42 - Jennifer Becker and Tackling the Piles 13/05/24

Here's what to expect on the podcast:

• Jennifer and her daughter's ADHD diagnosis journey.

• How do neurodivergent individuals typically handle doom piles?

• Effective strategies for organizing piles when dealing with an ADHD brain.

• The potential benefits of a toxin-free home environment.

• And much more!

About Jennifer:

Jennifer Becker has been a high-performing leader, not only in the corporate world but when she went on to work for herself as a consumer goods manufactures rep, she continued working on being a high achiever in her field, earning many accolades as a top performer. As she was working to get a diagnosis with her daughter, not only did she learn that her daughter was suffering from ADHD, but she as well was diagnosed with ADHD.

The Mel Robbins Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robb…

Connect with Jennifer Becker!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/TheNaturalWellnessMom

Connect with Samantha Foote!

Website: www.boisemusictherapycompany.com

Email: [email protected]

Consultation: https://letsmeet.io/boisemusictherapycompany/30-mi…

TRANSCRIPTION

This podcast is for parents like you, navigating the world of neurodiversity with love and compassion. I'm a neurodivergent mother of three amazing neurodivergent children and a board certified music therapist. Our mission is to create a supportive space where you feel understood, connected, and inspired.

With practical tips, strategies, and resources, we'll help you and your child thrive in your unique way. Join us as we dive deep into the diverse world of neurodivergent individuals, exploring topics like ADHD, autism, dyslexia, sensory processing challenges, and more. We'll cover it all to empower, educate, and uplift both neurodivergent individuals and those who walk alongside them.

Together, we'll create a world where every brain is valued and celebrated. We're excited to embark on this enlightening journey with you. We are your hosts, Samantha Fuh and Lauren Ross, and this is the Every Brain is Different podcast.

Welcome to the Every Brain is Different podcast. We're here with Jennifer Becker, and Jennifer has been a high performing leader, not only in the corporate world, but when she went On to work for herself as a consumer goods manufacturers rep. She continued working on being a high achiever in her field, earning accolades as a top performer.

As she was working to get a diagnosis with her daughter. Not only did she learn that her daughter was suffering with ADHD, but she as well was diagnosed with ADHD. Welcome to the show, Jennifer. We're so excited to have you. Hi, Samantha and Lauren excited to be here. Yeah. Can you tell us more about how you're involved in the neurodivergent community?

Sure. Um, so my kid kind of, my youngest daughter kind of got marked as like, The problem kid or, you know, she had behavioral issues and I would, I remember, or actually it was her first day of kindergarten, she got a note home and I had never even seen this note card. They, they called it, um, the traffic light card and she was marked red.

And I didn't even know they had these. And my older daughter had gone to the school for three years prior. So. You know, from the very first day of kindergarten, she got marked, you know, struggles to follow directions and was told not to run in the wood chips and did it anyway. And then, you know, little things happened in first grade.

And then second grade was the year COVID hit. And even on zoom, you know, our teacher was constantly. Yeah. Jillian put the dog down or Jillian do this and do that and you hear on zoom and as you're, you know, all of a sudden like your mama instinct steps in and you want to, you know, stop doing that to my kid publicly.

And, um, then we moved and then we started at a new school and same thing, like getting notes home that, you know, she wastes time and. I don't know why it never occurred to me at that time to think, well, maybe there's a problem or it didn't occur to a teacher to say, maybe you should go have her evaluated.

And I guess as a parent, you don't know what you don't know is what I've learned. And, you know, I carried a lot of guilt about it and it wasn't until, um, she entered sixth grade and was, you know, in middle school and switching to six different classes. I, Got a call from a teacher who said, have you ever thought about having your daughter evaluated for ADHD?

And I said, no. And she goes, I don't think that she has, you know, behavioral issues, or I don't think she's the bad kid or whatever. I think she is struggling and I would love for you to have her evaluated. And she said, we, we can't technically tell you what to do. And she said, I know a lot of parents live in denial.

