30 - Carol Williams and Taking Baby Steps to Accomplish Our Goals 19/02/24

Here's what to expect on the podcast:

• Why do people find initiating the first step toward their goals challenging?

• Strategies that Carol employs to assist neurodivergent individuals in taking their first steps.

• What are the advantages of joining a free community group?

• Helpful strategies for parents to support their neurodivergent children in completing tasks at home.

• And much more!

About Carol:

Do you feel like you will never catch up? Carol knows this feeling well. As a single mom of 2 boys, she is a good runner and tends to ride the roller coaster of run, run, run, run, then crash. Through her work on herself, she has developed systems that are FUN and WORK to smooth out this ride.

Connect with Carol Williams!

Website: https://eps-time.com/

Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/unscatterme

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/carol-williams-greengo…

90 Day Slay: https://the90dayslay.com/

Be sure to tune in to Episode 20, where Kyira Wackett explores the topic of shame. https://apple.co/3uycPd9

Connect with Samantha Foote!

Website: www.boisemusictherapycompany.com

Email: [email protected]

Consultation: https://letsmeet.io/boisemusictherapycompany/30-mi…

TRANSCRIPTION

This podcast is for parents like you, navigating the world of neurodiversity with love and compassion. I'm a neurodivergent mother of three amazing neurodivergent children and a board certified music therapist. Our mission is to create a supportive space where you feel understood, connected, and inspired.

With practical tips, strategies, and resources, we'll help you and your child thrive in your unique way. Join us as we dive deep into the diverse world of neurodivergent individuals exploring topics like ADHD, autism, dyslexia, sensory processing challenges, and more. We'll cover it all to empower, educate, and uplift both neurodivergent individuals and those who walk alongside them.

Together we'll create a world where every brain is valued and celebrated. We're excited to embark on this enlightening journey with you. We are your hosts, Samantha Fuh and Lauren Ross, and this is the Every Brain is Different podcast.

Welcome to the Every Brain is Different podcast. We are here with Carol Williams. Carol! Is a single mom of two boys. She is a good runner and tends to ride the roller coaster of run, run, run, then crash through her work on herself. She has developed systems that are fun and work to smooth out this ride.

Carol. We are so excited to have you on the show. Can you tell us a little bit more about how you're involved in the neurodivergent community? You have got it. 

Um, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm stoked to be here. How I am involved in the neurodivergent community is that. I have found that probably 80 percent of the people that I serve would fall under that umbrella.

And it just has kind of happened. Um, uh, synchronicity, like it just happened. And for many years, I'm a coach. And for many years I was like, Oh my gosh, why do I love people with ADHD? Like, why do I so get them? Wait a second. Do I have ADHD? Like I had no idea. And here's what I found. I found that While I don't test out for it.

Um, I have, I, I come together with these folks that call themselves neurodivergent that are neurodivergent because my mom was undiagnosed neurodivergent and they didn't even have a diagnosis for it way back when, when she was born in the 1940s. And so I grew up. Like that, like that was my normal. Okay. So, and then I went and married a man who was, it was traumatic.

So that's a traumatic experience. And then we have that trauma. So trauma affects the brain. So now you, now I was like, it's taken me. Samantha, I've been in business since oh nine. And I'm not kidding you. It is now almost the end of 2023. It's taken me to almost this day saying that out loud to understand why I so understand neurodivergence and I feel completely comfortable.

Does that answer your question? 

Yeah, for sure. I love it. So can you tell us a little bit more about your journey, like to get to where you are today and exactly what you do? 

Yeah, sure. Um, so I had a different job up until 2009 and in 2009, we had the great recession. So you asked about the journey. 

Um, 

in the great recession, I had to reinvent myself.

At that time I had a one year old, a six year old and a toxic husband. I said, well, what better time to start a business, right? Yeah. So that's what I did. And, um, Before the show, you and I were sharing a little bit about how we got started and I love your story too. So that's, that's a little bit about my story.

