51 - Elisabeth Stitt and Learning Strategies 15/07/24
Understanding and tailoring each child's unique learning style is crucial for their development, but teachers and parents often overlook it! Join Samantha as she engages in a conversation with Elisabeth Stitt about various learning strategies that can be employed to cater to children's diverse needs. Taking the time to understand and identify what your child needs to succeed is essential! Stay tuned!
Here's what to expect on the podcast:
How can teachers and parents recognize each child's unique learning style and needs?
Elizabeth's detailed approach to assigning chores to children at home.
Implement best teaching practices that benefit all students rather than singling out individual accommodations.
The importance of developing children's executive functioning and metacognitive skills.
And much more!
About Elisabeth:
With over 50,000 hours of interacting with children, Elisabeth Stitt has seen all kinds of kids, all kinds of parents, and all kinds of families. She was the Coachesfoundation.com Coach of the Year in 2021 and was recently featured in a San Francisco Examiner article entitled "11 Leading Parenting Coaches to Rely on in 2024.
Connect with Elisabeth Stitt!
Website: https://www.elisabethstitt.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joyfulparentingcoaching/
Middle School Moms Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/MiddleSchoolMoms/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joyfulparentingcoaching/
Sign up for Elisabeth's Blog at https://www.elisabethstitt.com/newsletter-signup
50 Ways to Connect to Your Child ebook https://joyfulparentingcoaching.com/50-ways-to-con…
Connect with Samantha Foote!
Website: www.boisemusictherapycompany.com
Email: [email protected]
Consultation: https://letsmeet.io/boisemusictherapycompany/30-mi…
Neurodiversity in Harmony: A Summit for Empowered Parenting https://www.boisemusictherapycompany.com/registrat…
TRANSCRIPTION
Are you feeling overwhelmed by your child's unique needs? Wondering how to turn daily challenges into moments of growth? Discover answers at the Neurodiversity in Harmony, a Summit for Empowered Parenting, coming on September 13, 2024. Join us for a day filled with expert insights and real life stories from professionals and parents alike.
All dedicated to autism, ADHD, and other neurodivergent diagnoses. Learn about innovative, positive parenting strategies, and gain a deeper understanding of how to support your child's unique journey. Connect with a community that understands and shares your experiences. Whether you're seeking new strategies or some reassurance, this summit is your gateway to an empowered parenting approach.
Seats are limited. So don't miss out. Join our waitlist now to receive exclusive updates and registration details, visit www. boisimusictherapycompany. com today to secure your spot. Embrace the journey of neurodiverse parenting with us. This podcast is for parents like you navigating the world of neurodiversity with love and compassion.
I'm a neurodivergent mother of three amazing neurodivergent children and a board certified music therapist. Our mission is to create a supportive space where you feel understood, connected, and inspired. With practical tips, strategies, and resources, we'll help you and your child thrive in your unique way.
Join us as we dive deep into the diverse world of neurodivergent individuals exploring topics like ADHD, autism, dyslexia, sensory processing challenges, and more. We'll cover it all to empower, educate, and uplift both neurodivergent individuals and their families. And those who walk alongside them together will create a world where every brain is valued and celebrated.
We're excited to embark on this enlightening journey with you. We are your hosts samantha foot and lauren ross, and this is the every brain is different podcast
Hello everyone and welcome to the every brain is different podcast. We are here with elizabeth stitt And with over 50, 000 hours of interacting with children, Elizabeth has seen all kinds of kids, all kinds of parents, and all kinds of families. She was the CoachesFoundation. com Coach of the Year in 2021 and was recently featured in a San Francisco Examiner article entitled 11 Leading Parenting Coaches to Rely on in 2024.
That is super impressive, Elizabeth. Thank you so much for being here. Welcome. Thank you. Thank you. Welcome. Yeah. Yeah, can you tell us a little bit more about how you're involved in the neurodivergent community? Good question. You know, I mean, I think that, uh, I taught in a, in a school for academic, it was academic magnet gifted and talented school.
So lots of, um, twice exceptional kids, high IQs, learning disabilities or challenges. And you know what we kept finding over and over and then there were kids in the mix who were just, um, high performers. But mostly, um, it was a lot of square pigs and round holes. And, you know, what we found over and over and over was that, uh, good teaching is good teaching.
And when we teach with multiple modalities and we're flexible and we engage children in conversations about learning, as opposed to just about subject matter, uh, we're benefiting all kids. So there's that. And then in the parent coaching world, which I've been doing for 10 years now,
kids have changed. The way that kids are being raised has changed their exposure to screens, their brains have changed. So again, we are just dealing with a different ball of wax than we were 10, 20, 30 years ago. Yeah, that's true. Um, I was listening to this thing that was saying that how to use screens in a positive way.