And I said, no, I'm not in denial. I'm totally open to it. And, um, turns out one of her children, you know, thrives in the neurodivergent community, but. She was just seeing signs that reminded her so much of her own child and sure enough we get her evaluated and oh my gosh there were so many things that were basically tied to having ADHD and um, I tried a lot of natural things first because that's my personality I'm like a half crunchy mom and tried to up the dose of omegas and I made sure you know I didn't have any toxins in the home because I was reading that could be a trigger and Finally, it got to the point where she said, I really think your daughter would benefit from being medicated.

And I think as parents, we try to avoid it as much as we can. And they kind of use the analogy, you know, someone had high blood pressure and they just couldn't manage it without medication. You would give them the medication because you don't want them to have a heart attack. And she said, your daughter is functioning, um, in flight or fight mode.

All day, you know, it's why she's struggling to sleep at night. It's why all these other things are happening and you know, let's try it. And so we tried a couple of different combinations and I would say after three to four months of trial and error, we got it. Um, I'm happy to say she's got straight A's right now.

She is thriving. Teachers are. realizing that, you know, she's not, I hate to say like the bad kid, but that's kind of how teachers peg them, you know, the disruptive, the troubled kid. Yeah. So that's been a little bit of our journey. Yeah. I'm so glad you talked about how you. You know, you don't know what you don't know.

And I feel like teachers also don't know what they don't know. And for so long, they've just been like, well, this kid has behavioral issues and we haven't looked deeper into why they have behavioral issues and every behavior. I, I don't think that kids want to be bad kids, like bad in quotes, you know, they don't want to misbehave.

They are doing the best they can. And so if we can look at the underlying reason why they're having that behavior very beneficial for them and for us as parents and providers and all of that because once you looked, you know, once you got the diagnosis, you're able to get her help. And I really like that you talked about how it took time to find a medication that worked because so many times we, the med, the first medication you use doesn't work.

It's so different for each individual. I know when I went on medication for OCD, it took me like Almost two years to find the right medication, but when, once I found it, man, I'm golden now. So I really appreciate that you talked about that and well, and that was one of the things I reached out to you for because I said, Oh my gosh, this is making her almost lethargic and so sleepy and so tired.

And yeah, then tell the therapist, it's not the right medication. And so again, even that as a parent, you don't realize it is a whole trial and error. And had I not. And I kind of just casually mentioned it to you that day and you're like, oh, that happened to my son. Go do this or go ask for this. Yeah, write this.

And so it is a trial and error for sure. Yeah. Because I didn't know when my son went on medication, his behavior got a lot better. But then he started, um, having like, what looked like seizures, but they weren't, it was just like absent seizures. So he'd just stare off into space. And his brother had epilepsy, so I was like, oh, maybe he has seizures, you know?

And then I realized that it was his medication that was. Chilling him out so much that he was just spacing out and I was like, Oh, well, this, this is a problem. So, um, yeah, you definitely have to do trial and error with medications and work with your provider for that. I really appreciate that you brought that up.

Yes. As an adult now, like I said, being, you know, then as we went through the whole. Whole thing and I ended up with the diagnosis as well. I look back on my childhood on things that were a real struggle for me or, you know, a simple task of cleaning your bedroom and how overwhelmed I would get and. You know, sending me to my room and telling me to clean it when the mess was so overwhelming was just, I would just sit and stare cause I couldn't figure out where to start.

And it's funny. And so many areas of my life, I am, you know, high functioning, high performing, but then, um, I have a friend who jokes. She's like, I like to see the cluttered areas of your life because it makes me feel better. And I said, it's always in the areas you least expect. Like our closet is, you know, pretty big and it'll become the dumping ground.

And I have to almost sit back and go, okay, just put the clothes away. Okay. Now just do this. Like I have to break it down in small chunks, but I've also realized that's what works for my daughter as well. Sending her to her room and telling her go clean your room. It's overwhelming. She doesn't know where to start.