Um, more story. We'll have to have coffee, right? Um, so, so through those years, I started out as a professional organizer because I was really good at getting organized. If you start adding that up full time job, one year old, six year old, very unhelpful husband, he, he jokes, he joked around that he was my third child.

And he wasn't kidding. He was the most difficult of them all. Okay. So at any rate, um, I was like, okay, I'll be a professional organizer. And I did that for a little while. Um, but what I realized was that I had, I didn't want to organize people for the sake of it, that there was more to it behind the scenes, you know, and I started out college when I was 18, um, before the job I had for like 18 years there.

18, 18 years. That's interesting. So go back to back then I was in psychology because I wanted to figure my mom out. That's why I started that. And during my process being in college, I just, I didn't want to be a psychologist. So I picked a different profession. Yeah. And then so I like circled back. So I was, so I zeroed in from professional organizing.

I'm like, well, how can I really get to the root of this? So I zeroed in on coaching. I got my certificate as. I am a life coach and a business coach. I took a course on how to become a successful business owner, because believe me, I knew a lot about being unsuccessful. That I was very good at that. And in about 2016, so it took a while.

Cause I got divorced in there too, which was very traumatic and difficult. Um, I, in 2016, I started to turn around. It went from like living off of my IRA and going broke and being on food stamps level too. Okay. This is actually going to work out. Cause now I have all my pieces together and then it started going from there.

So you asked a little bit, um, about what I do and how I think, think that's what you said. Yeah. Great. Yeah. Best way to describe it is this. Do you know those entrepreneurs that are all over the place? They're running around and doing this and this and this and this, but maybe not like you. And I don't know that they're kind of going broke in the, in the meantime, cause that was me.

I, from oh nine to 15, I was running like crazy. I was a very good runner, but I was losing money and losing my mind slowly. Well, those are the people I serve. I helped them go from all that craziness, unfocused, scattered. And feeling like they want to give up to confident, loving themselves, helping them, you know, release the guilt and shame and going through the steps.

And if anybody's watching this, but I don't think so, cause it's a pure podcast right behind me are the steps and we'll get to how you can download the steps, you know, eventually at the end. 

Yeah. Yeah. And we will have this, um, on like. Uh, Tik TOK and Instagram. So people can see it when they're watching the clips.

Okay, 

cool. Yeah, that's great. So that's what I, that's what I help people with, um, in their business and their lives. That's awesome. Thanks. So 

what would be the process if I came to you and I said, I need help? What, like, how do you get started and 

all of that? What a lovely question. There are lots of options and most of them are free.

So the first thing that you could do if you wanted to talk to me, a lot of times people don't want to talk, but if they wanted to talk to me, they could obviously set up a free call. And what we do there is if you see behind me, there's a big blurb with step one and big, I'll do that. Decide. So they have to decide.

Now it sounds. deceptively easy. But I want to say this. You've heard this before. You're a woman. I'm a woman. Um, most women I know say I got to lose 10 pounds. That is not a decision. That's a thing we say to slowly hurt ourselves, to shame ourselves, right? A real decision is, um, I've had it enough is enough.

I'm committed. I'm going to talk to my best friend. We're going to, you know, go to A program together. We're going to do a, a new, um, a new thing together. Like we're going to do some kind of online challenge together. We're going to be accountable together. We're going to have the support, right? So that's a decision because it results in action.

So the first step, whether it's. You jump on my website and you down, download the steps in the book, whether it's you talk to me, whether it's you come to one of my workshops, whatever it is, you get through that first step first. And it's a lot more, I hate to use the word complicated, but there's a lot more to it than meets the eye.

We think we've decided. When we say I'm going to, or I really need to, or wouldn't it be good if the truth is we haven't, because for us to really decide. It means we have to jump out of our comfort zone and everything in the world wants to keep us back in that comfort zone. So I help people, um, let's see, I hold space for people.

