as they go from surviving to thriving without wasting precious time. Melissa had a 30 year executive leadership career with Whole Foods Market.

She is also a certified professional coach through CoActive Training Institute. Her work focuses on partnering with parents as they navigate their child's autism diagnosis, including a six month coaching and support program, Thriving with Autism, a comprehensive resource for parents in their first year of diagnosis.

Outside of work, Melissa enjoys seeing Broadway shows with her daughter, laughing with her husband, playing pickleball, and walking with her beloved golden retriever, Bo. Melissa, we are so excited to have you on the show. Welcome. Thank you. It's a, it's a pleasure to be here. I really appreciate the opportunity.

Awesome. I'm so excited. So can you tell us a little bit more about how you're involved in the neurodivergent community? Absolutely. Um, my involvement came at a, at a, interestingly, my daughter was diagnosed as, um, a 16 and a half year old, which is pretty unusual, although for girls, not so much unusual, I don't think.

Um, and. It came, it came at a time when, you know, the world was sort of shut down and falling apart. It was during COVID. Um, and it came about because her whole world just kind of got upside down and all of our support systems fell apart. And, um, initially we thought it was anxiety. And so she was seeing a therapist for anxiety and the therapist put her hand up and said, not my, I don't know what this is, but it's not my wheelhouse.

and referred us to an outpatient program. And so she met with a couple of psychologists and they very quickly made the assessment that it was autism. Um, and so that sent me on an 18 month quest to get her ready to go to college, to be successful at college, um, and to have all the resources and all the support that she needed to be able to do that.

Um, and so that's, that's sort of what happened is that I just dove in. Um, without really knowing what I was doing or how it was going to, you know, what it was going to look like and just slug my way through, you know, trying to get doctor's appointments, trying to get a neuropsych evaluation set up all the things.

Um, and I really didn't have time to think about what I needed. I was just focused on what she needed. And as I sort of came up for air after she went to school. I thought, okay. How do I help someone else in my shoes? What do I do? And that's where my program developed out of. Um, because I, I figured, you know, let's take my coaching experience and let's put it to good use.

Um, and let's also put together all the things that I have learned along the way so that I can help others. Yeah. Yeah. I appreciate that. Can you tell us some of the things that you did, um, what after she was diagnosed to help her? Um, the first thing that we did was to get the neuropsych evaluation to get the formal diagnosis because for the school system, we had to have something documented as many are familiar with.

Um, and. So doing that alone was a challenge. Uh, one place I called was 18 months to get an appointment. Another place was a year. Another place was, uh, nine months. And then finally, I'm not sure quite how it, I don't remember how I found him, but I found somebody working in, in, in an independent practice.

Who I talked to for 40 minutes and I, he said, okay, well, I could probably see your daughter. And I said, do you have a waiting list? And he didn't know what I meant. And so I said, well, do people ever cancel? Of course. Now what I know is no one would cancel because it's so hard to get an appointment. You would never give it up.

Um, but anyway, so he, he said, let me call you back in 20 minutes and he called back and he took her three weeks later. Which was outstanding. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so getting her set up with school, with supports and making sure that she had the freedom to walk out of classes. If it got too overwhelming, um, places to go to sort of decompress from all the, you know, sensory overloads and then, um, occupational therapy.

Um, which that alone is an amazing experience and story because we started with one of the big hospitals in this area and they were designed to work with little kids. And they had no idea how to interface with a, with a 16 year old and Sophie wasn't having any of it. Oops. I just said her name, but anyway, Sophie wasn't having any of it.

And so she, um, had a complete meltdown in the office and. Was screaming and yelling and saying things to me. I'd never heard her say before. And I was really like, Oh, we have hit the, we've hit the real wall here. So I took her, we left that appointment. Um, the therapist called me back and said, is there anything I can do?