Because they're here and everyone's like, Oh, we shouldn't use screens for parenting because, or with kids, because it's making them not do things that they did 30 years ago, while 30 years ago, kids were doing things that they weren't doing 30 years before that. So how can we embrace the technology? How can we, you know, like embrace new things, but also not let it run our lives and not let it.
Go like to the extreme, you know, so, but I, I definitely agree. Like it's a, kids are being raised differently. Like I know I'm definitely raising my kids differently than I was raised for sure, just cause you have a whole different world that you're raising them in. So yeah, that, um, Definitely. So, what, um, parenting strategies do you recommend for parents?
Like, what's something that you really, one of the things that you recommend to parents when they're parenting neurodivergent kids? Well, um, creativity comes to mind. Uh, you know, I mean, one of the things that makes me a valuable teacher and a valuable parenting resource is that I have a really deep bag of tricks.
So, you know, when you come, I'm going to pull out the trick, which has worked with 90 percent of my students. And when you go, no way, that's not going to work. I'm going to say, okay, let's go over the next one. And somewhere in there, we're probably going to find something which does work. So
with all children, we have goals and we have an expectation of where they're going to get the And I hope that all parents, Oh, look at that. That's fine. With all learners, I hope that what we're going to do is say, like, this is the goal. This is what we're working towards. And at the same time, this is where you are.
And so we're going to look to see where are you as a learner, who are you as a learner, and we're going to recognize that the path is going to look different. For different kids, you know, I really want to emphasize this, that if you have two non neurodivergent children in your family, you still have two different children.
Yes, they still have different preferences, different, uh, modalities in which they learn different needs. And so as much as possible, and the nice thing about, you know, parenting is that you don't have 30 kids whose needs you have to meet. You have two or three or four kids. And so I hope that there is the room for that flexibility, the room to say that.
And of course you have to talk it a lot through your kids. You know, you may, um, require more responsibility from one child than you do for another child. And of course the child who has more responsibility may be resentful of that. And it's, you know, sitting down and saying, you are, have to work as hard.
at your three tasks as your sibling has to work at the one task. So, you know, if we're going by how hard is it for you to remember, to take responsibility, to follow through, to actually do it, I'm both giving you appropriate responsibilities. I think it's important to explain that to kids like I explained to my nine year old, you know, you have these chores to do well, and he says, well, you know, my brother doesn't have to do that.
And I'm like, because you're older, because you can do more things. And if you explain it to them, they're generally okay with it. It's where you just say, you know, Do that because I said to do it or you're going to do this because I said so. Um, Lauren and I were talking about in that in the previous episode that we're like we hate that when people say that like just do it because I said so.
Where if you explain it to kids and they understand they're more likely to do what you're asking them to do because it makes sense to them. Where if you didn't explain it they're just like well this isn't fair. Because they don't understand, like, they don't understand that they're different than their sibling, and they have different capabilities than their siblings do.
Right. But let's, let's take a kid who's, um, oppositional. Mm hmm. Know that a good technique for kids who are oppositional is, um, sort of emotional coaching, questioning, and planning through getting their buy in. It's a perfectly good technique with every child. Mm hmm. Right. So one of the ways that let's just use chores as an example, since most families I hope are having their kids do chores, you know, one of the ways that I handle chores is I have a chore analysis chart and it's a spreadsheet that's, uh, can be modified by each family and you list all the chores that you can think of and you really break it down into as many discrete tasks as you can think of.
So, you know, getting dinner on the table has about 15 tasks. By the time you, you say, what am I looking at the calendar? What are our needs this week? What are the looking at recipes thinking what's going to work for this week, looking in the cupboard to say, what ingredients do we already have? What ingredients do we need?
Writing the shopping list, doing the shopping, unloading the shopping, putting it in the cupboard, doing the sous chef activities, right? You get my picture here. And so when I listed out that way, and then I have columns of saying, You know, what are you fully capable of doing unsupervised? What are you capable of doing supervised?
What are you capable of learning to do? And, you know, what could you do with somebody or, you know, as, as an assistant? And then what, what do you want to do? So when we have every family member go through and to analyze that, it does a
It helps kids to come to some realization of what we're making look super easy and smooth. They have no idea how much the behind the scenes there has been in order to make that happen. Like one meal on the table is a lot of behind the scenes steps. So it helps them to realize that and to see that, but it also gives them choice and it gives them some ownership and some sense of like, Ooh, what can I learn?