So I'm kind of, it's like, I'm, it's, it's love with that gentle push and a little bit meanie pants push sometimes. Like, you know, like I asked big questions, like. Okay. How's that working for you? And tell me about it. And, and it makes people uncomfortable, but you know what I love about the neurodivergent community?

They are really open when they are ready. They'll start telling you stuff that you never thought you'd hear. And that is a okay, because we, and I'll include myself in the community, even though I don't have a diagnosis, I'm using air quotes here. Yeah. I get you. What you see is what you get is part of the deal.

And when we can be that, and we can allow our shame to, you know, melt in the background, and when we can say, alright, Let's at least use the free community. I have a free community. Let's hold hands in the free community and go do the free live things once, once a month, then that is something. And when people are ready, they can go into a paid program.

Awesome. I 

think that's good that you say, like, start with the free community first, because doing the decision, like, Like you said, I always say, I want to do this. I will do this. I will do this, but I don't make the actions to do it because it is so overwhelming and just, and that's one of the things, at least with ADHD, um, you get decision paralysis where you just.

You literally can't do it. Like you want to do it, but you can't do it because it's so overwhelming. You just can't take that step. And so if you just start with the free community and dip your toe in it, then you can be like, okay, and get used to that and have that be in your comfort zone and then jump to the next thing.

And then the next thing you you'll be there to help manage the overwhelm. 

I love that. I'm so. Grateful that you brought that up. That is in fact the biggest barrier. Um, and, and I'm going to put myself in somebody's shoes that the way you describing somebody with ADHD, they want to build their business.

They want to take it to the next level. They want to, you know, change your habits. They want to do all these things and they don't do anything because it's all too scary. So they go back under the blanket. Right? So think of it this way, big dreams. Small steps. And that sounds easy. Not easy. Yeah. Almost everybody in my programs, I'll say, okay, what's one baby step.

And I'll start. And when, when I go around and I ask the questions, they'll be like, well, okay, so I really want to do that. And then I'm going to, and then, and all this stuff comes out because that excitement of, I want to do it all right now. But what happens? is we fall flat. So those little baby steps, because ADHD and neurodivergent people, they have no problem dreaming big.

Dreaming big is not the issue. The issue is making the steps tiny because there's this annoying voice in the back of our heads that says, it's not enough. What isn't that? Because our whole lives we've been told we're not enough. You don't fit. Or even if we're not told again, I listened to that shame. It was amazing.

Chiara, I'm going to say her name wrong. Chiara Wackett. It went, that was an amazing one that you did. I loved it. I loved, I was like on the edge of my seat, listening to it because so many people that I serve had that exact same issue. So thank you. 

Yeah. Um, I loved her episode because she did talk about shame and how we, how shame is and how we feel it and all about it.

And just, there are so many neurodivergent people who just feel so much shame because they're not living life like neurotypical people or how you should in air quotes should be living life. And I know I experienced that and like, why can't I get my life together? Why can't I do the things that I see other people doing?

Like I am not. organized. So I'm super organized in some areas of my life, but in other areas, I am definitely not. And that is a true sign of ADHD. Hey there, it's Samantha. Are you a dedicated parent overwhelmed with navigating the unique challenges of raising a neurodivergent child? You find it tough to understand impulsive behaviors, manage transitions, address educational concerns.

handle sensory stimulation, and navigate social interaction struggles. The good news is you aren't alone. Here at Every Brain is Different, we're excited to announce our new membership program, Parenting Your Neurodivergent Child. This is a community of parents working to enhance connections with their kids and gain a deeper understanding of their unique needs.

With expert insights on positive parenting strategies and neuroaffirming practices, You have concrete strategies to help your child succeed. You'll have opportunities to ask questions, hear from other parents, and feel empowered as a parent and finally feel peace in your home. Join us on the second and third Thursdays of each month on zoom, visit www.

everybrainisdifferent. com for more details. Let's embark on this journey together. I was just talking to, uh, another mom about this this week. She was like, she's like, I just got diagnosed with ADHD. And I was like, what? Because she is the most organized person I know. But she's like, you don't see my doom piles at home where I have like piles of mail in my closet because I don't want people to see it, you know?