And I said, no, I just have to find somebody that knows how to work with teenagers and we did, and then that got better, but you know, it was like that with everything, you know, she also had some co occurring, um, situations with, um, potential joint issues, hypermobility. Okay. Um, at one point there was talk about whether it was Ehlers Danlos, um, there was also horrible migraines that were part of her, her profile.

So she had some really big things that we had to figure out and also figure out what was it going to look like to live on her own at college without me. to help her pick up the pieces every night when she got home from school and was just burnt out and you know, totally in shutdown from the experience.

Um, and that was a big concern for me as what was it going to look like when she didn't have me, you know, in her back pocket, so to speak. Yeah. I think that's a big concern for a lot of parents of teenagers. Like their kid is getting ready to leave, but how are they going to survive on their own? You know?

Um, I don't know where I heard this story. It was, uh, Dai. Who, he left and he was like valedictorian, he got perfect, obviously got perfect grades. You know, did really well in school, and then he went to college, and he, like, did not do well at all. And so the parents were like, well, what, what changed? What's wrong?

And they had no idea about executive functioning skills, and so the person that was working with them was like, well, How are his executive functioning skills at home? How did he, like, did you manage his executive functioning skills, or did you, you know, Like let him manage him and they're like, well, we told him to do his homework We made sure he was doing his homework.

We made sure he was doing this. We made sure he's doing this He wasn't responsible for any of it And so the guy working with him was like, well, there's your answer like it's because you were doing everything He was doing the work, but you were managing his life. And so I think that's a really hard thing for parents to help their child learn to manage their own life and let them like kind of fail in high school or School and learn those skills so that they don't like get out of the house and then all of a sudden they're just they don't know what to do, you know, yeah, the whole the whole idea of how do you teach your child how to make good decisions.

And how do you encourage them to do that and know that when they tell you what they're going to do and you know it's going to fail. to step back and say, okay, go do it. And let's see what happens. And, you know, no one wants to see their child, you know, fall on their face or do anything. That's not going to be productive and build self esteem.

But if you don't, you never get them to a place where they can handle things on their own, you know, and that's what you're saying is the executive functioning thing. Like if you're over, if you're micromanaging every move they make, of course, they're going to fall apart when they get to school. Cause no one at school is going to do that for them.

Yeah, I can definitely tell you that. I went to college and it was like, and my parents didn't really micromanage anything. They just told me to get my work done, you know, when I was in high school and I was a very success oriented person. So I was like, I will get good grades because that's what, like, that's just.

That's who I am, you know, and then, but when I went to college, I think I got burned out in high school. And when I got to college, I was like, I don't even care if I get all A's anymore. I don't care. I dropped out of the honors program. Like all of that. I was like, I just want to get a degree and I like I had a scholarship, so I had to get, you know, above a 3.

5. So I think about like a 3. 6 or eight or something, but just, um, just learning to manage different things. And that it's okay. You know, in college to, you don't have to be perfect, but you do have to be like functional, I guess I should say. Absolutely. Absolutely. So my advice, I'm just going to say this. If you have a child who is success oriented, who is high anxiety, please just let them know.

It's okay if they don't accomplish everything and it's okay if they fail. My parents told me that many times they saw that I was getting like super anxious and they just said, Sam. It is fine if you're not valedictorian. You don't have to be valedictorian. I was like, no, I will do this but um, I really I just really appreciate my parents being like Our love is not going to change if you fail at something and getting a B is by no means failing.

And so that's just my random thought for the day. So no, I think it's important. I think it's important. Give your child the space to experiment and practice and see what the consequences are. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Um, what other like parenting strategies do you have for parents? What would you recommend to them if they just got the diagnosis?

I know you work with people who just get the diagnosis. So what do you recommend? You know, the first thing honestly is to just take a deep breath and know that you are exactly the parent that your child needs, loves, And, you know, it's going to be there for them. And the other thing to know is that, um, you're going to have lots of questions and you're going to have to make lots of decisions.