But if I'm like, okay, first of all, go pick up all the doll clothes and the doll shoes and put them in the bins. And then we do that. And then we do the next task. Okay, next, let's pick up all the laundry that's on the floor. Okay, next, you know, so it's, it's a lot of learning. But then, you know, as an adult, I'm like, oh, that's why that was happening.

Oh, that's why I was so frustrated with that. Yeah. I remember it took me all day. day long to clean my room and my mom would tell me to clean my room and she finally had to be like, if you don't clean your room, you're not going to your friend's house. And then that was the motivation I needed to like get it done.

But I would take everything out and then I'm like, I'm going to organize it as like a little kid, you know, it's like, I'm going to organize it. And then I would get so distracted by looking at everything and be like, Oh, that's so fun. And that's fun. And then I would just lose all motivation and just sit there and stare at everything.

And just not do anything. And I, so I I know you, and I have always been impressed by how you manage things and how on top of things you are. And then the day you told me about your doom piles, that made me so happy. I was like, Oh my gosh, she does have everything together everywhere. There's certain areas of my life I feel like I could just totally master and kill it.

But then, you know, you go look at my desk and that's where I say the doom piles live and it's like. Yeah. Yeah. I know where things are, like, that's the pile of bills, that's the pile of papers that come home from school that say, like, order the yearbook, or do this, or do that. That's the pile that I gotta look at, but it's hard to tackle the piles.

Yeah, yeah, and I think that's important to remember that You, someone on the outside might look like they have it all together, they're super organized in all areas of their life, and they don't struggle with anything, but there's a lot of masking that goes on, or not even, like, I don't even think you were doing it intentionally, like, you know, just trying to put on this.

Show for everyone, but I don't know, you might have been, but, um, just know that people with ADHD, they call it like high functioning, low functioning, whatever, but the person experiencing it, it's not like higher or lower, they're experiencing ADHD, you know, and so That people label them high functioning or low functioning based on how the other person sees them, which I think is super important.

It doesn't mean that you're not struggling. Like, I struggle so much with doom piles. I didn't open my mail for probably Two months. And that, that is not okay, but yeah, and I opened it. I was like, Ooh, I should have, but I was just so overwhelmed with my life and other areas that that was an area that I was just like, Nope, not going to touch it.

And I would just put it in a pile. So, um, yeah, two of the worst things for me are mail and laundry. Oh, yeah. It was a strategy that I had to master and now I do a load of laundry a day and people think it's crazy and I mean, don't get me started. Is it wasting water? I'm like, well, we do have a water efficient washer, but I had to learn it is easier for me to do one load a day, whether it's full or not, then try on a Saturday to do eight loads of laundry with two kids who, oh my gosh, I swear they were like three outfits a day because they play sports and they change their clothes and this happens and that happens.

And. And then it was, it was just, I'd be so overwhelmed on a Saturday that I'd rather lay in bed and watch Netflix because I couldn't tackle the piles that accumulated through the week. And I did that too. I just kept throwing mail in this bag in our closet thinking, I'll get to it. I'll get to it. I'll get to it.

And then I finally got to it. And I'm like, Oh, here's a check that's past 180 days that we can no longer deposit. And you know, those embarrassing things when you have to call and go, yeah, you know that check you sent? I need you to reissue it because I just couldn't deal with it. Yeah. And that's important to remember that I just love everything that you're bringing up.

Like find the strategy that works for you. Even if other people judge you, find the strategy that works for your kids. Like you were saying with your daughter, you know, like, okay, we're going to do this first and then we're going to do this. And I know it can be frustrating with kids because I tell my son to go clean his room and really the only thing in his room that needs cleaned up or Legos, but there's so many Legos that it overwhelms him.

And so he's like, can you do it with me? And I'm like, yeah, I'm going to be cleaning in this other part of the house while you clean your room. And he's like, no, I need you to be with me. I help him clean up his room, but there's something to that though, because even cleaning my own closet, my older daughter wanted to help me.

