36 - Autism Acceptance Month 01/04/24

Here's what to expect on the podcast:

• What does true acceptance of individuals with autism entail?

• Communication strategies in autistic individuals.

• In what ways can labeling autistic individuals based on functioning levels contribute to stigma and discrimination?

• Explain autism to neurotypical children in a way that promotes understanding and acceptance.

• And much more!

Resources:

Walk for Autism Acceptance 2024: https://www.cityofcaldwell.org/Home/Components/Cal…

Let’s Talk Boundaries with Mary Brown: https://www.boundariescoach.com/podcast/

Check out  Louise Gooding's book, Wonderfully Wired Brains: An Introduction to the World of Neurodiversity, on Amazon! https://amzn.to/3vvaTTk

Connect with Samantha Foote!

WebsiTe: www.boisemusictherapycompany.com

Email: [email protected]

Consultation: 

https://letsmeet.io/boisemusictherapycompany/30-mi…

TRANCRIPTION

This podcast is for parents like you, navigating the world of neurodiversity with love and compassion. I'm a neurodivergent mother of three amazing neurodivergent children and a board certified music therapist. Our mission is to create a supportive space where you feel understood, connected, and inspired.

With practical tips, strategies, and resources, we'll help you and your child thrive in your unique way. Join us as we dive deep into the diverse world of neurodivergent individuals exploring topics like ADHD, autism, dyslexia, sensory processing challenges, and more. We'll cover it all to empower, educate, and uplift both neurodivergent individuals and those who walk alongside them.

Together we'll create a world where every brain is valued and celebrated. We're excited to embark on this enlightening journey with you. We are your hosts, Samantha Foote and Lauren Ross, and this is the Every Brain is Different podcast.

Welcome to the Every Brain is Different podcast. I am Samantha Foote here with Lauren Ross, and it is just us today, and we We are excited about April because April is Autism Awareness Month, or also known as Autism Acceptance Month. We think that it should be Autism Acceptance Month, so yeah, we're just gonna call it that.

I, I think that's the best route to go. Yeah, because It's not enough to just be aware that someone has autism. They want it to be accepted, not just be like, Oh, you have autism. I'm aware of that, but let's accept people as they are. 

That's just like me. Okay. I'm aware that there's, I quote, something wrong with you and I still have to treat you like a human versus that acceptance of, I see that you have strengths and weaknesses and I'm going to help you with your strengths so that you can be successful.

Yeah. I like the acceptance way better. 

Yeah, for sure. So for this episode, we had some people ask us some questions about the neurodivergent community and we are going to give our take on them. So, um, the first one that we had is what do you say and do so autistic people don't feel awkward? Is there a special way to communicate with them?

I don't think there's like a special way to communicate with them. I think they're just people. And you have to remember that all people are different, you know. 

I think, yeah, I think talk to them like you would anyone else, and then if you care and are open minded, you're going to quickly learn how they communicate, and then hopefully you're willing to adapt in that.

Exactly. So, 

yeah, if they're not making eye contact with you Don't force it. Don't, you know, be like, why aren't you looking at me? You have to look at me when I'm talking to you. Or I've seen this a lot where people stem and they're moving around and it seems to really bother people that are talking to them.

And so that's how they're focusing on the conversation with you. I know. When I am talking to someone, I do stuff with my fingers a lot, like I am constantly moving because I'm nervous. I get so nervous when I talk to people one on one. And I, and if I'm making eye contact with you, I guarantee you I'm not thinking about the conversation.

Yes. In the same way. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but I don't think there's like a special way to communicate with all autistic people. Gorgeous. You know, like you said, Lauren, just, you'll know soon enough. Yeah. Their way of communicating. 

Yeah. And again, it's just being open and adapting, so. Yeah. If you do that, you're going to be successful.

Yeah, for sure. And within that, um, they also talked about the infantilization of autistic people and, you know, people with Down syndrome or other disabilities. And I saw this commercial. Where it was a person with Down syndrome. It was a girl with Down syndrome. And she was just saying, You tell me I can't do that so I don't even try.

Or you think I can't do that so you don't help me even try to do it. You say I can't drink so you don't even offer me a drink. Even though she's old enough to drink, you know? Yeah. And so I think being aware of that, like, don't assume that they can't, assume that they can, and then if you can see that they can't do something, then help them and support them so they can do it, if they want to.