What do I want to learn? And probably in the short run, if nobody wants to clean toilets, I would just clean the toilets in order to get them to be in the flow and the sense of it feels good. It feels good to be capable and competent, and it feels good to contribute to the family because we have, um, I'm important, right?
Think about those four basic needs. Am I safe? Am I important? Am I capable? Do I have power? So I'm important because I'm contributing to my family. I'm capable because I can do it myself. I know, I know how to, I know how to cut vegetables. I know how to scrape the carrots or to whatever that's called. Peel the carrots?
Peel the carrots. Thank you. Um, and then when we come to them this way with the, this, these are all the things that have to be done. What would you like to sign up for? We're now giving them choice and choice gives us power. This is a powerful technique for any child. Now, of course you may have a kid who's, if you have a kid who is overwhelmed by detail, don't use this technique.
Like maybe you pick a category and you bring it, you know, you, you have the number of. Of responsibilities, or you pick out the five that you think that that child might be able to do. Right? So you, you might have to manage the task if it's too overwhelming. Yeah. Um, but the basic elements of, I have power because I get to choose.
I'm becoming capable because I either already know how to do something or can learn how to do something. And I'm important because my family needs me. Yes, I love that. Do you feel like you're failing as a parent of a neurodivergent child? You're tired of cookie cutter advice that doesn't work for you or your child's unique needs.
Do you feel like you're navigating this journey alone? You aren't alone. Join us now. It's each month for the Parenting Power Sessions, Autism and ADHD, where you'll discover not just support, but real, actionable strategies tailored to the unique needs of your family. Every second Wednesday of the month at noon, Mountain Time, we explore topics like positive discipline strategies.
Understanding neurodivergence and enhancing self-regulation skills for you and your child. Each session includes 20 minutes of expert led teaching, followed by a 10 minute q and a where you get answers to your most pressing questions. Best of all, it's completely free. Sign up today. Join the community of parents just like you who are ready to transform their challenges into strengths.
Visit www.boisemusictherapycompany.com to register. It's time to feel empowered as a parent. I would say one other thing when kids are doing chores is let them do it how they do it, even if it's not how you would do it. If they get the job done, let them do it that way and don't just correct them the whole time they're doing it because then they're not They're not going to do it.
You know, so for example, this morning, I was thinking about this. I cleaned my house and I did it in the most ADHD way possible. Like I started in the bathroom, like, okay, I'm going to clean the bathroom and something had to go get put away. And so I left and I noticed a table. I'm like, Oh my gosh, that table is so full of stuff.
I need to clear off the table. And I completely forgot about the bathroom. And then I was putting something away and I walked past the bathroom and I was like, The bathroom, I need to clean the bathroom. And so then I forgot about the table and I was just thinking about it. And if my mom saw the way that I was cleaning, she'd be like, what are you doing?
Cause she is very orderly and does things in a certain order, but I, I got everything done and everything is clean now, but I did it in just a very scattered way. And so if the job is getting done. Let them do it how they're going to do it. And I'm not saying my mom would have corrected me. I'm just saying, I just wonder what she would have thought while she was watching me doing that.
Yeah, exactly. Well, and one of the things that I like to do for my scattered brain is I like to have a notebook and I keep a notebook and a pencil in my back pocket and I often will write down clean the bathroom. Right. And then as I'm noticing the laundry sitting on the couch, then I'm like fold the laundry.
Because at the end of the day, I want some credit, right? Like, because you can start so many tasks and not finish any of them. And you'll think, what did I do all day? I didn't get anything done! But by writing it down, I realized like, yeah, no, I cleaned some of the bathroom, and I folded some of the clothes, and I got the vacuum cleaner out, right?
Like, yay me! Yeah, yeah. What was that, Lauren? I said, take the small wins. Oh, for sure. For sure. Yeah. Take the small wins. Yeah. Yeah, so, yeah, especially when you're parenting and you're trying to do chores with kids. Um, I think it's important to realize the small wins, even if your child does something like, let's say you ask them to clean the bathrooms and the bathroom does not look that clean, but they did their very best, like thank them and do not redo it in front of them.
Um, just. Let it go for a little bit and then you can clean it later. Like it's fine. It's fine. Set them up for success. I used to, I used to have this frustration in my classroom that, you know, I would go like, okay, we've got five minutes, you guys let's clean up. And I'm thinking there are 30 people, we can get a lot done.