And just like your kid practicing decisions, you're going to make decisions and you might make mistakes. But that doesn't mean that you can't recover and it doesn't mean that you're a bad parent. Um, you know, parenting neurodivergent kids is next level. You know, there's no way around it. I mean, everybody, every parent has a difficult job, but when you compound it by adding, um, you know, a diagnosis to it, it gets even harder.

And it's important to just sort of take that moment to soak in and realize that you're providing everything that you need to provide. You're advocating for your child in every way that you can and that you're doing an awesome job and to really give yourself credit. Um, the other thing that I would highly encourage is getting support.

Um, you know, finding a community of parents who are in your shoes, if possible, would be ideal. Um, it's pretty easy to fall into feeling isolated and it's pretty easy to think. You know, I'm all alone on this. How do I do this? And to really fall into, you know, I don't want to say depression, but it can be, um, because it's a lot to take on and it's a lot to figure out and never mind.

If you're working full time and you have other kids that you're trying to balance and you've got your relationship with your partner, um, you know, it just keeps layering and getting harder. Um, but it doesn't mean that it can't be done. And that's the part that's important is that you can do this. Um, and you will succeed.

And then my third piece of advice that I really wholeheartedly believe in my toes to my head is to trust your gut. And what I mean by that is if there's a therapy approach or if there's a provider that makes you pause or your child is reacting to them, listen to your instincts and potentially find another resource or figure out what's not working in the dynamic if you can.

But know that your, your senses as a, as a mom or as a parent is, they're good and your spidey senses are going to support you in figuring out how to best serve your child. Yes. All those are such great things. Um, I definitely think that it's okay to question a therapist, whether it's like occupational therapy, music therapy, counseling.

speech therapy. There are so many therapies. Um, but it's okay to question them and it's okay to say, you know, I really, I really think that we should take this approach or I think we should do this. And if they're not a right fit, then they're not a right fit and that's okay. I had an occupational therapist that said my son could not participate in occupational therapy until he got behavioral therapy because he was not.

Doing what was asked. She's like, we can't do therapy because he's not doing what was asked. Well, he was in Occupational therapy because he was overwhelmed all the time and he was dysregulated So occupational therapy was supposed to help teach him how to be regulated and she was like he's too dysregulated No, she didn't say he was dysregulated She just said that he was acting defiant because he could and I'm like first of all No child does that.

There's a reason behind the behavior. And so we left and one of therapists that I used to actually work with had some openings and we went to her and his whole world changed. He is so much calmer now and he goes to therapy and And she just works with him on how to help him when he's overwhelmed. And just that change in therapist, it's both, it's the same exact therapy, it's both occupational therapy, but this occupational therapist understands PDA, which he has, or he's suspected to have, we don't have like an official diagnosis, but she understands PDA, she understands how to take the approach.

not to make demands on him, like how to make demands on him in a way that he's not going to rebel against it. And I think that's just so important. Like if a therapist is saying something you don't agree with, it's okay to fire them. They are not the end all be all. You can fire them and it's okay. You can, and the reason sometimes that parents are hesitant to do so is that it's very difficult to find talented professional therapists.

And so it's, it's that, do you give up the thing, you know, that's not working necessarily as well as it could and go without for a little while until you can find the next thing. And as scary as it is, my suggestion is, is that you're better off to not be working with somebody who's not effective or who doesn't have the right chemistry with your kid.

Because that'll actually potentially set you back. And so you're better to be without and then find. And if you close the door, the door's open. So you'll be able to find somebody. Um, and you know, networking that's again, where, you know, finding the support, being able to ask other parents, who do you go to and, and who's been really good for you?

Um, my best leads on all the things I needed came off of other parents. You know, it wasn't the, the medical professionals, unfortunately, it was other parents who had been where I was and knew who to go to. Yeah, for sure. I recommend to people who are diagnosed in Idaho, there's a group called Idaho Autism Moms and that is just a fantastic group, whether you just need to come and you need to vent about something that happened.