And so she's like, but in her business. She is the person that I look up to because she is so organized and she's just on top of it, you know, so, and then with social things, like I feel so much shame when I interrupt people or I, you know, talk over people, but I just get so excited that I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't say what I need to say.

And so, um, yeah, that's it. So if you haven't listened to that episode and you're listening to this one, go listen to that episode. It was a really good one. 

Yeah, we'll tie them together. So from my point, it was like that shame, those voices, whether, but Kiara said it, like even, even at the, I think she said it was age three when, you know, sure we're opening up our schools to be more accommodating, but let's face it.

Those people get different assignments, they go to the different part of the room, they go out of the room and there's this unspoken thing that says you're different and that's not okay. So those voices now are manifesting as we begin. I work mostly with entrepreneurs, not entirely, but mostly entrepreneurs and many of them are parents and many of them are parents of neurodivergent kids.

It's just the way it is. So when they start to do these little steps, there's this thing in the back of their head saying that's not enough because our whole lives, we were told that we didn't do it right and it wasn't enough. 

Yeah, exactly. So if you can't do the whole thing, then you might as well not do anything, do anything.

That's in my brain. Like if I'm not going to just finish it today, then. I can't break it down into steps. Like breaking it down into steps is so hard for me. So I did, um, I don't know, Wendy Lawson does a 90 day slay and she, I've done it a few times and in her program, you have to take a goal and break it up among 13 steps.

So you have 13 weeks to either work on the goal or finish the goal. And I. I have such a hard time, like getting the steps. So I put my first step. I know what my first step is. And I know what the last step is, but I don't know anything in the middle. I'm just like, well, you just do the thing, you know, how do you do the thing?

Like, I want to write a book. Right. And so I'm like, well, you just, you just write it. No, there are things that you can do to like. Minimize not minimize, but do baby steps in that goal. So how do you help people get to the baby steps? 

Yeah. Oh, I love this question. And I, I just want to say how important this question is.

I used to have, and I don't do this anymore because of the exact thing that you described. I used to have at the end of my workshops, I would have literally stairs. And I would have where you are now, where you wanted to go. And that is the exact thing that people had so much, so many problems with. So I said, okay, I'm not going to include that because now people feel not worthy.

And I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm going to save that for my larger paid programs because what I've learned is, and I'm going to, I'm not avoiding you. I'm just saying you're right. Okay. Because what I've learned is. Is that with the neurodivergent brain, it takes a lot more time. And so what I recommend is, is something along this line.

Number one is, is do this with somebody else. Like have. Even if it's a silent partner on the other side and a blank sheet of paper, so I don't know why a actual blank sheet of paper works better than a line. I don't know what the science is behind that, but it does. And you start writing stuff down. You could also use a whiteboard.

Um, I used to have incidentally, I used to have an outside office way back when, when I first started. And I had idea paint. I painted this clear paint and I would have people write all over the walls and we'd start pulling things together. That was so much fun. Anyway, it's like I do brain dumps and they do brain dumps.

So think about writing a book. Okay, great. What are all the things? And you start writing it down. Or maybe you talk and the other person writes it down. Well, I need to find a publisher. Well, I need a, you know, whatever it is. And you start saying all the things. And then what happens is you've got all this stuff.

And then from there, you start categorizing it. Sometimes what I might have people do, I'm a big believer in writing and versus typing on a computer because the computer thing just doesn't work. So you get all that, those ideas, and then you can write like each idea on like a card. And then you can take each card and like put them in like little piles, right?

So now you're starting to organize all your ideas. And you know, it takes practice. And the other piece is Just be okay with yourself. Like just be okay that you thought it was a step, but actually there are. Like 20 steps in there, like, don't do the, Oh my gosh, see, I don't know what I'm doing. Like, okay. 20 steps.