If they don't want to do it, then don't worry about it, you know? 

Yeah, but if you're gonna Put limits, or in your head, put limits on them, then that's, I mean, that's what's going to happen even though they could potentially be very capable of doing many of these things, living on their own, drinking, like, people can drink, it's okay, 

like, 

yeah, exactly, it's like 

taboo, they, you know.

If they want to, then let them do it, you know? Yeah. And the other thing is We're going to 

encourage them to be responsible about it. 

Oh yeah, for sure. We're not like, well, I know they go drink. Yeah, but But I think another common thing that people do is treat adults as children and not treat them as adults.

They talk down to them, they talk you know in that voice that you talk to kids with? Yep. They talk in that voice. And so just talk to adults like you would talk to any other adult. Yeah. Uh, that's, 

I, I talk about that's my biggest workplace trigger is when I hear our staff talk to our individuals like they are children and I'm like, that is a grown adult.

We're going to treat them as such. I don't want to hear condescending, I don't want to hear baby talk, I don't want to feel like if I didn't know any better, you were talking to your child, like, they're adult, we need to treat them as such. 

Yeah, and there's our rant on how to talk to people with autism.

Just talk to them like they're human. Yeah, just talk to them and And then they'll figure it 

out along the way. 

Yeah, accept how they communicate and just talk to them. It's fine. And if they don't want to 

talk to you, they don't want to talk to you and you can move on. 

Yeah. Yeah. Respect that. Of course that respect if they don't want to hug, respect it.

It's nothing against you. It's not saying that they don't like you. I know when I was younger, I hated it when people hugged me or touched me or any of those things. I just, I didn't like it. And people are like, well, what's your problem? Or it also drives me crazy. When, um, there's kids and they're like, go give so and so a hug because they're your grandparent or they're your aunt or they're your uncle, whatever.

If your child or a child, any child, doesn't even have to be autistic, um, doesn't want to give someone a hug. Don't make them give them a hug. Just, yeah, stop. Respect 

boundaries, guys. Yeah. Yes. 

Yeah, so the next question that, um, someone asked me was how do I understand the differences in levels of functioning?

And I really don't like the word functioning. I prefer like low support, high support, you know, like what level of needs do you have rather than being like, you're a low functioning autistic person. That just, I don't like that. That doesn't sound good. Yeah, it doesn't sound good. Would you like to be called you're low functioning because you have Needs, like that you need support.

No. Yeah. But to answer their question, there are three levels when someone is diagnosed, you have level one, level two, level three, generally level one is, you know, higher functioning in air quotes. And level three is lower functioning, as people say. But level one is, you know, they typically need less support than a level three would need.

And I don't like the levels either. But I understand why they're there. Yeah. But just, this is just saying that the autistic Autism diagnosis can, it's a range. And if you know one person with autism, you know, one person with autism. I mean, you have kids that can talk and, you know, communicate and pass off.

Like, we're using lots of air quotes. So I hope people understand this. They, they pass as a neurotypical person when they're actually neurodivergent. And then you have, you know, the level three where. They might stand more frequently. They might not speak like we generally talk. They might, you know, make noises that you're not used to people making.

And all of it's fine, and all of it is part of the autism diagnosis. So if you want to understand a person with autism, then you just have to get to know that person. 

Yeah. Observation, as well. Well, yeah. How do I know where you're at in this area? Observation. 

Yeah. 

Observation and sometimes uncomfortable conversations.

Yeah. Um, but I, I think those, I'm going to call them like boxes that we put people, I feel like that's really for like the bureaucracy of it all for like billing and coding and this level determines what level of support and like, so unless you're like Doing that stuff. I don't think we should really care what, what level they are, um, because 

they're more than that, 

I guess.

100%. 

So when I got diagnosed, um, with bipolar disorder, She said, you don't fit all the criteria for bipolar disorder, but it's the one that matches you the most. So I'm going to put you in that box. And she said that I'm going to put you in that box because I have to for insurance reasons. And I think for insurance reasons and for coding, just like you said, they have to put people in a box, which is unfortunate because then people are like, Oh, I am this.

And I took that to heart and I'm like, I am bipolar. And I was like, I don't think that bipolar disorder really fits me. It turns out I had ADHD, but at that time, she was like, bipolar fits you the most, so we're gonna put you in that box, you know? So, yes, I think that is a, it's just 

not 

good. 