And at first I thought, no. And then I realized actually when someone's sitting there with you, it does happen faster. And there are times where I'm literally sitting on my daughter's bed. She's actually doing all the work. I'm not really doing it, but it's because I'm in the room and I'm able to say, okay, first do this.

Okay. Now let's tackle this. Okay. Now let's. You know, organize your crayons and your markers and put those away and it gets done faster, but it is strategy. And then having those around you realize. They need a strategy to get through the day. I think, you know, my parents are a big part of her life. And in the beginning, I think too, even my own parents looked at me as, you know, you cater to her.

Well, I have to parent her differently than my oldest. They are two totally different kids and the same strategies don't work for both kids. And she does have a routine. And if we go off that routine, mornings don't go well. And so, you know, if my husband and I are traveling, it's a whole list for my mom of like, wake her up at this time.

She likes to do this. And she likes to have an entire hour and a half in the morning to get ready for school. She gets ready in 40 minutes, but she wants that extra like 40 minutes of. Sitting there and relaxing and having her time. She's not someone that you can say, hurry up, grab your shoes, grab your jacket.

Let's go out the door. I mean, she needs a plan for the day. What time are we leaving? Where are we going? What are we doing? Yeah. And I think that's super important. I heard a thing, um, that. Neurodivergent people can't make habits, so they make routines. And if you interrupt that routine, then they don't know what to do.

And so that's why routines are so important to neurodivergent people, and why they need to know what's happening, when it's happening, so that they can plan for it, so that they don't get interrupted, you know? Hey there, it's Samantha. Are you a dedicated parent overwhelmed with navigating the unique challenges of raising a neurodivergent child?

You find it tough to understand impulsive behaviors, manage transitions, address educational concerns, handle sensory stimulation, and navigate social interaction struggles. The good news is you aren't alone. Here at Every Brain is Different, we're excited to announce our new membership program. Parenting your neurodivergent child.

This is a community of parents working to enhance connections with their kids and gain a deeper understanding of their unique needs. With expert insights on positive parenting strategies and neuroaffirming practices, you will have concrete strategies to help your child succeed. You'll have opportunities to ask questions.

questions, hear from other parents and feel empowered as a parent and finally feel peace in your home. Join us on the second and third Thursdays of each month on zoom, visit www. everybrainisdifferent. com for more details. Let's embark on this journey together. So how do you handle interruptions though?

Because that happens. So how do you help her move through that? I haven't even established a list, especially like if my husband and I are going to travel or something's going to be off, she does need a list so that when she's interrupted, she can go back to the list. And it sounds kind of funny, you know, it's a very simple list, but we have found that then when you're interrupted, you can just go back and look.

And I myself as an adult have to have a to do list of people like, Oh, you're so organized. It's like, well, no, not really. If I don't have a list. And I'm interrupted and the phone rings or something happens. I have completely forgotten what I'm supposed to do. And I was just telling a friend the other day, you know, my husband was sitting down, we were having a very in depth like tax conversation and we were sitting at his computer and then I remembered, Oh my gosh, I have to go put my daughter's clothes in the dryer because.

You know, she had a game and needed her uniform washed. And so I got up and did that. And then all of a sudden it was like, Oh, let me clean this little mess here in the laundry room. And then next I went thinking, Oh, I'm going to get some water from the fridge, open the fridge, and I started cleaning out the fridge and finally my husband comes back out and he's like.

Are you coming back? Like we're just, I had just gone from one thing to another. Eventually I realized, Oh yeah, that's what we were doing, but that happens so frequently the doorbell rings, you know, there's an Amazon package and then all of a sudden I'm headed back to my office and the house. And I realized, Oh, let me put these shoes away, which leads to, Oh, there's some dog hair right there.