You want to celebrate a win that nobody else is going to understand, like, Hey, my kid played with someone in the park today and didn't pretend to be dead. Um, or like they played appropriately or whatever, um, they, they just, they get it. And then you can trust their answer when you say, who do you recommend?

Because they've been through it. And I just think that's so important to have a community that gets you and understands you. Absolutely. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. For sure. Uh, it's just so helpful. And then I know a lot of parents, um, that they don't have a support system. They don't know where to find a support system.

And so they rely on the therapist for, to be their support, to give them a break if they need a break. And I think that's another reason why it's so hard to maybe get rid of a therapist that isn't working as well as it should, because you need that person to talk to. You need that person to lean on. You need that person to take your kid for 45 minutes so you can just do some self care, you know?

Um, so I do understand that that's a barrier, and there are some So like the wait lists are so long for therapists. Um, but just when you find a good one, they can be life changing. Yeah, absolutely. And, and, you know, to deal with the wait lists sometimes, depending on who's referring you, they sometimes have pull.

And so if they call and say, I'm referring so and so to you, because I know that you can help their daughter or their son, that also sometimes helps not always, but sometimes. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. It's all in the networking. Yes. No, so much about who you know, but it's also about asking really good questions and being really curious.

Um, and never being afraid to ask, you know, for more. Um, I'm just right now thinking of the insurance company, you know, managing the whole wild ride of the insurance company and, you know, You know, figuring out how to maneuver the system and how to work it and how to get to people. And the part of how you do that is you just keep saying, um, no, I don't understand that.

Can you explain that again? Or how can I get this covered or what do I have to do to get this covered? Um, sometimes they say no flat out, but often if you keep pushing, you can get to somebody who will figure out how to help you. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And I know, um, for the States had the Katie Beckett program for Medicaid, um, parents will apply.

And they'll get denied, and then they'll apply again with the same exact information, and they'll get approved. And so, I'm just saying, if you are applying for like Medicaid or anything else, and you get denied, and it's not because of your income, keep trying, because I was told, buy Medicaid. Yeah, sometimes we just do this, uh, we make it hard.

So that parents won't want to do it and then we don't have to spend the money and I I think that's horrible but that's just what happens the process is hard for a reason and I do it like I'm just like I'm gonna beat the system and show them so I'm gonna get the help I need you know, but it is so hard because Like doctors like you were saying before doctors don't really tell you about the resources that are out there You They, when my son, when my first son was diagnosed, we just got, Hey, here's a pamphlet about autism speaks and no other resources.

And then when my other kids got diagnosed, we were given a bunch of resources, but I'm like, okay, how do we pay for this? Like no, there was no mention of Medicaid. There was no mention of Katie Beckett, none of that. But if you're on that program, then it pays for everything, you know? And so I know that's another barrier to getting the support you need is.

Pay like, how are you going to afford all this? So if you can get on those programs, I think it's so beneficial. And for those who are wondering what, sorry, I'm sorry, I was just going to say, and what's also interesting is to hear things like what you just said, which further underscores what I'm saying, which is, is that you don't take no for an answer.

You just keep pushing. And You know, yeah, you get denied don't to try it again, but but here's the other problem with all of this is it takes time takes a lot of time. And if you're a parent, again, who's working full time and trying to juggle all of this, you know, it's like there, there's only so much time and so if you get denied it's, it's possible that you'll say, oh, okay, I got denied.

But the reality of it is, is that like you're saying, you got to keep pushing and you got to keep trying and you got to call and say, wait, why did we get denied. And then, you know, see what happens from there. Yes, um, do you have any recommendations for parents who maybe are having to be resilient and are maybe getting a little down trodden?

I guess that's the word I'm trying to say. Yeah, um, so. I think it's important and I, I didn't do this always as well as I would have liked, but I think it's important to as often as you can sit down and think about what was the wind today. Was it that my child played with another child at the playground and they didn't play dead.