I, and I feel like there's a downside to that too, like, across the board, like, medically, cause, like, oh, you don't fit these typical things that associate that in this box.

And it's like, okay, but I still have stuff going on, whether it fit in that box or not, that we need to help address. And so I feel like sometimes people get diagnosed wrong or whatever, because they don't fit the certain criteria for those boxes. And we're humans, and humans are complicated and complex, and it's not that simple of just checkboxing your this.

Yeah. Yeah. When my son, when my oldest son was diagnosed, he was level one. In like social skills or something like that and level two in communication And so I said, well, what level is he? And she's like, well, he's level one and level two. And I'm like, that doesn't make sense. So let's just remove the labels.

Okay. Let's just say it's autism and call it what it is. Let's just say he needs more support in this area and 

that's okay. 

Oh, I love that. You could, yeah. And there, cause they give you like a hundred page document. I swear. It's not really a hundred pages, but it's a long document and just say they need more support in this area.

Or not even they need more support. Just say they need these supports in this area. Yeah. They need these supports in this area. This is a strength of theirs and all it like strengths and needs rather than level one, level two. I like that. Any people that diagnose here, let's get that changed.

Yeah. So, oh, that, that was another question. What to do when your family doesn't believe you that your child has autism or that you have autism. So if you were diagnosed later in life, what do you do when your family's like, well, everyone's like that. You're fine. 

I'm like, cut them out. But that's not real.

Don't do that guys. Cut them out. I mean, I think it's fair to have a conversation. That's really, and I know a lot of. Uh, moms who struggle that their relatives concerning their children and not believing or respecting or whatever it might be. Um, that one's hard. What do you do? 

Yeah. So when my kids got diagnosed.

My parents and my in laws did not believe that they had autism because they were so in quotes high functioning. And so, but with time, they saw it, you know, because at first, and I think it's because people are trying to make you feel better. They're like, Oh, your child doesn't have autism. They're fine.

When having autism isn't a problem, it's not a negative thing, it's just what it is. Yeah. So I think that's a lot of times what families might be doing is they're trying to help them feel better by saying they don't look too autistic, they don't act too autistic, you know? And then in families it's hard because autism is genetic.

And so if your family is like, well, they act just like grandpa does, well, no, duh, that's probably who they got it from. Why has it been undiagnosed? Yeah, yeah. Hey there, it's Samantha. Are you a dedicated parent overwhelmed with navigating the unique challenges of raising a neurodivergent child? You find it tough to understand impulsive behaviors, manage transitions, address educational concerns, handle sensory stimulation, and navigate social interaction struggles.

The good news is you aren't alone. Here at Every Brain is Different, we're excited to announce our new membership program, Parenting Your Neurodivergent Child. This is a community of parents working to enhance connections with their kids and gain a deeper understanding of their unique needs. With expert insights on positive parenting strategies and neuroaffirming practices, you'll have concrete strategies to help your child succeed.

You'll have opportunities to ask questions, hear from other parents, And feel empowered as a parent and finally feel peace in your home. Join us on the second and third Thursdays of each month on Zoom. Visit www. everybrainisdifferent. com for more details. Let's embark on this journey together. I was 

gonna say, I think too, also, like, with relatives and stuff like that, like, unless they're, like, living in the home with you, there's, like, a whole range of things that maybe they don't see that might be more, like, obvious of, oh.

You know, they only, you know, see certain parts or parts of the day or whatever it might be. So they don't necessarily have the full picture like a parent would of their children. And so they also might be like, well, I see them every Tuesday for an hour and they're great. They don't have anything wrong.

It's like, they are great, and there is stuff being wrong. 

Um, but. Yeah, I think the hardest part comes in when they question your parenting. Like, why are you letting them do that? Why are you letting them get away with that? I didn't let my children get away with that, you know? And for me, my parents and in laws are great.

Like, they don't really say that too often. But when they do, I'm like, I am respecting their sensory choices. That's what I tell them. Like my son wears the clothes he wears because that's what he feels comfortable in. He's already having a hard time at school. Why would I make it harder by making him wear something that he feels uncomfortable in?

He doesn't eat all the food on his plate. That's fine. He doesn't like it and that's fine. Like we have our kids try food, but they don't have to eat it all. They just have to try it. And then if they decide they don't like it, then We don't make them eat it and I know that's that's what I've heard from a lot of parents is that it's hard when their families question their parenting and they say, well, they're just letting them get away with stuff because they don't want to parent their child when that's not it at all.