Got it. So a lot of deep breathing, self love, releasing of guilt and shame has to go along with it. And again, to have a partner, somebody to do it with when you're in my paid programs, you always have a partner. You have me, you have the course and you have a partner. We always have partners. Right?

Sometimes the partners will do, um, alone together or co working, whatever. Not always, but sometimes. All right. So now you've got these piles. Great. Now here's the hard part. I'm going to break it to you. This is difficult. How long will each one take time? Is this amorphous unknown? And especially when you're creating, we get in these modes of we're, we're down deep and we might as well be 12, 000.

You know, feet below the ocean, because we don't even hear what's going on above the surface. And that is very tricky. So all I can say is for that part, it's like, um, it's like rinse and repeat. It's like, okay, I think this is going to take me an hour. Set my timer for one hour. Do it some way that you're actually going to get jarred.

Like you can set your screen to shut off. You can, um, you can have your husband come in the room. Like you need another person because just left your own devices. You'll never like. You'll get, you'll get sucked in. Right. And then you say, okay, all right. I thought that was going to take an hour. I just barely started.

I'm at about the 10 minute mark in my mind. Okay. That didn't work. All right. What about another hour? Now there's more motivation. Cause you're like on a roll. It's like, okay, can I do another hour? And it's just like that. So there's ton. I hate to break it to you that this is actually how it happens, but I'm not going to sit there and lie.

About, oh yeah, here's your quick fix. All you need to do is plug it into some stupid spreadsheet and it's not going to work like that. It's not, you just have to do it step by step, bit by bit. Little by little, and then what happens is your brain starts to get rewired and it says it's okay, it's okay that it's going to take a longer time.

My son is neurodivergent, my older one, he's almost 22, and he used to have this morning routine, talk about times. I laugh at him so much, but it worked for him. He had to write it down. He'd take, he wouldn't take a neat piece of paper. He'd rip, he'd rip off a box. So it had like this rip mark and he'd, he'd, he'd take like a Sharpie and he'd write.

6am, get up. 602, pee. 603, like he'd write down that he had to pee. I know, wouldn't you think you'd know how to pee? Of course you did, but he really helped him write down these micro steps because then he didn't feel the guilt and shame of it not being true and they'd write out. Make coffee. He was a huge coffee addict when he was a young adult, when he worked, lived with me, you know, he's since moved out, but at any rate, he, he'd really just micro and it had to be right in front of him.

He'd write notes on his mirror, like, okay, I'm kind of going off on tangents, but we think we're talking about breaking down the steps and how to do it. And I kind of morphed into time and all that. I think 

that's great because, um, the next thing I was going to ask you is if you had any strategies for parents to use with their kids and you just went right into that.

So letting, um, having your kids have a visual schedule or writing things down with them, I know helps a lot because. People talk about habits, and I heard that neurodivergent people can't make habits, they have routines. And if you follow, and that's why they get so upset when their routine is interrupted, because they honestly have no idea what to do next.

If their routine is interrupted, they have no idea what to do, because that is their routine. And once I understood that, I was like, Oh, that makes so much sense. Like they don't, they don't know in their brain what to do unless they do the step before. And so, yeah, I just love that you talked about that because that's what I was going to ask you next.

Oh, beautiful. I have a bonus 

one and it's interesting. Cause my son has lived, uh, so I live in New Hampshire and he lives in Phoenix, Arizona, and it's really interesting watching him. Uh, become an adult, you know, and, and he was sharing with me the other day, goes, mom, remember when I was small and before I could read and you use, you had these checklists for me and you had these, um, like little pictures.

So I'd have a picture of him brushing his teeth and I'd have a picture of him washing his hands. And then I'd have a picture of him putting on his pajamas and like all that. And I would have that. And maybe you do this already. And maybe you've dealt with this for your. Parents, but maybe there's a parent listening right now that needs to hear this.

Yeah. And so I would do that and then I would just kind of put a, a piece of acetate on it and then every day he would check it and right then I had the star chart and the whole thing. Or when the star chart didn't work, we'd do something else. 'cause you know, you always have to change that up because then they get bored.