Was it that I was able to find somebody who can get me to an occupational therapist that will be able to help my child, or. Is it simply that we sat through a meal at the table without, you know, things flying whatever it happens to be, but to notice and to write down what those things are so that on the darkest days, you can go back and read it and say, Oh, look at that.

Look at that. Look at that. And it doesn't take, you know, again, it doesn't take a lot of time, take five minutes, two minutes, even to just jot down one or two things and it's okay if it's not like monumental. In fact, it's actually better if it's not because then you can see the incremental progress. Um, but I think it's also just really important to have someone in your life that you can talk to, you know, talk about things with whether it's a therapist, if you're able to, whether it's your partner, if there's a open ability to do that, whether it's a dear friend.

Whether it's another mom or, you know, even whether it's your, your own mom or your mother in law or whomever in your life is a sort of, you know, adult that you might be able to chat with, but not sitting by yourself, you know, opening up and saying, I need some help. Or I just need an ear or I need whatever.

Um, I had a dear friend who I used to call on a pretty regular basis and just say, can I just, can I just dump from it? And she would just listen. And she was so encouraging and so supportive that it made those days that were really rough, a little bit easier. But don't isolate yourself is really my best suggestion.

Yes, absolutely. Um, I think it was a couple of years ago. I was going through a really hard time. Like there's just like things mounting and mounting and then the therapies and like all that stuff, you know? And my aunt found out that I heard that I was having a hard time and she called me and she was like, anytime you need to talk, just call me.

And I, Sometimes I would call her, but she would make sure if I hadn't called her like in a couple days or something, she would call me and be like, okay, how are you doing, you know, and I was just so grateful for that, that I knew that if I didn't call her, that she would call and just check just to make sure that I'm okay, you know, and when she called me like, yeah, I'm fine.

And, you know, things are going well. She said, okay, You know, just checking, just making sure everything's good. And I was just so grateful for that. So yeah. And I mean, I, I can talk to my mom and I could talk to other friends, but it was just kind of different with her. Like it was, I knew that no matter what she would call and make sure that I was okay.

I had an amazing professor in college who I was taking, I had to go out on a leave and I left school for a year and then I came back. But while I was out, he would call me every now and again, and he would say, this is a one minute love call. And that's literally what it was just a minute to say, hello, I love you.

I'm thinking about you. And I look forward to seeing you come back. And those were like so important and so valuable to me. Um, cause so I guess what I'm trying to say is it doesn't take much, you know, but just to know that someone else is thinking of you. You're very lucky to have your aunt. Oh yeah.

She's, she's amazing. Um, all my aunts are pretty amazing, but I don't know. There's just like a special bond with her. So they used to worship her as a child. So, um, yeah. What resources do you have for parents? Sure. So I, um, one of the things that I really struggled with the most with my daughter was meltdowns.

I didn't, I didn't understand what was happening. I just knew that, you know, something was very wrong. And I also knew that I had to figure out instinctively how to get her through and how to help her get regulated again. So I put together a workbook, um, which is available on my website and you can download it for free.

And it's, you know, it's a guide to sort of walk you through what is a meltdown. How do you, what, what are the things that might be, um, give you the idea that one is coming on. What are the things that might help you while you're in the moment? And then what are the things that you can do post meltdown to try to figure out how to, you know, prevent is a strong word that I'm not going to use that word, but how to just sort of shift it.

So maybe they aren't, aren't as frequent. Um, so that's available. And I encourage anybody that would like support with meltdowns and, you know, figuring out how to work through them to go ahead and get it. And you can get it easily by just typing in. Meltdownworkbook. com, and it will pop up and then you can sign up and get your copy.