And inevitably, they would start to fool around and start to play around. And I would get super snippy, and resentful. And then, I was like, duh, they don't know how to clean a classroom. And so I would begin to say, okay, raise your hand if you can think of A cleanup task and, you know, and I would write it on the board and then I would do things like I'd walk towards the electric pencil sharpener with, that was overflowing with shavings and I'd be like,
and inevitably some smart cookie. would raise their hand and go like, Oh, we should clean out the shavings. Okay. Go write that on the board. And then I would look down at all the shavings that had fallen on the floor.
And some other smart cookie would be like, Oh, we should sweep the floor. Yeah. Yes. You guys. Yeah. And you know, by that way, we would build up the list and, and. As a parenting coach, I am very influenced by my time in the classroom because I still have a very strong emphasis on developing critical thinking and problem solving and with our neurodivergent kids it Life's going so fast and there's so much to do.
It is so easy to just be their prefrontal cortex
I had a, I had a client last fall whose son was valedictorian at a Silicon Valley high school. He was then a freshman at UCLA when the parents called me and they were worried because this kid who was valedictorian was gaming, was sports betting, was staying up late, sleeping late. Thank you. You know, not doing, doing anything.
And they were just so worried. And I asked them, I said, how did he handle his studies ninth through 12th grade? And they're like, well, you know, no, he's, he's, he's a really good student. He did a really good job. I said, so by really good student, you mean he found out his assignments and he managed them and he figured out how to study for his tests.
Oh, no, we were pretty much on him every day and helping him, you know, balance out what to do and how to study and helping him study. And so I was like, so when I say, how did he manage his studies? He didn't really manage his studies. You managed his studies. And the tag was like, yeah, I guess we were his prefrontal cortex.
Oh no. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And as far as I know, this wasn't a neurodivergent kid. This was just a kid whose parents had way over parented him. And they hadn't realized that our number one job is not to have him make the grade in any one class in any one semester. Our number one job is to help him develop his initiative skills, his critical thinking skills, his, his, um, organizational skills, his time management skills, right?
All those executive functioning skills. together with knowing who am I as a learner? What are my strategies as a learner? Right? So between executive functioning and metacognition, that's where we should be focusing our energy as parents, especially pre high school, since none of the grades count, right?
Actually why I wanted to teach middle school. I'm a single subject teacher. I didn't want to be responsible for everything. Yeah. And so teaching sixth through eighth grade. When the grades don't count meant that I could, I could, you know, I could put a lot less emphasis on grades. I could be pretty flexible on grades.
One of the things it meant again, like going back to our very first tour for kid A tour for kid B was that, you know, I would look at Lauren and I would say, Lauren, I want a five paragraph essay on this with good supporting quotes for each paragraph and a good opening and a good conclusion. And I would look at Samantha and I say, Samantha, I want.
a really good opening paragraph. Well, why is that fair? Why can Samantha earn a hundred points and just turn in a really good opening paragraph? Whereas Lauren is being asked to do the whole kit and caboodle. Why is that fair? It's fair because it's what Lauren needs and that's what Samantha needs. And in middle school, I could get away with that as a teacher.
Yeah. Because after all, the grades aren't going to keep somebody from. Some honor or some, you know, entrance into college or something, right? Like, how can I say that you both got A's without doing a lot of lengthy explanation of saying Sam's A is based on this. Laura's A is based on this. So, but in middle school I can, nobody's looking at the grades except the parents and the kids.
So I can 100 percent do that. Yeah, that's awesome. I love that you did it. That way, um, because you're right. Not all kids are the same. They all can't do the same things. And it's not, it's really not fair to expect them to do the same things when they're having different brains, you know? So I do that with my son where in school, his teacher's like, okay, you do this because I can under, I'll know what you understand just by doing this, but you don't have to do all the problems on the page because.
That's overwhelming to him. And he's not going to do it if he sees all those problems, but he can demonstrate his understanding by doing like five problems instead of 30. And I love, love, love when teachers do that. Um, And, and I'm just going to throw in there. If he can demonstrate his understanding in five problems instead of 30, then why do they have to do 30?
I know, I know. It's like, you know, I mean, in my example, there's actually more skill. Yeah, yeah, yeah, um, yeah, for sure. And then that gets us to, if I, if I can just like do as a little side topic here, and that what is our role and responsibility and our rights when we're advocating for our kids, either for their IEPs or their 504s?
And the last three years that I was teaching, I had the responsibility of running 504 meetings, which meant I also had the responsibility of nagging and harassing teachers, uh, who had signed off on something who were then not implementing what they had signed off on. And I was horrified because, you know, as you can imagine, when I was sitting in the teacher's seat.