Yeah, they're 

actually being a better 

parent. Yeah, 

probably 

for sure. 

Don't don't take those. Yeah. 

And it's hard to be like, well, I say whenever anyone, when I feel judged and I feel, I feel very lucky because my family really doesn't judge me too much, but sometimes they do make comments and I don't think they're meaning them like negatively.

They're just making comments, you know? I would just say, I understand what you're saying, I appreciate your input, but this is how I'm choosing to parent. Nope. And you need to respect that very clear. Yeah, and please respect that. And that is so hard to do. So much harder to do than just us saying that. I 

think it goes back to having really good parents.

Boundaries, um, boundaries are very important, uh, for everyone and to, to have those and not be walked on or feel guilty for having boundaries like that. Yeah. 

And if you need help with boundaries, this is not sponsored by her, but Mary Brown is a boundaries coach. Look her up. It's like boundariescoach. com or something like that.

We'll put it in the show notes. She has a podcast that you can listen to. She's phenomenal. She's helped me have better boundaries. Yeah. Yeah. They're important in life. So yeah. And it's just, if you make that boundary. Then it's easy, it's easier to be like, no, this is the boundary that I've made. We're not going to cross it.

And if you cross it, this is what I'm choosing to do. So yeah, you're 

laying it all out from the get go. This is what's up. You can respect it. You cannot, if you choose not to, then this is what it's going to look like. Yeah. Yeah. 

So. There's our rant on that. I feel like we're just ranting tonight. That's, everyone needs to rant.

It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Um, yeah. So the next one is what are respectful ways to approach and connect with autistic children? And I think we've already talked about this, but my main things for this are don't force eye contact. Don't force, in air quotes once again, quiet hands. So let them stim if they need to stim.

You know, and stemming can be anything from spinning around, snapping your fingers, um, you know, clapping. I don't know, it can be anything. Um, and don't, don't force quiet hands because they are trying to regulate themselves so they can talk to you. It's not, yeah, it's not, um, just. Not engaging with you.

They're actually trying to regulate themselves so they can engage with you. And then we've talked about this before, but Gestalt language processors and natural language acquisition, um, processors know the difference between them, because I feel like. A lot of people think that people who are gesalt language processors aren't really communicating.

When they are, they're just communicating in a different way. So, they're called GLPs, and GLPs will learn language in chunks rather than in small bits like we are used to. And so, they might say, I want milk, when actually they're just thirsty and they want a drink of water. But they learned that I want milk gets you a drink and so they're going to say I want milk and you kind of have to decode some things and they can go through a process to where they learn to speak, you know, and say what they want.

But in the beginning, they might do just chunks of language that you have to really decode. To understand what they're saying. So I think that's really important. Cause when I was going to school, Gestalt language processors often just repeat things, they're very echolalic, so they just repeat what they hear.

And my professors would be like, you need to have them stop doing that. That's not how you talk. We're putting a stop to them repeating. And you really. You shouldn't put a stop to them repeating because they are communicating with you. It's just in a different way than we're used to. 

I think also, you know, interacting with children with autism and aside from the communication part, like getting down on their level and, and doing the things that they want to do.

Like if they're, you know, they are playing with cars, but they're playing, looks like lining them up and colors or whatever, um, do that with them. And like, don't make them, Oh, let's. make a track or whatever if that's not what they want to do. Um, so maybe even though their play might look different, um, join them in that and not try to to force, uh, other interactions, I guess is what I'm trying to say.

Just get on their level, do what they're doing. Uh, you know, hopefully, maybe let them teach you about what they're doing or whatever they're like. Um, I worked with the Ghetto and sprinkler systems. That was his thing. I could care less about sprinkler systems, but he was so excited to take me to the store and show me all the sprinkler parts and what they do.

And even though that that's not fun for me, he's clearly excited. That's what he wanted to do. That's what we're going to do. And I'm going to look up things about sprinklers to ask him and to have that engagement. Um, and so I think that's really important too. In addition to that, like communication. 

Yeah, for sure.

Just, I love that. Engaging with them and what they want to do. That's also how, like, people are like, autistic people don't connect with people. They don't engage with people. Well, yeah, cause you're not doing what they want to engage in. Why would they, you know? Yeah. You're trying to do it on your terms.