Awesome. That is so easy. I love it. And our last question is, what do you do for fun? Um, so you gave it away in my intro, but I'll, I'll share it again. So, you know, laughter is one of my favorite anecdotes for all of the stresses of parenting in general. And I am fortunate to have a husband who is very creative and very funny and provides lots of comic relief Um, he, he'll probably kill me for sharing this.

But he, um, does voiceovers for the dog. So he will tell me what the dog is saying. And, and it's very funny. Um, and so we do a lot of laughing with that, which is really helpful. I think laughter is a really, uh, you know, useful tool. Um, my daughter is. She's very interested in Broadway. She wants to be a stage manager on Broadway and is studying that right now in school.

And so she's always telling me about the latest musicals and the latest plays. And once a year we try to get down to New York City. To see shows. And then we also see local theater when we can. Um, and you know, being outside walking the dog or sitting quietly by myself in my chair, knitting are really great ways for me to sort of re um, rebuild and rejuvenate and, you know, build up my, um, my tank, I guess is what I would describe it as.

And so those are things I like to do. Yeah, those are all amazing. I went to New York City a couple years ago and because I'm like on the other side of the country It was so cool. My cousin and I we only went to one show and we're like the next time we come to New York City We are only going to Broadway shows the whole time.

So , it was really funny. Yes. But um, but yeah, I love that. I love that you can do, you have multiple things, so definitely that is important. And before you go, you will be at our summit in September and I thank you. I'm so excited, um, to have you. And I just wanna give a shout out that if you want more, Melissa, she will be at our summit.

She's giving a five minute presentation. And a 20 minute, um, A 20 minute presentation that will be recorded. So you'll have access to that and then a five minute live presentation, then hosting a 20 minute breakout room. So if you have more questions for her, that would be a great opportunity to come. Um, it's on September 13th and I'm super excited for it.

So she will be joined by some other professionals and parents. Um, so definitely check out our website, everybrainisdifferent. com for that. And you can sign up for the wait list right now. So I'm very excited. So great. Thank you so much. I'm really excited. That's great. Yeah. I'm excited that you came on today.

You'll be at our summit and you just have, you just gave great information today. So thank you so much for coming. Thank you. Thank you for having me.

What'd you think, Lauren? That's what I ask you every time. I know, I know. And I love it. Um, I, I think that she's going to be a really good resource for parents who are. Getting that, you know, this is, I have a diagnosis for my child all of a sudden. Um, I, I think we talked about this often with many people, uh, get help, um, find your community, um, get that support.

And you absolutely do not have to go it alone, um, at all. Like there's, there's community out there for you who are been through the same thing can help you navigate. Um, and it's just not being afraid to, to look and or ask. Um, so I appreciate that. Um, she kind of in talking, she kind of mentioned, uh, and you kind of talked about it, how that family, like there's some kind of struggled in college because.

You know, they performed and I'll manage all of those things for him before and I think it's really important to remind people that sometimes we need to allow the opportunity to risk failure, um, for our kids, um, and that it's important because that is how we learn and grow. And if we don't get to experience that, then we kind of, when it does inevitably happen, we don't know what to do.

Um, and so we, we can't baby and hold hands all the time. And so we need that, the opportunity to risk failure. So I really like that. Um, I think we should all start doing one minute love calls. Uh, yeah, yeah. Our one minute love calls to check in with our loved ones. Um, especially if you, you think they're struggling, uh, with whatever in life.

Uh, so that little tidbit that was just mentioned, I thought was fantastic. And just a reminder that it's sometimes we need to be the ones that initiate because we are overwhelmed. We don't know how to ask for help or whatever. And so I think a one minute love call can be really, can be really beneficial.

Oh yeah, for sure. I send, uh, text messages to people and I'm just like, cause, you know, I don't want to bother them if they're not, not wanting a phone call. But I don't like when people call me, that's funny that I do that because I love it when people call me and I love getting like random phone calls from family and friends.