I took the 504 and I was like, okay, like, these are my kids. These are the accommodations they need. This is what I need to do. And the way that I handled that, because in 25 years of teaching, you can imagine that the number of kids with a 504 went way, way, way, way, way up. I said, what are the best teaching practices for everybody?
So if one kid needed to use his camera to take the agenda on the board so that he would have record of it. Yeah. Well, then why not let 30 kids pull out their cameras and take an agenda, or why not have one kid take the agenda and be responsible for uploading it to our common Google doc so that everybody can go home and do it.
Yeah. Right. Um, I had one note taker in class, um, and it was a job that was sort of a volunteer signup job. And so then I had a binder in the back of the room with the daily notes. So now, lo and behold, if Lauren is absent on Tuesday. She can come back and copy those notes, take a picture of those notes, read those notes.
And that serves her as much as it serves Sam, who needs the notes every day. Yeah. Yeah. I love it. That's awesome. Um, what resources do you have for parents or that you would like to highlight? What resources do I have for parents? Um, you know, that's so funny. I'm trying to think apropos of our conversation.
Um, I did have in my notes. Um, I do have a free ebook, um, that's called 50 ways to connect to your kids. And what's a little bit unique about it is that I organized the 50 ideas by Howard Gardner's, um, learning styles. Um, I'm assuming you guys are familiar with. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yes. And I, and I just kind of went through the idea of going like, well, most of us prefer learning in our main style.
And if we're learning in our main style, then probably we prefer playing in our main style too. And so if parents have, um, a list of activities that are identified as. It's great for auditory learners, great for kinesthetic learners, great for visual learners. And I went through all the modalities. So as you can imagine, some have more labels that are, that's like, it's good for this and this, that that might be a really great way for parents to spend some time with their kids in a modality where their kid is shining and where it's not, um, we're not always just trying to.
Lift up the debt the deficit, but we're spending time in the child's strength Yeah, I think that's so important because so many kids hear what they're doing wrong, but we're not celebrating their strengths We're not going into their strengths We're just you know, like you need to do this you need to do this you need this and so when you focus on their Strengths it actually helps their mental health and it helps them behave in a better way that you want them to behave.
I know it's not all about behavior, but a lot of parents focus on that is that they just want them to behave, you know, um, and when they feel better about themselves, then they'll do better, you know? So that was awesome. I love that resource. We will have that in the show notes and people can check that out.
Um, where can people find you online? My website is my name. Elizabeth stit. com that's Elizabeth with an S and stit is s t i t t and I'm sure you'll have that in your show notes as well. We'll have that in the show notes and yeah, and our last question is what do you do for fun? I twirl. That's awesome.
Well, can you give us more information about that? Oh, I mean, I could stand up and twirl. Oh, yeah, that's fun. I literally twirl. Okay. No, I sing. I sing in a choir. Uh, I do, I do improv, uh, drop an improv class on Friday nights and, uh, I dance in the kitchen and I just twirl. Nice. I love it. I love it. Okay. Well, thank you for coming on the show.
We really appreciate your time. And yeah, this is a great episode. So thank you. 100%. Thank you.
What did you think, Lauren? What were the highlights? I think it's just a good reminder that every brand is different and your needs and my needs learning wise are going to be different and that people are willing to take the time to figure that out. Our kids are going to be more successful. Um, and then I really like, uh, I don't remember.
I feel too much pressure. I think it's important remembering when we wanting kids to do something, remembering the four things that she listed, so giving them powers, making them feel safe, you know, are they capable of it? And they feel important. Um, and, uh, that's something that I forget about support with this people in general, when you want them to do something, so to be thinking about that and then When you're wanting them to do things like breaking it down into smaller tasks and being a little bit more specific so that yeah, you know, it's easy to tackle, I guess.
Yeah, when I break down, we should be, yeah, I thought she meant something different by that. I didn't mean, I didn't know she meant like literally twirling and I was like, what is that? Tell me more. And I'm like, Oh, you mean like literally twirling. Okay. I was like, that's cool. I like doing that in like a princessy dress.
I like to twirl. But, um, yeah, I thought there was something more to that, but no, it's just twirling, which is cool. That's cool. Yeah. Well, we'll see you all next week. Thank you for listening today. And yeah, we'll be back next week. for listening to this episode. We hope the discussion on neurodiversity has provided you with support, understanding, and inspiration.
You found our podcast on. Valuable. Please share it with others who may benefit from our insights. And leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. Hit the follow button and let's keep exploring the fascinating world of neurodiversity. Click the link in our show notes to visit our website for a free download of three tips for a stronger relationship with your child.