Yeah. 

And not. Being flexible. Yeah, 

with 

them. I think that's with any kid. If you want to have a relationship with a kid, then do what they want to do. I played Barbies with my four year old all the time. I don't, I loved playing Barbies when I was a child, but I'm done with that now. I think I played too much with them as a child, but that's, that's how she processes things.

It's through play and I have seen her do things in play and like process emotions just through play that would never come out if we weren't doing what she wanted to do. So yeah, if you want to connect with your kid or just another kid, you know, that's important to you, then definitely, yeah, do what they want to do.

Right? You take away one thing from today's conversation. Do what Lauren says. Yes. 

Get on, 

get 

down on their level, do what they want to do. You're gonna have a great time. 

Yeah, yeah. Okay, last question. How do you talk to neurotypical children about autistic children and how to interact with them? That 

one, in my mind, I feel like in the most simplest, would, you know, find something that maybe your Bye.

Bye. Like, the neurotypical child, like, some area that they struggle with, I mean, like, you know how you struggle in this area? Well, they have struggles in, in these areas and so, like, whatever, you know, we support them in that. Um, I think if you can tie it in, kind of make it relatable, um, but that's all, that's just in my head.

That's all I really got. I don't, I don't have children to talk to about it, so. 

No, I love that because you can also say, you know, Autistic kids are all different, but here's what, if you, if you're talking to them about a specific kid and say, yeah, this kid struggles in these areas, or they have strengths in these areas, and there's books about kids with autism, you know, there's, I wish I will put some in the show notes because I can't think of them right now, but I read one that I really, really liked, um, and just talk to them about how, you know, You know, they're different, but it's okay and how every brain is different, everyone is different.

I think that's where you can start is just saying everyone is different. These are some common things that are in autistic children, but not everyone has them, you know, and just emphasize still being with them, still including them, not like leaving them out because they're different. Quote unquote different, you know?

Yeah. 

I think, yeah. Um, uh, what was I going to say? I think also teaching them as well, you know, uh, like in play, like respectful, like if they don't want to, or, um, I feel like sharing's a big thing, but it's often forced on children that maybe shouldn't be, um, that kind of leads to stuff, but respecting again, boundaries and.

It's okay if they don't want to do the same things, and all of that fun stuff, I guess. 

Yeah, yeah. I love it. I don't force my kids to share, and it's a hot take for some people. I'm like, why should they share just because you were playing Like, they were playing with something, and that kid decided they wanted it.

And so now they have to give it to him because they decided they wanted it. Like, that doesn't make sense. I think, 

I think there's a thing, like, you know, they, I, my take with that is, I think that is something that we do have to learn in life to be functioning in social environments and things like that.

But I don't think it's something that has to be instantaneous, like, oh, they asked for it, you need to give it back. Okay. You know, someone else also would like to play with this toy, so I'm going to give you another 10 minutes and then we're going to let this. You know, other child have a turn. And so I think there's ways we can go about it versus, you know, just taking in or letting a kid take a toy from someone or whatever.

I think there needs to be a little bit of a conversation first. Oh yeah. And then we can share. 

Yeah, and that's what I meant by that, like I don't make my kids instantaneously share. Like if someone wants something and it's a communal item, then I'm like, well, you have some time with it. And then my kids aren't that selfish, but 

they're not, I know her children.

They're great. Well, thank 

you. So. We hope you've enjoyed this episode. Let us know how you liked it. Um, and we just wanted to give a shout out to the Autism Society of Idaho's Walk for Autism Acceptance in Southern Idaho. It will be April 27th from 11 to two at the Caldwell Police Department. And you can come and visit us there because we will be there.

I have a booth. So you can come learn more about Every Brain is Different and Boise Music Therapy Company. If you're in the Idaho area, we hope to see you there. 

Absolutely, and there'll be resources and other things as well. 

Yeah, there's going to be, your registration includes a t shirt and then the walk, obviously, a raffle, tie dye fun, the theme is tie dye.

There's going to be crafts and prizes, food trucks, music, sponsored booths, giveaways, and recognition. So it sounds like a fun time. Sounds like a good time to me. Love it. I love it. Okay. Well, let us know how you like this episode and we'll be back next week with a guest. Thanks, guys. 

Thank you for listening to this episode.

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