From like other people. No, no, thank you. But if it's a family or friend, I'm like, yes, they're calling me, but I feel like if I called them, they would say, Oh, why are you calling me? Stop bothering. My dad actually like he gets so annoyed when people call him. And so he's like, why don't you ever call me? You always call your mom.

I'm like, yeah, because I see how annoyed you get when people call you. He's like, well, I wouldn't do that if you called me. It's terrible people that are calling me. Okay. He's like, I don't like the people that are calling me like all the time. It's funny. Yes. The love. The love call. I love that. And so, and it's so important if someone's struggling just to get that call, just to know that someone is thinking of them, I think would be really beneficial.

Not even if it's like a text message, like, Hey, checking in. No, I love you. I'm here if you need me. Like it doesn't have to be super crazy. Uh, and I was just looking at my notes. One other thing with when you're trying to get what you need done for your child, getting resources, finding therapies, all of that fun stuff, being persistent.

Not giving up. Uh, I remember, uh, back in our, when we actually worked together, uh, we went to conferences, um, and there was one speaker and I remember this all the time and they use it frequently. And she said to use, ask, what will it take? What will it take to get this for my child? What will it take for this to happen?

What will it take for whatever? It makes the other party like, you can't just say no or yes, they kind of have to, you know, elaborate and, and kind of give answers and then sometimes that's stuff that's actionable that you can do to then get what you need. And so I think if we can kind of use that little trick every now and then, it might be helpful.

So, for sure, that I'm just like, can I have this or is this possible. Yeah. Don't don't what will it take because it is it's just people need to be willing to put out the effort. Um, I think most of the time for stuff. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I love that. Um, I don't remember anything for conferences that I go to.

So that's awesome. I remember that was like, there's two speeches that I remember and that one was one of them and I use it frequently instead of just asking, I just go to my boss, what will it take? Yeah, I love that. I do remember. I think about it more. Yeah. Yeah. I do remember Temple Grandin's. Uh, talk when we went and she was just ranting about how people don't take neurodivergent people seriously and just think they can't do anything.

And she's like, get them out of their rooms, get them, stop having them play video games. They can be, uh, functional, successful, like addition to society. And she's like, ranted about that. This is amazing. And she's like, just because they have autism doesn't mean they can't work. Doesn't mean they can't contribute.

Like, she's like, just get them off their video games. They just, they just do it in different ways. And yeah, I love it. That just popped into my brain. I thought that was so cool. And she said that. So, yeah. And if you're looking for community, I know a lot of people. They don't have family and they don't have a lot of friends that get it.

A lot of people when they get a diagnosis, their family doesn't believe them or, Oh, it's not that bad or whatever. Um, I've heard about that a lot. And if you're looking for like support groups, there are support groups online. I know that PDA North America does support groups. I'm leading a support group for PDA North America.

And then also our Parenting with Confidence membership you have. community within that, within that program. So definitely check into that if you're looking for that. Um, there's always, you know, Facebook groups. Um, but I understand it can be very hard when your family is like, that's, that's not a real thing or it's not as bad as you're saying it is or that kind of stuff.

And that's not helpful. So. Well, and then it makes you as a parent feel like there's something more wrong when it's just that your child is different. Yeah, yeah, and it's unfortunate that loved ones don't want to recognize that and it's not necessarily a bad thing. So yeah, or I think they're trying to make you feel better.

Like, oh, it's not that bad. They don't present like someone who has autism. What does that even mean? No, stop it. That's not helpful. Just stop it. But I think that's what a lot of people are like trying to make you feel better. Like, oh, they're not, they're not, They're not as bad as like other people with autism, you know, and I'm like, stop it.

Um, so if you're a family member doing that, stop it. Okay, right now. Yeah. Well, thanks everyone for listening. We'll be back next week and happy summer. Thank you for listening to this episode. We hope the discussion on neurodiversity has provided you with some Support, understanding, and inspiration. If you found our podcast valuable, please share it with others who may benefit from our insights and leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts.

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