Let me vacuum real quick. So even having a to do list for myself, it's like, I have to refocus like, Oh yeah, these are the things that have to get done today. And I keep two lists. I keep the must do today and then the nice to accomplish, the nice to accomplish will get moved to the next day. But you're right.

It's a routine and they need the routine. And even myself, um, you know, my daughter had called, she forgot something and I rushed out the door. And because I got out of my routine, all of a sudden I'm like, Oh my gosh, I forgot to put on deodorant today. Oh, I. I put one earring in my ear because that she was calling and so all of a sudden you realize even as an adult, we, we function well with routines and consistency.

And I think that's maybe neurodivergent and people who are non neurodivergent I think people in well or in general do well with consistency. Yeah, for sure. Um, it was funny this morning. I was showering and I have like a thing, right? I have my routine and for some reason I did something before I did another thing and I was like wait Did, did I wash my face?

I don't know if I washed my face. Like, it would have happened 30 seconds ago, but I just, like, was going through the motions, you know, but I was like, why, why did I do that? And I was, I just sat there and, like, had an existential crisis in the shower this morning because my routine was interrupted. But yeah, so definitely, like, I, I have to write things down or I, like, think of things that I need to do and then while I'm going to do that thing, my brain, like, moves on to other things and I completely forget.

What I was doing while I was doing it, and it's so weird to sing. So yes, lists, lists are amazing. And another thing that my daughter and I both learned is we have to sleep with like a notepad by our bed because you start thinking of that thing and then you're like, no, I'll remember to do it. I'll remember, I'll remember, and then all of a sudden You've now spent an hour where you haven't fallen back asleep because you're trying so hard to think about the next day where it's like, Just wake up, turn the lamp on, write it down so you can go back to sleep and know it won't forget.

I have a question for both of you ladies, since you both have ADHD. How do you lean or lean on your spouses? How do they support you? Go for it. Jennifer. Yes. Um, I think Yeah, well, I think like him going through the diagnosis and then my you know first it was obviously my daughter and then you know when he realized And I started telling him some of the symptoms that, you know, occur in adult women.

He's like, Oh, wow. Yeah, that is you. Um, also giving them resources and tools. You know, Mel Robbins has a great podcast about being diagnosed with ADHD as an adult female. And when I sent that to him, I said, I really, really need you to listen to this. And I think it gave him so much understanding because so much of what, you know, she said resonated.

It was like, He is the one there's nothing on his nightstand. There's nothing left on his bathroom sink when he is done getting ready where B it's like a hurricane hit. You can tell every product I touched that morning because it's out on the scene. Like I'll clean things before I like go to bed. Like I always say, I put my house to bed, you know, I'd start the dishwasher.

I do all the things, but. During the day, I kind of moved through the house, like a little bit of a hurricane. And then after listening to that podcast, I think it's given him such a greater understanding and even finding different podcasts. This podcast, there was one you had someone on some and I can't remember, but I just thought like, Oh my gosh, they explained that so beautifully.

And, you know, sending that to your spouse and, and just helping them have a few tools to understand. Okay. This is normal for them. And we may have to adapt a little bit around them. And you know, it has been great for my husband and my parents understanding more of ADHD, understanding more of neurodivergent because we all function a little differently with my daughter, even watching my 15 year old daughter have more.

You know, I think more empathy, I don't want to say sympathy, we're not feeling sorry for her. Um, but we're having more empathy of, oh, that really affects her negatively when we're raising our voice and we're rushing her. Like, instead of moving along quicker, she moves slower. She just shuts down. And she'll sit there because she's so overwhelmed because now she's been given so many directions from everybody in the household that it's all of a sudden like, I'm going to sit and do nothing because I can't figure out what I'm supposed to do.

And so I think just helping them have resources and tools. And if you hear something good, like text it to him, Hey, listen to this podcast or listen to this, or, you know, we do function better if we know, like, I always ask my husband. What time do I need to be ready? And he's like, well, like today, my daughter has a softball game.