They don't do any, and you forget too, because if you're neurodivergent, you're not gonna stick to it either. So you gotta keep changing it. , yeah. It's the dopamine bit anyway that the dopamine runs out. Yeah. You're right. Cause it's boring now and you don't change that. So anyway, um, yeah, he loved that. And so he goes, mom, that my, my writing down that minute by minute thing was my version of the thing you did for me when I was a kid.

So thanks mom. I need to do that again. And I'm like, okay, that's so awesome. I love that you recognize that. I do too. And, uh, and, and so that's another, if, if. People are listening that have like little kids. There is light at the end of the tunnel and all the things that you're doing now, you may think they go unnoticed or, but if you keep doing them and you show the unconditional love that I'm sure you've got at the end, they're going to be like, thank you, mom.

Thank you, dad. So that's, 

yeah, that is my hope for my kids right now that someday they'll be like, thank you for doing that. Um, okay. So you talked about some free resources that you have, can you tell us more about what you offer? 

Yeah, sure. So to get going, I really highly recommend that you can sit sort of going on to www.

unscatterme. com because that way you can, um, download your, your own little guide. Unscattered my entrepreneurial life. And what I want to say about that, even if you're not an entrepreneur in the first couple of pages, what I go through is I go through a little assessment and you can't see this, but see this little ball with all the lines around it.

That's energy. It talks about what unfocused energy does and why we have to just, because when I say do one thing. People are like, no, I can't just do one thing. I got it. And then, so we talk about that. And the other thing I really wanted to show you was this again, this is if you're not a business owner, you get any, any part of your life.

I call this the wheel of entrepreneurial life. So it could be in love. It could be in health and wellbeing, all different things. And you rate yourself and you do the process. In whatever part of your life that's meaningful to you. It is not just business. So that's what I offer. I offer that for free. Okay.

The other free stuff, I like to start with the free stuff is if you join, go to Facebook, join unscatter me Facebook group, just type it in. You'll find it. I think there's only one of them. I have weekly videos. I, you know, there's community there. Uh, I offer that, um, let's see, once a month, I have a free, usually once a month, I have a free zoom.

Um, this is, as this is being recorded, it's too late cause the next one is going to be December 4th cause it's December 1st now, but there is something coming up. Um, it is a paid one cause when I do my, my workshops that are two hours, hours, those are paid and that one's going to be, um, January 8th. So that's not, there's time, um, is that good?

Is that what you want to know? 

Yeah. Yeah. Just how people can connect with you and where can people find you online? You have your website, you have your Facebook group, you have like Instagram or anything like that. I don't really 

do Instagram. Honestly. You can go to LinkedIn. I'm under like the goddess of productivity.

I gave you those links. Yeah. Yeah. They'll be in the show notes. Yeah. 

Cool. And the last thing that we wanted to ask you is what do you do for fun 

dance? As much as possible and I dance everywhere and I believe that music and dancing is everything. My son, uh, has recently, my younger son, I have a 16 year old just started in the, in the summer playing guitar.

And he's phenomenal. He's doing a, um, like an independent study in high school regarding that. And I know you're a music teacher, so I can't say enough about music, singing, dancing. I am not the musician, but I do like to sing. I don't know how good I am, but I do like to sing. And my boyfriend and I love to dance.

We dance as much as possible. And we have a mission in the world to spread love and joy through dancing. So that is, love that. That is my big mission in the world, spread love and joy through dancing. 

Yeah. I saw you guys dancing at the, um, polka dot. The celebration that we went to, they had a big dance and I saw you there and you just look like you're having so much fun.

I loved it. I loved it. We do it as much as possible. Trying not to be a stalker, but you guys were all, no, be a stalker, be a stalker. Yeah. Well, we appreciate your time. Thank you so much for coming on the show. Yeah. Yeah. If you have any questions for Carol, check her out online at unscatter me. com. So 

thank you.

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