And so he wants to make sure we're ready. We're out the door. He likes to get there a certain time when it's me going and he's out of town. I'm like that mom running in right as game is starting. And so he said, well, the game's at five. And I'm like, no. What time do you want to be ready to leave the house?

That is what I need to know. I don't need to know what time the game is. I need to know what time you want to be ready because in my mind, leaving at 445 will be fine. I know it takes us 10 minutes to get there. In his mind, he wants to be there at 430. He wants to make sure we have time to park the car and, you know, get the chairs and get a spa and this and that.

So I'm always like, no, I don't need to know. I need to know what time do you want to leave the house? And I'm noticing my daughter's the same. It's like, what time do I have to be ready? Because, um, her and I are always backing up time. Like, okay, if I want to leave at 4 30, then I better start getting ready at this time.

And I got to do this before, like we, I always work it backwards where he's just like. I don't know. What's that? Five. Just be ready. No, I know that's not in his. Sorry. No. What time? Just tell me what time to be ready. I'll be ready. Yeah, for sure. I do the back backward time thing too. I'm like, okay, it starts at nine.

So I need to be ready by this time. And yeah. Um, with my husband, it's a little different because he, we're pretty sure he has neurodivergent. Things in him as well, but I will say that part of my ADHD I get really excited about things and I want to do all the things at the same time. And so he is Fantastic at saying okay, I understand you want to do this and you want to do this and you want to do this But do you have to do it all right now?

can something wait or do you want to do this because you're your other thing like is hard and You're not getting past it Or is this something that you actually want to do and not using it as a distraction? So he is amazing at just Keeping me on earth and understanding what my limits are. I still go over my limits, but probably not as much if he wasn't here.

So yeah, that's, but yeah, he, um, we both through move through our house, like a hurricane. So that's a problem, but we're working through it. Well, that's another strategy though, like. You move through the day like a hurricane. Like if I'm starting one project, my desk is torn apart and then I'm in the kitchen making food and then that's tore apart and then I met, you know, getting ready for the day.

And so that was when I learned like. Put the house to bed and that's also, but it's like, just go through and clean everything up, like, you know, be in the kitchen for 10 minutes, at least load the dishwasher, get that started, you know, just put things back where they go that night. Because I'm not the person that can like clean as I go, because I wish I would, but I just know the reality.

I'm like you, I get so excited that I want to move to the next thing. The next thing I also, um. You know, just talking to another neurodivergent therapist was telling me she said, um, especially in women, we like the instant gratification. So if we're like, oh. Let's paint the living room this weekend. It is like, we're going to do it this weekend.

Or if they say, let's, let's paint the living room. Like I want to, I want to do this new color, you know, maybe the husband is thinking, let's go get some paint samples and let's maybe put it on the wall for a week and see how we like it where our neuro divergent brain is like, you said we could paint the living room.

Now I want to paint the living room and I want to have it done. Yesterday, you know, we want that instant gratification. We don't want it to be this slow drawn out process. Cause we're already onto the next thing. Like, and then after we paint the living room. Let's redo, you know, the draperies, or let's redo the window.

I mean, we're just on to the next, on to the next. So, I totally understand when you're like, I want to do all the things, and you get excited about it. Yeah, and then if I don't do the things when I'm excited about them, then I lose the excitement, and then I just don't do them. So, yeah, that's a problem. Um, but yes, well, we are almost to time.

So, can you tell us a little bit, um, about any resources that you have for parents? Or, um, I know you like to have a toxin free home. Um, can you tell us a little bit about that? Yeah, um, so there's been a lot of studies that have come out. One of the most recent ones I just read, um, came out of San Antonio.

And it was just saying how the neurodivergent brains, whether it's pesticides, paints, um, disinfectants. fragrances, um, they definitely can trigger something in our brain. And so, um, I've really worked hard on not using products that have, um, ammonia or bleach or, um, chelates or any of those harmful things, parabens, because those can be triggers where, you know, we're set off in a way.

Um, some other things I've learned is gut health is really important for our neurodivergent brains. So. I make sure that, you know, my kids are taking probiotics and so they're, they've got that good gut health. Um, Omega is really, really good for our brains too. And so we found, we have a great liquid Omega that my kids love that we use.

And it's interesting though, how all those things kind of link and I've always kind of been that way. Like I said, I'm like half crunchy. I mean, do we try to do have a toxic free home? Absolutely. Do I try to avoid all the parabens and everything? But. Do we eat Chick fil A? Yeah, you know, we, we travel and so my kids have had some fast food, but Um, you know, and trying to not have meats and dairies with synthetic hormones and antibiotics and just how all of that affects your gut health and your brain health.

And, you know, that's those can be triggers for neurodivergent, um, you know, people and too, too strong of smells. Um, All those things. And so I particularly, that's, that's my passion. I love helping families go in that direction and, um, get all the toxins out of their home and make sure that they've got good supplementation.

And like I said, you know, I try to avoid medicating my daughter and she is medicated, but we also do supplementation as well. And I have just seen such a change in her grades and in her behavior. Um, I used to think essential oils was like, You know, which doctor medicine like that doesn't work quite, you know, but, um, I have found certain blends that we diffuse just really can be calming or, you know, really certain things I'll diffuse during homework time.

It can really help with focus. And so I think I'm a believer, um, all, all those little things, I think, you know, the more we can do and not to mention it's. Toxins are hard on our respiratory system, they're hard on our skin, they, they're linked to inflammation in our bodies and all the diseases and cancers and all those things start with inflammation in the body.

So the more we can do, you know, to go in that direction, not only is it going to help your health in general, but also I really truly believe that it's made a difference for neurodivergent brains. Yeah, for sure. Uh, where can people find you if they want to know more? You can find me on Instagram at the natural wellness mom.

And I think I'm going to start the little ADHD bubble because I have learned a lot of tips, especially in this last year. It's, it's been a journey for us. And so I do sprinkle in a lot of toxic free products you can use in your homes and things like that, but being on this journey and just having Samantha in my.

Orbit in my circle. I've learned more and more. So I'm getting more comfortable talking about it and sharing what we do in our home to help with us. Yeah, that's awesome. I really appreciate you coming on the show today because you've brought up a lot of important things. And I think, um, usually we ask, like, what are your parenting strategies, but you just sprinkled them in throughout the whole thing.

I feel like the whole thing was just parenting strategies, which is amazing. So thank you. Um, our last question is, what do you do for fun? Oh gosh, right now I'm in the stage of life where I've got a competitive softball player and a competitive cheerleader. And so my fun right now kind of centers around watching my kids.

Um, I used to do lots of things like scrapbook in the day. I don't even think that's a thing anymore. Um, fun right now is watching the kids and watching them excel at what they're doing. So I do say when I hit that empty nester phase, that'll be different. Finding like a new level of fun, but, um, that's what we do.

They both travel for their sports. And so we just try to, when we go to new cities, try to find something unique to do in that city, or I'll often ask, you know, on social media, okay, here's where we're headed. Tell us all the things we should do, but that's kind of our, our fun. Um, Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. I love it.

Well, thank you so much. Like I said, I really appreciate you coming on the show and sharing all your parenting strategies. 'cause I think they're fantastic. So thank you and thank you. Wait, they were amazing . Thank you guys for all the guidance I get from listening to you. Oh, well thanks.

She was so awesome. I loved all. Her strategies that she talked about because I didn't even have to ask the question like what are your parenting strategies? Like I said, like she just put them in throughout and I love okay when I first met her I was like you have your life together So well, like how do I be you because you're just amazing and she She is amazing.

Don't get me wrong. But the day I found out that she had doom piles, I was like, Oh my word. Like, I feel so much better about my life right now. She, she's just very impressive to me. So I think it's important for everyone to remember that everyone has struggles, whether they show it or not. And yeah, no one is completely perfect.

Um, I really like how she touched on that again, with the, every brain is different. Uh, not everything. It's going to work for some people, and so parenting her daughters differently, I'm going to have to parent this way with her. I'm going to have to break things down. I'm going to have to be more patient.

You know, things like that, and I think that's important to remember as a parent, is that your children are not the same, and that different things are going to work and not work. So, it's important to keep that in mind. And then something that you said that, uh, Kind of sparked some thoughts is that you, uh, when you're talking about how some people see people is like, Oh, they're higher functioning or they're lower functioning.

And that's our perspective. Um, but for the person who's actually experiencing it, like, that's their life. They don't think of it as high or low, like, that's what they're experiencing in the moment. And, um, I think that's something important to remember for us, like, on the outside. Um, kind of when we think in those terms of lower functioning, higher functioning, whatever, that for that person, like, that's Yeah.

Um, I think, yeah. Sorry, I interrupted you. No, you're fine. I just, I, I just think it's something to think about people. Yeah. And I've heard it so many times. That was definitely not an original thought of mine. I've seen it throughout like social media and stuff But someone said I've heard people say oh my son isn't as affected by autism or ADHD He's you know, he's not very affected by it And I just don't think that's true because you don't know the coping skills that your child is doing You don't know the masking that they're doing To appear to be not as affected.

Or the internal stuff that's happening, like we don't know. Yeah, and so just be aware that just because someone presents as quote unquote high functioning, that doesn't mean they're not struggling. It doesn't mean You know, that they don't need support. Exactly. Yeah, so I, yeah, that's just. It made me feel a lot better when she said that, when, um, she's cleaning.

That she has to, you know, break things down and that when she was younger, she couldn't just go in and clean her room, you know, because like, I remember so vividly all the time when my mom was like, just get your room clean and I'm like, I can't, she said, she said, Yes, you can just clean your room. And I'm like, I can't.

And I would, I would take seriously all day long. to clean my room and she's like that would have taken you like five minutes if you just done it and she was she didn't say it like that but that's how my brain that's how you perceived it yeah yeah and so and she would help me you know after a while but I was like 10 years old.

I, I won't say I should have been able to, but like, I felt like I should be able to, and I didn't know why I couldn't. So, I'm trying to have that patience with my kids now, the understanding, like, they literally can't do it by themselves. Um, and I think it's also, Important to remember, um, and bring in my, some of my training talk that we talked about.

Yeah. Like, uh, learned helplessness is sometimes we, you know, clean your room. It's really easy. Like, you should be able to do this. It's just a few things. And for us, I'm like, it may be really easy, but for the person who has to do it, it's not. Like, it's a huge one, like, huge task. It's not that easy for them.

And then they hear people saying. It's easy. Why can't you do this? This is super simple. And then you just instill, like, this helplessness that, like, I can't do it. What's wrong with me? Like, they're telling me this is easy, but, like, I'm struggling. And so I think it's important when you are trying to get a child to do something or teach them something new that we're mindful of our language.

Yeah. To refrain from, this is super simple and you can do it. It's like, okay, this is what we're going to do and we're going to break it down and what do you need? Yeah. Yeah. And so I think that's important to remember. Yeah. And remembering that sometimes kids can't tell you what they need, they just know they need help.

I know that my son, he will not tell you what he needs. But he will not be able to do it. And so I just have to step in and be like, okay, I'm going to help you do this and this and this. And this is how we're going to get it done. Because sometimes they just don't even know why they can't do it. Like I didn't know why I couldn't do it.

I just knew it was overwhelming and I didn't know what to do. Yeah, exactly. But yeah. Well, thank you all for listening today. Let us know how you liked it. Um. Yeah, leave a review. We appreciate those. Yeah. So, have a good week everyone. Thank you for listening to this episode. We hope the discussion on neurodiversity has provided you with support, understanding, and inspiration.

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